With folks like Voldemort and Michelle Malkin running amok, who better to have on your side as your dinner guest than one of the greatest wizards the wizarding world had ever known, Albus Dumbledore? Not only would your dinner party be safer with Dumbledore on the scene, but think how handy it would be to have someone of his magical abilities around. See, I'd invite Dumbledore to come early, so he could help with the meal prep and decorating. And now that JK Rowling has brought him officially out of the closet, he could, of course, bring a date if he wanted.

I'm thinking the best thing would be for Dumbledore and I to team up on the whole Thanksgiving thing and hold our feast at Hogwarts in the main dining hall. Not only would that give me a swell excuse to visit Hogwarts, but also would avoid the time-consuming task of cleaning my house for company. With four active homeschooling kids creating glorious messes as fast as I can clean them, that's a neverending task worthy of being a competition in the Triwizard Tournament! A little sneaky of me, I know, to persuade my guest of honor to allow me to serve dinner in his home, but I'm sure I can find a way to put the spin on it.

Since the Hogwart's dining room has that cool magical ceiling, we can make it look like we're under the canopy of an enormous pin oak at the height of its color change, and the rooms light would be filtered through the glorious autumn hues of reds, yellows, and oranges. A wave of Dumbledore's wand, and the room would be outfitted in its best fall colors, with falling leaves cascading from the sky and magically dissipating into clouds of finest gold dust. I'd make the meal a real occasion by asking the guests to dress in their best dress robes, black or fall colors.

There is, of course, the whole issue that if we had Thanksgiving Dinner at Hogwarts, the house elves who work in the kitchen would be doing a lot of the meal prep. I kinda feel guilty about this, but then I remember how much I loathe cleaning up after cooking a large meal, and then I feel much better about it. We might have to deal with some S.P.E.W. protesters, but we can just drape them all with fall garlands and they'll blend right in. With all the house elves doing the cooking, Dumbledore can kick it with the family in the Gryffindor common room and we can relax and enjoy that great Thanksgiving tradition -- watching the Quidditch matches.

When the dinner gong sounds, we'll head down to the Dining Hall and stuff ourselves silly, and enjoy some great conversation with Dumbledore about all the interesting things that have gone on in his long life. If any Death Eaters or annoying wizard bureaucrats should come around, I could just step back and let Dumbledore deal with them while I gobble down yams and cranberries and other yumminess, all washed down with mugs of butter beer and icy cold pumpkin juice. Peeves would probably show up around dessert and start causing trouble, but Dumbledore can handle him as well, so he wouldn't be too disruptive.

The best part? After we're all stuffed to the gills, all Dumbledore has to do is wave his wand and POOF -- the mess disappears. No spending hours on post-feasting kitchen cleanup, we can just all retire back to the common room and get cozy in front of the fireplace for dessert and more Quidditch, and then Dumbledore, just like my dad does after a big holiday meal, can doze off in the comfy chair and take a nap. Come to think of it, maybe I'll take one too.

So here's our ultimate movie character Thanksgiving dinner:

Patrick Walsh would invite Batman

Erik Davis would invite Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka

Matt Bradshaw would invite Ed from Shaun of the Dead

James Rocchi would invite James Stewart's Jefferson Smith

Kevin Kelly would invite John Candy's Del Griffith

Christopher Campbell would invite Remy the Rat

Kim Voynar would invite Albus Dumbledore

Who would you invite?

categories Cinematical