Exec #1: "OK, so we bought the rights to this hot (old) video game. We need a story."

Exec #2: "What's the game called?"

#1: "Hitman."

#2: "OK, so it's a movie about an assassin. This stuff writes itself."

#1: "Yeah, but how much action should we put in there? Action scenes are really expensive, you know..."

#2: "Hey, I got it. Instead of going the 'action route' let's try something different. Let's focus more on those "plot" scenes from the video game that I'm just sure everyone watches, despite the fact that you can press ENTER and skip over 'em at any time. They're mostly dialog!"

#1: "Great, get me a young French director who'll do whatever we say, a screenwriter who hasn't written a flick in five years, and a lead actor who couldn't possibly be a worse fit for this 'hitman' guy. And go easy on the action scenes."

#2: "Cool. Production starts tomorrow. The marketing team has the trailer all set to go."

I'm sorry, but when you go to a restaurant and order, say, peanut butter and jelly, you'd be justifiably annoyed if the sandwich showed up without the peanut butter. You'd probably demand a refund if you purchased a cat with no spine ... and it would definitely be cause for alarm if you bought a porno mag that offered only two naked pictures. But when it comes to Hollywood action pics, we're completely inured to the scam by now: Generate just enough flashy action to fill a two-minute trailer, and that's really all your movie needs. Once you get the people into the cinema ... who cares? They already paid their money, right?
categories Reviews, Cinematical