You never forget your first love ... except when she's Paris Hilton. Yes, the trailer you've all been waiting for has finally arrived online -- Paris Hilton's new romantic comedy, The Hottie & the Nottie. And you know what, if Paris Hilton was a nobody -- a random actress plucked from obscurity -- then I'd say they found the perfect girl to play the "hottie." Hilton looks pretty damn good in this trailer; definitely the kind of girl you'd imagine a guy falling for at a very young age. But then she opens her mouth ... and you want to stick a gun into yours.

Joel Moore (who I happen to kind of like some) plays this dude named Nate who, as a guy in his early twenties (I imagine), winds up running into Cristabelle (Hilton), the girl he's been in love with since the first grade. Nate really wants to "get with" Cristabelle, except there's one problem: She refuses to date anyone until her best friend, June (Christine Lakin), finds a man of her own. And June, well ... let's just say the leftover creature makeup from Alien vs. Predator was put to good use. This girl is horrific to look at, in a very loony-tune sort of way. So now Nate has one giant obstacle in front of him: Find June a guy, and he gets Cristabelle. Of course Nate has the wacky best friend who gives him tons of bad advice, and the trailer doesn't allow Hilton to say too much -- they just parade her around in one tight outfit after another. The film arrives in theaters on February 8, just in time for Valentine's Day. God bless you if you buy a ticket for it. And check out the trailer above, or over on the film's official website.