NBCSo in case you still don't know how this whole Golden Globe thing is going to play out on Sunday, here's what you're getting: From 7pm to 9pm, Matt Lauer will host a two hour Dateline called Going for Gold, which will lead up to an hour-long press conference at 9pm EST. During that hour-long press conference, someone will be giving out the Golden Globe awards in the 25 previously-announced categories. None of the actors or actresses will be there to accept these awards, nor are they expected to show up on this Dateline special (although that might change). So who will Matt Lauer talk to for two hours? Hand-puppets, maybe? That would be cool.

The Hollywood Foreign Press? Here's all they got (from a press release earlier this week): "We take some comfort, however, in knowing that this year's Golden Globe Award recipients will be announced on the date originally scheduled." There you go! You got to keep your day. I don't know about you, but that's so damn ... comforting. No one is showing up. NBC isn't televising it. All parties are canceled. People are losing millions of dollars. But you got to keep your day. Way to go HFPA!

But I haven't even told you the best part yet. Following this press conference, you're probably expecting some sort of entertainment show like Access Hollywood to come on and talk about the winners. Nope. Get this: American Gladiators. Oh yes, NBC will follow their Globes press conference with an episode of American F**king Gladiators. Here's an idea: How about you let the Gladiators announce the awards. Oh what I would give to hear the following announcement: "And now, here with the best actress, drama award is ... Mayhem... who you can see pile-driving a guy trying to drop little balls in a bucket in just a few minutes on a brand new episode of American Gladiators." Take that Keira Knightley ... and your little Atonement thingy. If there was a God, he would make it so. Mayhem for the gold!