So I'm watching this Super Tuesday coverage last night, and was I the only one who was completely lost? I won't go into who I'm voting for, or who I think you should vote for, but I will talk about the various television coverage. I primarily stayed on NBC, and I'm not sure why because those folks were all over the freaking map. The most confusing part was when they'd throw in these weird polls ... and then go all lightening round with them. There were polls for the very conservative, the somewhat conservative, the conservative's who think they're Democrats but might be Republicans -- WTF, NBC! Slow it the f*ck down for a second! There was this state and that state and the delegates from over there and the delegates from over here -- and then I'd switch to MTV and they'd have this "cool kids hand-held for the teenagers You Tube-style thing" featuring a girl next to a candidate asking some random question like, "Why would you be good for President?" Good job -- next let's ask them what they're doing for summer vacation.

Is it so much to ask for one dude in jeans and a "F*ck All This" t-shirt to come on TV and be like, "Okay, these people are all nuts with their charts and their sets and their 300 different correspondents. Here's what you need to know in seven minutes." Why can't ESPN cover the Presidential election? I want statistics -- like, here's how many times (insert whoever here) lied in 2007 versus how many times they lied in 2005. Give me stats! I want that kid on MTV to turn to a candidate and say, "Can you please explain what the f*ck a caucus is because I have no flippin' idea. And how come some states do it one way and others do it another way -- how come we can't all vote on one day, one way, and be over with it?"

Anyway, when they eventually make a movie about this "historical" election, who do you think should play all the candidates? I'll get us started -- Tommy Lee Jones would kick ass as John McCain!

categories Features, Cinematical