Well, hell, that just won't do! Apparently someone at remake factory Platinum Dunes just realized ... Hey, what the hell, nobody's done a Rosemary's Baby remake?!? And to have an old, popular, influential horror movie with NO remake? Like I said, that just won't do.

We don't have any news on directors, writers or actors, but according to Shock, Platinum producers Andrew Form and Brad Fuller are presently scouting screenwriters for the remake. For those keeping score, Platinum Dunes has already remade The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror and The Hitcher, plus they've got The Birds, Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street in the percolation stage. Dang those guys work hard.

So, since the Dunes boys don't have an adapter yet, allow me to apply for the gig. I've seen all of Platinum's movies AND I own the Rosemary's Baby DVD, so I think I'm more than qualified. Here's my pitch: Jessica Alba and Ryan Reynolds move into a mega-slick new apartment building that's run by computer, only to discover that the old couple who live next-door are actually Satanic Robots from the Future! Oh wait, here's an easier idea: Just take the original screenplay, modernize with bikinis, computers and cell phones, and then make the exact same movie. It'll make the same amount of cash anyway.

Dubbed "the scariest movie I've ever seen because I was pregnant when I saw it" by Scott Weinberg's mom, Rosemary's Baby was based on the Ira Levin novel of the same name, it featured some stellar work from Mia Farrow and Ruth Gordon, and is (easily) one of Roman Polanski's finest achievements. And now a stinkin' remake. Sorry for being so snotty, especially because I actually really LIKE the Plantnum Dunes re-do of Texas Chainsaw, but when I see a production company loading up on remakes and nothing else, I can't help but think "LAZY!!!"
categories Cinematical