I don't know about you, but I've barely warmed up this year, yet already I feel inundated with thoughts of summer, thanks to our friends the movie marketers. Bowing to the inevitable -- after all, everyone shops for board shorts and bikinis in the spring, not the summer, right? -- my attention was drawn to "Top 10 Summer Movies Guaranteed to Bomb" in Coed Magazine.
Since that site features some images that are NSFW, I'll list a few here with my comments and encourage you to check out the entire list along with their reasoning -- which, frankly, is faulty on almost every one. Their basic criteria, by the way, is that these movies "just don't jive with the summer spirit. They're too serious, too treacly, or too completely, horribly awful." Here's the bottom five:
- Dance Flick. From the Wayans family; opening against Terminator Salvation and Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; it's a comedy tailor-made for teens. Not a bomb.
- Away We Go. Sam Mendes directs and John Krasinski stars in an indie comedy. Depends entirely on critics and word of mouth. Could be a bomb.
- Final Destination: Death Trip 3D. Did My Bloody Valentine 3-D teach us nothing? Ka-ching!! Not a bomb.
- Battle for Terra. Animated and in 3-D. Might do OK against Wolverine for parents who think claw guy is too violent for their kids.
- All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (pictured). Low-budget horror usually does fine. Not a barn burner, but not a bomb.
I was expecting to see a few big-budget productions on the list -- at least one or two bomb every year -- and so I ask for your input. Are these summer movies guaranteed to bomb? Or are there other, worthier, more potentially cringe-worthy flicks that will prove to be box office poison?