One day I was strolling alongside bins of super-cheap used DVDs when I spotted Gary Oldman's face. The DVD in question: Tiptoes, directed by the writer/director of Freeway, Matthew Bright. Naturally, I picked it up, wondering how I'd never heard of this movie before. I flipped it over, and started reading:

No couple could be more in love than Steven (Matthew McConaughey) and Carol (Kate Beckinsale). But Steven has a little secret he's been keeping to himself. He has a twin brother (Gary Oldman), who just happens to be a dwarf. In fact, with the exception of Steven, his entire family is made up of little people.

Oldman as a dwarf? There was no way I could refuse such a thing, and rushed home to watch it. As the below trailer shows, this is far from a stellar movie, even if they say the film is filled with "command performances" and that Oldman is in the "role of a lifetime." Oh, the humor of false superlatives. Sure, Oldman does a decent job tackling the part, but better than Immortal Beloved? Romeo is Bleeding? The Professional? Pshaw. I love the man, but a grown man on his knees does not a little person make.

Our Eric D. Snider summed it up perfectly. It's "a movie that's stilted and awkward -- not altogether boring, I must say, because there's a certain trainwreck curiosity about it, but not recommendable, either. It's a barely watchable experiment gone awry." Still, a trainwreck is good every once in a while. Any of you in Cinematicaland ever see it?