On the occasion of the immiment theatrical release of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, it's impossible to ignore the fact that movie studios are continuing to search for beloved toy properties that may be well-suited as blockbuster franchises with worldwide appeal. In recent months, we've been threatened with the prospect of movies based on Monopoly, Candy Land, Ouija, Battleship, Stretch Armstrong, and Major Matt Mason, among others.

Of course, for every Transformers and G.I. Joe movie that makes it to the finish line, there are dozens of concepts that are left behind in the search for the perfect toy -- one that lends itself most readily to situations in which things blow up every ten minutes. Thus, straight from my fevered imagination (and inspired by Scott Weinberg's Cinematical Seven: Bad Ideas for Board Game Movies), here are seven 'toy into movie' concepts that were abandoned or outright rejected as completely unworkable ... for now.

1. Crayola Crayons
After the success of Pee Wee's Big Adventure and Beetlejuice, Tim Burton was all set to direct another children's fantasy, this time an epic tale of the birth, life, and death of a box of Crayola Crayons in their ultimately futile struggle to gain respectability as independent artists. (See unrelated original photograph by David Neff above, which hints at how the death scene might have looked.) Representing a rainbow of colors, the Crayons would also have imparted important anti-racist messages to its young audience. Given the opportunity to make a Batman for a new generation, however, Burton chose the mad world of Bruce Wayne and the Joker over Salmon, and the soothing comforts of crayons. Later, elements of the script were recycled and used in Edward Scissorhands.

categories Cinematical