Everyone loves a horror spoof, right? What'dya mean you wish the Scary Movie franchise would die in a fire? Well, everyone loves when "America's Finest News Source" does a horror spoof, right? That's what I thought.

The Onion News Network has picked up on nationwide reports of sudden ominous music heard around the country, grinding all but the deaf to a halt. Experts say, "the chances [attractive teenage girls wandering alone] will be hacked to pieces by a knife wielding maniac have increased over 600% since the music began."

Other reports think, "the music may be linked to wealthy recent high school graduates speeding along a winding road in a red convertible, screaming and laughing with the hubris of youth."

Full coverage below:
categories Horror