The Book of Eli wants you to know that it is a very, very serious movie. The latest movie from Albert and Allen Hughes is about a dystopian future where dust settles on everything like fine ash, where people are illiterate and books are worth almost as much as water, where women are chattel to be raped and traded, where religion is dead and chaos reigns. (Yes, chaos reigns!) And it's where Eli (Denzel Washington) takes 30 years to walk cross-country, brutally cutting down those in his holy path that seek to harm him or, more importantly, his book.

If you don't think that its empty highways, burned-out cars, and cannibal gangs are serious enough, well, you will be sh*t out of luck keeping a straight face when Eli uses a bow and arrow to kill a Sphinx cat (you know, the bald ones that look like Nosferatu) for dinner. Later, after he's cooked dinner, he offers a piece to a rat, cooing, "You'll like it... it's caaaaat." He settles in for the night listening to an old, battered iPod, and in the morning, he cleans himself with old KFC wet naps. Later, he passes a Busch beer truck. This is our legacy - over-bred cats that require sunscreen yet live through the life-changing event survivors call The Flash and the refuse brand name products.