I have exciting news to announce, my readers. I have an XBox 360! I've joined the modern world! At last, those of you who have asked me for video game / movie related columns can have your wishes fulfilled. (I think there's five of you out there. If I can make five people happy, that makes my existence and digital ink worthwhile.) I haven't played a game system in a long, long time. (The last time I touched a controller was the Dreamcast.) It's actually really exciting to be part of this world again, especially since gaming and cinema have developed a fascinating, symbiotic relationship.
Wait, what's that? Oh. It's the elephant in the room. It's Hollywood's attempts to make video games into movies. Fine, we'll tackle that first. I had a different point to make, but we'll just go obvious and I'll keep everyone hooked by making a very daring declaration right off the bat: I don't understand why video game adaptations fail. I really don't. I haven't understood it since they tried to make Super Mario Bros into a movie. I remember scoffing at that idea (I must have read about it in my movie magazine of choice, Disney Adventures) but as I played Super Mario Bros for the millionth time, unable to get past level 6, I thought "This could work. You could really make it about two plumbers who are sucked into a crazy world, and have to save a princess. They don't know what these giant mushrooms and turtles are, but they are doing their best. I can't wait to see how they do the fireballs." I still remember seeing it in the theater, and thinking that they took the most difficult and awful route that a movie could take. As I said before, it was one of the earliest memories I have of realizing that films could be awful.