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11:59 Tom Hanks gets right the hell to it: The Hurt Locker. Best Picture.

Meanwhile, thousands of horror geeks are yelling things like "We knew about Bigelow in the mid-'80s. Thanks for catching up, Hollywood."

Kathryn Bigelow wins for Best Director (The Hurt Locker), but not before Babs Streisand implies it's because of her gender and not her skill.

ONE MORE TIME: "We have a WOMAN director and a BLACK one!" Let's poke a long overdue occurrence with a stick!!

Even when choked with sincere emotion, Sandy Bullock has to throw in a little joke in at the end. That's why we dig her.

Best Actress goes to Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side. A fine actress in a movie I loathe. Congrats, you cutie. You've paid your dues.

K'bang. Like a hot knife through treacle, here comes Best Actress presenter Sean Penn.