In honor of Friday's release of The Expendables, we're taking a week-long look at the action films of Sir Sylvester Stallone -- which is to say we're skipping his comedies. Out of respect.
Setting: 1993's idea of 1996 Los Angeles (burning Hollywood sign? check), followed by 1993's idea of 2032 "San Angeles," where Taco Bell reigns supreme, jingle-loving citizens get fined for foul language, and seashells have become a critical component of bathroom use
Our hero: John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone), sentenced to 70 years in cryogenic lock-up for the incidental deaths of thirty hostages when attempting to arrest...
Our villain/s: ...Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes doing his best Dennis Rodman), Spartan's overall-wearing arch-nemesis, similarly incarcerated and soon let loose to wreak havoc in the future with his violent tendencies and penchant for "Simon says" jokes
The stakes: The introduction of crime into a society that hasn't had a recorded murder since 2010 (the same year that, according to the film, the Big One hits - heads up, California!)