is the kind of movie where tough guys walk away from an explosion, in slow-motion, without looking behind them. But don't worry! It is also the kind of movie where a man leaps sideways, in slow-motion, while firing two guns at the same time! And the kind of movie where that man is Hayden Christensen!

If you're not hooked already, I don't know what else I can tell you. Directed generically by John Luessenhop from a screenplay written blandly by him and three others, Takers is a buffet of Gritty Crime Drama clichés that offers no surprises but nothing egregiously stupid, either. Basically, you shouldn't see it on purpose, but if you are abducted and required to see it, don't feel like you need to struggle too hard to get away.

Our heroes (I think) are a group of suave, handsome bank robbers. Always dressed to the nines and prone to lounging in the finest nightclubs after a job, these are fancy thieves! And a good-looking bunch they are, too. Christensen plays A.J., who is a street-wise Ivy Leaguer, which means he has tattoos AND a stupid hat. Idris Elba is Gordon, a British cat with a drug-addled aunt (Marianne Jean-Baptiste) causing him problems. Michael Ealy and noted Rihanna-puncher Chris Brown play brothers Jake and Jesse, and Paul Walker is their leader, John.

What's that you say? Paul Walker and Hayden Christensen in the same movie? That's like having a movie with a plank of wood in it, and then also, in that same movie, having an identical plank of wood!