Warning: Contains some spoiler-ish moments.

I finally saw Piranha 3D.

This was after everyone I know saw it at sold-out midnight screenings, at theaters filled to the brim with screaming, laughing horror fans. I kept hearing the same thing from everyone: "Seeing Piranha 3D in a theater was one of the most enjoyable moviegoing experiences in recent memory."

I could only grumble a response and curse my hectic life schedule.

So, I finally saw Piranha 3D. I saw it on a Monday afternoon in a completely empty theater. 89 minutes later, I stepped out of the darkened theater and into the bright sunlight and I got in my car and I thought long and hard about the movie I had just seen. I remain shocked by how long and how hard I thought about a movie called Piranha 3D, which is entirely about prehistoric man-eating fish biting the boobs off pornstars and the penis off Jerry O'Connell.
categories Features, Horror