This just in:
We're all still doomed.
If it's not the world's biggest hail terrorizing towns across America, it's nine countries having record heat waves this summer. Just when you learn that worms have freakishly similar brains to humans, you learn that your genes are being patented by corporations. Yessiree, internal and external threats continue to pound our fragile, hopeless existence into something vaguely resembling chalk dust.
If Stephen Hawking wasn't rolling around town telling everyone that a higher power didn't need to exist to create the universe, I'd praise God for the sheer irony he brings to our road to destruction. British Petroleum finally fixes their mess in the Gulf of Mexico and then, about two seconds later, boom, we get another oil-related disaster on an offshore oil rig. Way to go, guys. We've officially ruined the Gulf for everyone forever. Pack up your bags. Go home. Party's over. This is why we can't have nice things.