You'd be wise to avoid Jessica Alba in public metropolitan spaces. I know she's real pretty and you might want a picture with her or something, but if a bus happens to pass by she'll throw you under it faster than you can say 'Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World.' Last week our own Alison Nastasi brought you word of an interview Alba gave to Elle Magazine, in which the actress (to put it generously) offered choice soundbites about her craft, saying things like, "Good actors never use the script unless it's amazing writing. All the good actors I've worked with, they all say whatever they want to say." Naturally, a few Hollywood scribes took offense to this, including 'Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle' screenwriter (to put it generously) John August, whose frustrated retort was easily the finest work of his career.

Just when the Internet hive mind seemed ready to forgive Ms. Alba her blunder and focus on a boy wizard's 2.5-hour attempt to destroy a piece of jewelry, Elle went ahead and published the rest of the interview (thanks to for the scans). Yikes. It turns out Alba didn't just put her foot in her mouth, she pretty much unhinged her jaw and swallowed a whole leg (Vivid Video has reportedly paid six figures for the footage).