Until the assignment of defending Ashton Kutcher fell to me, my fellow Moviefone writers were passing it around like a brown paper bag at a hobo convention. In the end, I was pressed into duty because I had the least unfavorable opinions about the man.
Apparently, people hate the guy -- who knew? I was surprised by that, so I decided to dig around a little. A quick web search for the words "hate ashton kutcher" churned up a tidy 667,000 results, including dozens of profanity-laced blog entries, the Facebook page "For everyone who just hates Ashton Kutcher," a poem by Dave Chappelle with a title that's unprintable here, and -- my personal favorite -- an article bearing the headline "Ashton Kutcher likes to pee outside everywhere & has webbed feet."
Come on, folks. Hate people who hurt puppies. Hate the politician of your choosing. Hate Osama bin Laden. But Ashton Kutcher? What has he ever done to you? Besides inflicting 'Punk'd' on you, I mean?