Welcome to Adventures in B-Movie Land, the monthly column where I take a look at some of the strangest, cheapest and worst films ever made ... and explore why you have to see them. Look for new entries during the second week of every month.

The Motion Picture:

'Night Train to Terror' (1985), directed by John Carr, Phillip Marshak, Tom McGowan, Jay Schlossberg-Cohen and Gregg C. Tallas

Also Known As:

'Death Wish Club,' 'The Nightmare Never Ends' and 'Scream Your Head Off,' the three films that footage was "borrowed" from to make this movie.

Featuring the Talented:

Ferdy Mayne as Mr. God, Tony Giorgio as Mr. Satan, Byron Yordan as the '80s-tastic singer of the rock band traveling on the titular locomotive and Richard Moll (Bull from 'Night Court') in not one, but two roles!

What Is It?

A deliriously wrongheaded, staggeringly incompetent 1980s horror anthology film that steals footage from three other films (two of them unfinished!) to pad out its running time. Full of extended claymation sequences, rapid voice-over work to fill in gaping plot holes, philosophical debates that feel like they came from a dorm room for the mentally impaired and frequent use of a massive, synth-driven '80s band rocking out on a doomed train occupied by God and Satan, 'Night Train to Terror' is easily one of the worst films ever made. It's also incredible.
categories Columns, Cinematical