If you're like us and value your sleep, you probably nodded off into your Ambien dreamland before the party started on post-prime time TV. Don't worry; we've got you covered. Here's the best of what happened last night on late night.
Kim Kardashian stopped by "Jimmy Kimmel Live," where the host -- a new father himself -- challenged the reality star to a diaper changing contest. Kimmel's sidekick, Guillermo, played nurse to the pair, handing them baby dolls as they raced to see who could change them the fastest. Kimmel had some trouble (including a leaking spout of liquid), leading Guillermo to question his parenting skills. "You should hire a nanny," he suggested.
Kardashian also discussed her now-infamous, ostentatious wedding to rapper Kanye West (including addressing rumors about Kanye's alleged 45-minute toast), and how many tabloids just flat-out lied about what occurred. One, InTouch, printed a front page story claiming the reality star's dress didn't fit -- but used what they dubbed a "photo recreation" of the event that didn't happen. "It doesn't sound like they're very in touch at all," Kimmel quipped.
Kimmel also offered another segment of Lie Witness News, centered around a fake party President Obama threw himself for his 53rd birthday. A woman claimed to have watched a video of Rep. Nancy Pelosi falling off a pony at the bash (and comforting her upset daughter about it), while one man doubled down on his lies by offering his views on Obama pardoning 53 criminals for the occasion. The move was "kind of sultan-ish," the man said, before adding that he and his girlfriend talked about it because she was "more in the loop than me." Some people need to learn to quit while they're ahead.
"Let's Be Cops" stars Damon Wayans Jr. and Jake Johnson also stopped by "Kimmel," where they discussed working together on so many different projects, including Fox sitcom "New Girl," where they met. Kimmel inquired if they considered themselves a comedy team now, and Wayans said their partnership was "kind of like a marriage." "Let's stick with 'team,'" Johnson interjected. The duo also described shooting an awkward scene with a large, naked man in "Let's Be Cops," and admitted their disappointment that his junk wasn't a bit bigger.
The cast of "Orange is the New Black" took over "Conan," beginning with the cold open, where Laverne Cox played host Conan O'Brien's new hairdresser. The woman criticized Conan's signature 'do, recommending he lose the bad wig (because resembling a clown scares a lot of people) before thanking him for inspiring her by being "the first transgender talk show host." When O'Brien insisted he was a man, Cox laughed. "Whatever you say, Bruce Jenner," she quipped.
Dame Helen Mirren visited "The Tonight Show," where she played along with the recurring sketch Mirren, Mirren, in which host Jimmy Fallon, dressed as a young prince with a terrible accent, asks her questions. Mirren answered more mundane queries about her favorite movie ("Sharknado 2") before getting in some good one-liners about "Fifty Shades of Grey" ("Who doesn't love a good spanking once in a while?") and Subway ("You can never go wrong by treating yourself to a nice footlong").
Mirren also sat down with Fallon, where she chastised his accent from the Mirren, Mirren segment and said it wasn't unlike being around actual royalty, which the Oscar winner has a number of times. Mirren described it as "queen-itis," in which you say "ridiculous things" when meeting monarchs and "this weird voice comes out."