Victoria Grayson is back in The Hamptons after a stint at the local insane asylum, which means we can finally break open a can of celebratory caviar because –– yep, the time for revenging is upon us. Now that Emily Thorne's arch nemesis has made her triumphant debut in East Hampton, it's only a matter of time before they partake in more snarky conversations full of side-eyes and side-smiles. Of course, Victoria ended last week's episode asphyxiated in some bushes with her undead former love, but don't worry –– Queen V didn't let the awkward reunion throw off her revenge game.

Also, before we dive lobster roll first into our "Revenge" recap, it should be noted that yes, Jack Porter is still a policeman, and yes, it's still completely hilarious.

Night of the Living Dead
Last time we checked on Victoria she was swooning in the arms of David Clarke, who's apparently been living in a sewer for the past twenty odd years like some feral animal. Turns out David's in town to show off his facial hair and reconnect with old friends –– though why he felt the need to immediately assault Victoria remains a mystery. Either way, poor Victoria wakes up in the back of a truck, and after trying to kill David with a pair of Manolos, they head to David's underground lair (so homey!) where Victoria apologizes for that one awkward time she ruined his life. These two are definitely still in love (who else saw a twinkle in Victoria's eye when David announced that he'd murdered Conrad?) but Victoria doesn't seem to love David enough to reveal the truth about Emily. In fact, she does the opposite and tells David that Ems is the only person who stands between them having a relationship!

The Boys In Blue
Time to check in on PoPo Porter (aka Jack), whom –– lest you forget –– is now a man of the law who everyone should definitely take super seriously. But despite his manly new job, Jack is plagued by his inner demons, especially when it comes to Emily. It's clear that this former barkeep has feelings for his childhood sweetheart, but there's one problem: his partner in solving crime also seems to have the hots for Ems. Or, at the very least, he's taking a major interest in her and won't stop talking about how pretty she is. Expect this love triangle to heat up as the season progresses, but we're definitely Team Jack.

Sex, Lies, and Tons of Cocaine
Over at the Voulez offices, Daniel Grayson and Margaux LeMarchal scheme to undermine Gideon, and first on their list? Conning him into going to an important business meeting only to have a prostitute show up and take a couple baggies of cocaine from his pocket (in front of a tabloid reporter, no less). Unfortunately, Gideon flies off the handle, admits to killing Daniel's redheaded prostitute, and promptly threatens to murder Margaux. Luckily, Margaux is one step ahead of him! First, she throws Daniel under the bus by admitting that he staged the cocaine bust, and then once again double-crosses Gideon by planting even more cocaine in his briefcase –– this time ensuring his arrest as he goes through airport security. Naturally, Margaux celebrates her victory in style: by engaging in a hot and heavy makeout session with Daniel. Side note: maybe if Gideon shaved off his goatee he'd stop acting so sinister? Just a working theory.

The Big Reveal
Now that Victoria's back in The Hamptons, Emily finally has a reason to wake up in the morning and breathe in the intoxicating smell of revenge (and that red Sharpie she's addicted to), and first on her to-do list? Keeping track of The Graysons. Thanks to Nolan's nerd-core sleuth skills, Emily tracks down Charlotte –– but unfortunately this former socialite's in somewhat of a downward spiral. After catching Gideon cheating on her, poor Charlotte turns to a sinister vial of cocaine before heading to a roof and contemplating suicide. Luckily, Emily (and Jack, we see you too!) manages to save Charlotte's life, and finally reveals that a) she kidnapped her, b) they're sisters from the same mister, c) she's Amanda Clarke, and d) she, too, tried to kill herself –– and got a double infinity tattoo to hide the scars on her wrist. So many truth bombs, so little time!

Charlotte's Web
Unfortunately, Charlotte isn't impressed by Emily's big reveal and doesn't seem interested in a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants style bonding session. Instead, she invites Emily to The Stowaway in order to read a letter, only to hit her over the head with a fire extinguisher and burn the entire building down. Good to know that Charlotte's also inherited the Clarke Family murder gene!

Question Time!

1. Uhm, is Emily dead? Because she's definitely passed out in a giant ring of fire.

2. Does Charlotte really hate Emily enough to kill her? Seems slightly out of character....

3. Will Daniel and Margaux's story somehow intertwine with Emily's revenge plot, because right now they're on a limb.

4. When will Emily find out her dad is alive, and more importantly –– will she reveal her identity?

5. Where is this season going? The first two episodes have been great, but Emily's revengenda is complete... she could easily tell David Clarke her true identity, but what then?