Another day, another pearl-clutching episode of "Revenge" in which we ate our emotions in the form of lobster rolls. But before we get into tonight's recap, you're probably wondering whether Emily Thorne died in a fiery pit of doom thanks to Charlotte Grayson tapping into her inner arsonist during last week's episode. The answer is obviously no, because a) there's still more revenging to be done, b) Emily has to meet her undead father, and c) this girl literally cannot be killed, no matter how many times she's shot, half-drowned or asphyxiated. But what's on Miss Thorne's Revegenda now that she's been betrayed by her sister? Read our recap to find out!
Meet The Parents
Now that Victoria Grayson's convinced David Clarke that the key to their happiness lies in ridding The Hamptons of Emily, there's only one thing to be done: Victoria must recruit her minions –– otherwise known as her children. Unfortunately, Daniel wants nothing to do with his mother thanks to the fact that she abandoned him for six months –– and even more unfortunately, Victoria runs into her former psych ward bestie, Louise, who's definitely up to no good. More on that later.
Since Daniel rejects Victoria in favor of solitude and self pity, she turns to Charlotte and together they decide to take Emily down once and for all. But first Charlotte has to re-connect with David Clarke in the creepy cabin they're staying in! So much bonding, so little time.
The Family That Betrays Togethers Stays Together
Last time we checked on Emily she was face-planted on the floor of The Stowaway surrounded by a bunch of smoke (side note: so glad to see "Lost's" The Smoke Monster was finally re-cast in another TV show!). Luckily, Jack and his denim jacket break into the bar and rescue Ems before she dies –– but instead of exacting revenge on her sister, Emily is overcome by guilt. In one last effort to mend fences, Emily pings Charlotte's cell phone, finds her at David Clarke's cabin hideout, and wanders into the woods for a family reunion only to be held up at gunpoint by Victoria. While Emily does manage to yell a quick apology in Charlotte's general direction, she doesn't run into David because apparently he was out foraging in the woods for mushrooms or something. Who knows what that guy gets up to....
In other news, we're slightly concerned about the local wildlife now that Victoria has a rifle. Please immediately fly south, birds of New York State.
RIP, The Stowaway
Time to catch up with "Revenge's" resident hero Jack Porter, who –– despite being arrested for abduction –– is still a policeman. Poor Jack is devastated that his father's bar was burned to a crisp, and spends most of this episode tenderly frolicking in the ashes before running into a local yokel who informs him that Charlotte was at the scene of the crime. Naturally, Jack has an emotional meltdown about Emily lying to him, and then spends the rest of the episode contemplating whether or not to rebuild The Stowaway. Ultimately, he decides not to –– which probably has something to do with his secret desire to start a new life with Emily. Too bad Jack's partner, Officer Hunter, is also into Ems...as is made evident when he shows up in the woods and asks her on a date. Judging you, Officer Hunter.
Everyone Hates Daniel Grayson
Over in the devious world of Voulez Magazine, Margaux and Daniel are perfecting the art of making out whilst simultaneously scheming, and their new mission? For Daniel to "take Wall Street by storm" by getting chummy with an old school friend. Sadly, no one wants to hire poor Danny, and to make matters worse he's kicked out of his hotel for failing to pay the bills. Maybe it's time for this former big wig to hit up a hostel, or at the very least stop unintentionally aiding and abetting in the murder of prostitutes.
While You Were Sleeping
In order for Victoria's sinister plans to work, she needs money (those bandage dresses don't buy themselves) –– but while she runs over to NYC to hit up Margaux for a few million dollars, several important events occur. First, Daniel gives Louise financial advice at a hotel bar (run away, Louise!), and then David takes matters into his own hands and hunts down Emily. Thanks to Victoria painting his daughter as a demonic life-ruiner, this former terrorist grabs his creepiest knife, dons a black hoodie and heads down to The Hamptons to confront Emily while her security system is down. The result? David stares at her while she sleeps (not at all creepy), looks shocked as he presumably realizes that Emily is his child, and then escapes out the window as Nolan comes in shooting at him with a pistol. In other words, it was just your average night in The Hamptons.
1. Did David recognize Emily? His face definitely looked all kinds of confused, but then again it's hard to tell what he's thinking due to that unruly facial hair.
2. Will Charlotte forgive Emily? Let's not forget that these two are sisters for better or worse, and Emily's decision not to sell Charlotte out to the police could win her sibling points.
3. Will Daniel become Louise's financial advisor? He's looking for a job, and she's looking for a friend!
4. Will David join Team Emily or Team Victoria? He'd better pick carefully, because neither of these vigilantes are a good enemy to have.
5. Will Jack confess his feelings for Emily? Because he's clearly holding a giant, flickering candle for her.