REVENGE -
Another day, another episode of "Revenge" in which Emily wanders around The Hamptons harassing socialites in the name of father-daughter bonding. And speaking of fathers, it's been a few weeks since David Clarke made his zombie-like return to Long Island, and we're finally starting to learn what he's been up to –– other than growing the world's most patchy beard. This former convict has so many secrets hiding in that facial hair!

In other news, Emily and Daniel reconnected this week, and it was surprisingly sexually tense.... Call us crazy, but we think Danny might start writing poetry about his ex-wife sometime soon.

Jack Is Still A Policeman, and Other Complaints

Let's start our recap at the police station, where our favorite former sea urchin, Jack Porter, has decided to investigate Conrad Grayson's murder. In other words, Jack decides to meddle, because it's his favorite hobby ever. First, this good Samaritan tells Emily about finding David's secret hideout (sigh, such a gossip), then he meets up with David to scold him for humiliating Nolan on live television, and then he tells David that Amanda and Emily were BFFs. Because he just can't help himself.

Meanwhile, Jack and his partner find the body of the random kidnapper who Charlotte accidentally-on-purpose murdered and –– uh oh –– they also find a murder weapon that matches the one used to kill Conrad Grayson!

Emily and David Finally Meet, Speak In Hushed Whispers

Until now, Emily's relationship with David has mostly consisted of her stalking him (the usual), but this week David shows up at Emily's mansion hot off the heels of her finding a creepy knife and key hidden at his house. After staring wistfully into David's eyes, Emily drops the news that Victoria tried to kill Amanda at her baby shower, and then immediately starts revenging. First up? Digging into her dad's past by hiring Nolan to access his safety deposit box! But more on that later.

While Emily researches her Dad's secret history, David and his whisper-voice do some investigating into the life of his long lost daughter. This poor dude is torn between Victoria and Emily's conflicting stories, so naturally he heads down to the strip club where Amanda used to work for a lap dance few answers. Unfortunately, Victoria gets to Amanda's stripper friend first and convinces her to tell David a pack of lies –– but more importantly this entire scene is hilarious. Well done, people who write "Revenge."

Fatal Attraction

Remember last week when Daniel's new client, Louise, started single white femaling Margaux LeMarchal? Well, she's gotten so much crazier. Basically, Louise grills Margaux about her relationship with Daniel while they sit in a sauna, and then tries to steam her to death after having an imaginary conversation with her mother. So, yeah...apparently Louise has all kinds of Southern voices inside her head, and they want her to murder people. Daniel sure knows how to pick 'em! Thankfully, Margaux breaks out of the steam room, but she suspects Louise of trying to kill her and finds out that she slept with Daniel. Sounds like this Southern belle could find herself in hot water (not to be confused with hot steam), but considering the fact that she's becoming chummy with Nolan Ross (who ends up buying a beach club thanks to Louise's advice), we're thinking she'll be A-OK.

Daniel Confronts His Ex-Wife, May Still Be Into Her

Thanks to Charlotte being the worst sister ever, Daniel knows about Emily's real identity –– and he decides to take matters into his own hands before getting caught in the crossfire between his mom and his ex-wife. While we would have loved Daniel to write Emily a poem declaring his feels, he ends up holding her up in an elevator –– interrupting her trip to the bank while he's at it. Luckily, Em makes it to her dad's safety deposit box after agreeing to leave Daniel alone, and ends up finding tons of money, a gun and a USB stick housing photos of Amanda Clarke. Wait, David was tracking Amanda and never bothered to tell her he was alive? Uncool.
It doesn't seem like anything's coming up Emily this week, and to make matters worse, Victoria and David are more in love than ever. Queen V even hunts down the jewelry that David gave her just to win him over! Yep, these two are poised for yet another night of middle-aged romance –– until Emily storms into the beach house in an emotional fit of rage and tearfully asks her father why he never tried to contact her. That's right, Emily finally reveals her true identity, but before David can react, Victoria sneaks out and accidentally electrocutes herself on a power line. Because apparently the wiring at Emily's old house issuper bad. So, is Victoria dead? Who knows, but this was the most. Dramatic. Episode. Ever.

Question Time....

1. Did anyone else sense some sexual tension between Louise and Nolan? We're slightly worried about our favorite character getting caught up in yet another terrible relationship.

2. Speaking of sexual tension, what did you make of Daniel and Emily's elevator scene? Daniel seemed more attracted to his ex-wife than ever, and we're thinking their romance might be rekindled.

3. If David knew fake-Emily (aka Amanda) was alive, why didn't he try to reach out to her? He has some serious explaining to do.

4. Will Margaux and Daniel get past this rough patch in their relationship? If Margaux was able to move on from Daniel sleeping with a prostitute a few days before they started dating, we're thinking yes.

5. Is Victoria in a coma? She didn't look conscious in the preview for next week's episode, but at least her accident gives Emily and David time for some much-needed bonding.