Thanksgiving is officially over, which means "Revenge" has finally returned from its Turkey-day hiatus and is serving up a giant plate of vigilante goodness –– a dish that is obviously best served cold. Last week, Emily saved her dad from being kidnapped by some random bad-guys (The Hamptons are literally the least safe place ever) and this week she decided to try her hand at torturing people. Good to know that her sense of right and wrong is so on point! Now, time for our recap.

Emily Dabbles In Torture, Enjoys It Way Too Much

As previously mentioned, Emily decides to hold one of David's would-be kidnappers hostage in her basement until he reveals that he was hired by a mystery man with "cops in his pocket," but fear not –– it isn't long before Nolan discovers what she's up to and frees her hostage. And speaking of Nolan, he and Margaux are still in cahoots to bring down Louise Ellis, but their plan epically fails when Louise realizes that Nolan's digging up dirt on her family. This mega-nerd quickly remedies the situation by joining Team Louise, but enough about this ginger bombshell and her lovable multiple personalities. There are far more important things to discuss, like Jack's love life.

PoPo Porter is still dating his FBI partner Kate Taylor, and yes, to answer your question, he's super-angsty about it. Not only is Jack conflicted about whether or not to make out with Kate, he's right in the thick of Emily and David's web of lies. You see, after Jack learns of David's attack at the hospital, he heads to the station to interview one of the assailants only to find that he's committed suicide. Naturally, Emily thinks said suicide is a murder, and first on her list of suspects? Chief Alvarez.

In an effort to get more information on Alvarez, Emily agrees to go out with Officer Ben Hunter, who's suffering from unreasonably hurt feelings because everyone likes Jack better than him. This unlikely duo head to bar to mingle with the mere mortals, and Emily wastes no time grilling Ben about his boss. Unfortunately, Emily gets all mortal kombat when Ben tries to tenderly brush her face, and the date comes to an end before Em can gather any real intel. Also, laughing forever at the thought of Ben thinking he could date Emily. Bless his heart.

Oh, and Office Hunter might not be the only eligible bachelor falling for Emily. Despite proclaiming his love for Margaux who is (surprise!) pregnant, Daniel "I'm a Poet and I Didn't Know It" Grayson seems to have the hots for his ex-wife. As in he literally tells her she looks hot for no apparent reason. Good times!

David Shaves His Beard, Victoria Perfects The Art of Sleuthing

Breaking news: David Clarke finally remembered what a razor is, and he's newly shaven. Thank the Revenge Lords. In completely unrelated news, this fresh-faced former terrorist finally gives Nolan a much-deserved apology, and then spends the rest of the episode snarking at Victoria. You see, despite being electrocuted by an evil power line, Victoria is back to doing what she does best: being a terrible mother to her drug addicted / prostitute procuring children and obsessing over David's past.

Victoria meets with Chief Alvarez (apparently they're buddies?) who wastes no time breaking every policeman code ever and telling Victoria that Vince Walsh (the moon-tatted man who was pinned for Conrad's murder) tried to run down David. Victoria confronts David, and after a tense conversation about love, trust, and facial hair (OK, not that), she tries to convince him to run away with her –– only to have him storm out to hide a flash-drive in some gross, dirty old safe stuffed full of money. Sigh, kids these days!

David Reveals The Truth About His Past, Remains Beardless

Apparently David just can't get enough of Nolan, because he pays him yet another visit, this time spilling all the details about his mysterious past. Turns out David was smuggled out of prison by a man named Malcolm Black who runs an illegal arms operation out of Canada. Naturally, David decides he should probably flit off to confront Malcolm, and asks Nolan to give his hidden flash-drive to the media if he dies in the process. How, uhm, final.... Nolan points out that this is the worst plan in the history of plans, and reveals that he's been keeping tabs on Emily's hostage using some hilarious tracking powder (because that's a thing), which then gives David the opportunity to give the hostage a message for Malcolm. Phew!

Unfortunately, Victoria's cronies also suss out Malcolm and David's connection, and inform her that David owes Malcolm a huge sum of money. Her solution? Giving them a photo of Emily Thorne. Looks like someone's about to be held for ransom!

Oh, and if you're wondering about how poor Ben is after being rejected by Emily, don't stress. Em meets up with him to apologize / unload her suspicions about Alvarez, and after Ben reveals that the Chief had an alibi for the kidnapper's murder, she comes to the realization that he isn't working for Malcolm. However Jack's new girlfriend is. This guy sure can pick 'em!

And now, for some burning questions:

1. Is Margaux really pregnant, or is she pulling an Emily Thorne?
2. Will Emily reveal Kate's true colors to Jack, or let him get his heart broken again?
3. According to "Revenge's" promo, someone might die next week. Let the theorizing begin!
4. Will Emily be abducted by Malcolm and held for ransom?
5. Will Louise join Team Revenge and put her crazy to good use?