PRETTY LITTLE LIARS -
We know this is mind-blowing information, but the characters in "Pretty Little Liars'" actually have lives beyond hanging out with their omnipresent sociopath stalker. Yep, Spencer Hastings, Aria Montgomery, Hanna Marin and Emily Fields are in their senior year of High School –– which means college is just around the corner. Of course, it's slightly difficult to get excited about school when you're being harassed on a daily basis, which brings us to this week's recap, in which the little liars juggle college, family, their favorite deranged psycho, and their fleet of significant others –– one of whom used to stalk them (cough, Ezra, cough).


Mike Is More Evil Than Ever (Might Be A Vampire), Aria Makes A New Friend
Good news everyone: Rosewood is holding a blood drive, which is obviously a great opportunity for A to steal the liars' bodily fluids and plant them all over town. In fact, it appears as though Mike Montgomery –– who spends most of this episode shirtless and sweating –– is doing just that. Not only is this fellow in communication with a mysterious man named Hank, he's keeping tubes of blood in his mini fridge and the liars are getting suspicious –– especially after they find out Mike has $18k in the bank. Side note: where are Aria and Mike's parents? Do they have any idea that their kids troll around abandoned ponds at night? Someone call CPS.

Speaking of the Montgomerys, it's time to discuss Aria's future. This girl isn't exactly the most intelligent liar in the bunch, and unfortunately Savannah College of Art and Design will only accept her if she boosts her grades (which is something Ezra doesn't know due to the growing distance between them). Aria solicits the help of Spencer's friend Andrew Campbell after cheating off his test (that's right, Aria is a cheater, deal with it), but their study session gets cut short when Mike leaves the house with a wad of cash. You guessed it: Aria wants to follow him, and she needs Andrew to give her and Emily a ride.

Spencer Morphs Into Banksy, Hanna Confronts Her Dad
Spencer's been spending most of her waking hours avoiding her boyfriend Toby "Kindergarten Cop" Cavanaugh, and has become best friends with the weird hippie living in her tool shed. Naturally, she decides to ditch the whole "college thing" to paint a mural at Hollis with him, but said mural happens to be illegal –– something Spencer doesn't realize because she's too busy literally swooning in Jonny's arms. The next day, Spence is furious when she reads reports of vandalism at the school, and after yelling "I was arrested for murder" she storms off and decides to get her head back into the college game. What a relief, we were so worried.

Meanwhile, Hanna –– who's been accepted to every college ever –– gets turned down for financial aid and calls on her dad some quick cash. Unfortunately, Papa Marin refuses to help because he's too busy paying for his stepdaughter to go to Dartmouth, which makes him the worst parent of all time. The good news is that Ezra offers Hanna some words of wisdom (um, thanks?), and she's inspired to enter a beauty pageant with a $20k cash prize.

Also, if you're wondering how things with Ms. Marin are going, the answer is not good. Ashley tells Ted that she cheated on him, and now he's "thinking" about whether or not he still wants to marry her. Yikes.

A Sends Off A Text, Emily Discovers Talia's Secret
Wondering where Aria and Emily end up? At an insanely creepy biker bar (Andrew drops them off and ostensibly peaces out), where they see Mike hand off a package to "Hank" –– who turns out to be Cyrus Petrillo, aka Alison DiLaurentis' fake kidnapper! At this point Spencer shows up to lurk in the bushes with her friends, and the three of them get a text from A with a picture of their blood. Oh, and then they get chased down the street by Cyrus until Andrew shows up and rescues them with a baseball hat. All in all, just another fabulous night in Rosewood!

Finally, it's time for a relationship update with Emily and Talia. Emily seems pretty infatuated by her new love interest, but it turns out Talia is married. To a man. Something Em finds out from Ezra as he's tragically sitting alone in his abandoned bookshop. Apparently, Talia and her husband are no longer romantically in love, and he's fine with her dating women, so everything is all good! You know, minus the fact that this episode ends with A spreading drops of blood all over a piece of cloth while Mike lurks in Spencer's backyard. So maybe no "all good" after all.

Burning Questions
1. Is Mike really working for Alison? That seems nuts –– is it possible that he and Cyrus are actually working against her?
2. Mike's late night drop off last week got us thinking...is Mona still alive?!
3. Will Ashley Marin end up getting hitched to Ted, or will he reject her now that she's admitted to cheating?
4. Spencer and Jonny are getting pretty close. Is Toby history?
5. Aria and Ezra are lacking major chemistry? Is a breakup in our future? No seriously, do we have to change into a black mourning outfit, or?
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