Remember when Victoria Grayson was the Queen of The Hamptons? Well now she's a mere townie, and all she has to her name is a few cocktail dresses and some creepy feral dogs. Why? Because Grandpa Grayson left his entire inheritance to a gold digger named Natalie, and this broad is all about dethroning Victoria!
Other things to note before diving into this recap: Margaux LeMarchal is obsessed with ruining Emily Thorne's life, and Jack Porter is at serious risk of drowning in a puddle of his own tears. Praying for him.
Natalie's True Nature Is Revealed, David's Beard Says Hi
It's Independence Day in The Hamptons, which means everyone's once again celebrating their love for the USofA as well as their mutual loathing for one another! However, this year it's Natalie who holds the annual soiree for The Hamptons' elite, and she decides to invite David Clarke as her date –– because apparently she doesn't mind that horrifying crop of fur that he calls a beard.
Considering that David and Victoria were hooking up a few weeks ago, you can only imagine Victoria's wrath when she realizes that Natalie has her eye on David. But shocker: Victoria is right on about everything –– and we mean everything. Not only is Natalie going after the Grayson gold, she was secretly in love with Conrad and only married Grandpa Grayson as sloppy seconds. Apparently she's in town to complete Conrad's mission and ruin David's life by claiming that he sexually assaulted her –– but don't stress: Victoria saves the day and gets Natalie's deranged musings on tape. Looks this socialite is being cast away like an old bandage dress.
Emily Beats Margaux at Her Own Game, Gets Into Bar Fight While Doing So
We don't know if it's the crazy baby living in her stomach or the fact that she was manipulated by Jack's small child last week, but Margaux is out for revenge. Her plan? Threatening to expose the location of Officer Ben Hunter's ex-wife, April, who happens to be hiding from an abusive ex. Drama! As you might expect, Ben is willing and ready to throw Em under the bus if it means protecting his former paramour, so he forks over Em's OG birth certificate to Margaux... Or does he?
Turns out Ben is secretly working for Emily, but his double-cross causes Margaux to put April in harm's way. Emily and Ben head over to a backwoods bar to protect this girl from her ex-boyfriend after Margaux tells him her secret location, and you better believe Em ends up getting her revenge on.
First, April reveals that she had go into hiding thanks to Ben ratting out her boyfriend to the police (sigh, typical Officer Hunter), and then said boyfriend and his hilarious hair show up and get into a bar fight with Emily. Spoiler alert: she wins. You've been revenged, buddy!
Jack Feels Sorry For Himself, Gets A DUI
Jack is a broken man, and it's all thanks to the fact that Emily totally rejected him. This poor guy is a shadow of his former self –– but hey, at least he has Baby Carl David, who's basically being raised by nannies because Jack is too busy sobbing internally / working at a bar. In other words, he needs help. But don't worry, FKA PoPo Porter nabs a gig at Nolan's club after having a meltdown about how he's not a charity case, and he also gets Nolan to open up a day care just feet from the bar! This is great news (minus Carl being raised at a bar...), but just when Jack's life is looking up everything goes wrong. You see, Margaux schemes with the police to get her ex-boyfriend pulled over and arrested for a faux DUI –– and as if that isn't bad enough the cops take Baby Carl David! Though considering the fact that he's already being raised by strangers, this might not be the worst thing ever.
In other news, Nolan and Louise are enjoying married life, but there's trouble in paradise when Louise wants her evil brother, Lyman Ellis, to move in with them. After Louise vehemently defends her big bro, we learn that he's secretly downloading files from Nolan's computer for Margaux. But don't worry Louise gets revenge by pushing him off a cliff, so yeah –– he may or may not be dead. Bye forever, Lyman.
And now, some burning questions....
1. Is Lyman really dead? We didn't see a body.... so hmmm. Pics or it didn't happen!
2. Will Baby Carl David really be taken from his dad? This injustice will not stand!
3. Victoria saved David from yet another scandal. Does this mean they might get back together?
4. Nolan seems torn about his relationship with Louise. Do you think he has real feelings for her?