Premiere Of Lionsgate's "American Ultra" - ArrivalsJesse Eisenberg is right: "You can't convince cats of anything." The "Batman v Superman" co-star was recently a guest on "The Tonight Show" and took part in the show's "Unqualified Advice" segment. He read off random fan questions -- on cats, butt tattoos, running 5Ks, lactose intolerance, and room sharing -- and offered some damn good advice from backstage.

His rapid-fire deadpan delivery is everything. He's very confident about his answers, too, and that goes a long way. He should probably just set up a vlog and do this every week, because he sounds quite authoritative.

Here's just one example:

Jesse Eisenberg, reading off the question: "'I am 19 years old and have several tattoos that mother is unaware of...' (They don't say 'my mother,' they say 'mother.' We're all related.) ' of them being on my butt. Should I tell her or just never go to a family beach day again?'"

Jesse's answer: "Well, I would avoid the beach days for other reasons, but this provides a kind of nice, concise reason to avoid the beach days. And maybe at some point you should tell her. Or, actually, what you should do is get a tattoo of 'Mom' on your arm and then say, 'Mom, I got a tattoo of your name,' and she'll be so overwhelmed and she'll say something like, 'Wow, it's so beautiful. In fact, maybe I'll even change my opinion about tattoos; I used to think they were ugly, but seeing that and what you've done for me makes me like them.' And then say, 'Oh yeah, and also, the rest of my body is tattooed.'"

It might work! Check it out:

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