The marvelous new Honest Trailer for "Captain America: Civil War" is nearly seven minutes of heaven, from side-by-side comparisons to "Batman v Superman" (there are so many) and rolling Zemo's full evil plan in a screen crawl, to appreciating that Steve "Captain America" Rogers and Bucky "The Winter Soldier" Barnes really do have "the greatest love story of all." Heck, even Tumblr got a shoutout for all of the Stucky fan art the film inspired.

"Civil War" ostensibly follows the clash of "dickishly stubborn" Cap and "stubbornly dickish" Tony Stark, but it's really about "Barnes & Noble" -- the beefcake 90-year-old virgin and his loooooongtime BFF, "the man whose haircut was frozen in the '90s."

As ScreenJunkies put it:

"Experience a film that's more than just mindless action, it's also about love," including "the greatest love story of all, as Steve Rogers once again pines for the plums of a man that only he and Tumblr really care about, as he tries to redeem this brainwashed killer caveman for the second film in a row while ignoring two perfectly good boyfriends who are right there in front of his face."

Those perfectly good boyfriends would be Iron Man and Cap's other bestie, Sam "Falcon" Wilson. Honestly, Cap does have more chemistry with all three guys than Sharon Carter.

Watch the full trailer:

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Captain America: Civil War
PG-132016
Based on 52 critics

A feud between Captain America (Chris Evans) and Iron Man leaves the Avengers in turmoil. Read More