Elizabeth Keen might be single and ready to mingle, but let's not forget that she's actually married to Washington D.C.'s resident deranged murderer, Tom Keen –– aka our second-favorite character on "The Blacklist" other than Raymond Reddington's fedora. Last time we checked on Tom, he was secretly in cahoots with Red, and this week he's back for even more iffiness. In other words, your prayers have been answered. But what does Tom want? Read on.

Reddington Gets Himself Kidnapped, Liz Flies To His Rescue

Apparently there's a creepy family known as the Kings lurking around the USofA, and they consist of a geriatric old man named Earl and his two sons, Tyler and Francis. These American royals (not to be confused with actual American royals, Kim and Kanye West) spend their time hosting covert auctions where anything from paintings to humans are sold, and their latest acquisition is Reddington's friend, Madeline Pratt. Or is it?

Turns out Madeline's kidnapping is just a ploy to draw Red into the King family's upcoming auction (Lot Number 11, what up?!), which means it's time for Liz to go undercover! In what has to be the best "Blacklist" operation of all time, Elizabeth assumes the place of a high profile art curator (which basically means she gets to wear an awesome Olivia Pope style jacket all day), is promptly drugged, taken to a fancy castle, and given a warm welcome by Earl King. Of course the FBI lose track of her in the process, because they are basically terrible at their jobs.

Raymond Goes Up For Auction, Elizabeth Gets Made

Elizabeth's job is super dangerous, but considering that she spends this week's episode trying on jewelry, wearing fancy clothing and gazing at fabulous art, we're thinking her life isn't too shabby. You know, minus the evil ex-husband and daddy issues. Anyway, Tom's deception must have really paid off, because Liz is a total natural at undercover work, and she eases through the auction effortlessly. Until the woman whose identity she assumes tips off the Kings, outing Elizabeth in the process....

Once Liz's cover is blown, she's hauled into a creepy underground cell where she'll doubtless be killed –– but fear not, she manages to escape and rescue some small traumatized boy while she's at it. Meanwhile, Reddington is auctioned for $18 million, and promptly taken into an abandoned room to be murdered, but Lizzie once again saves the day by killing his would-be murderer. Annnnd then Red turns around and kills Earl King –– making this a pretty blood-soaked episode.

Oh, and speaking of the Kings, turns out Tyler and Francis have some creepy death-wish wherein whichever brother raises less money at the auction has to pull the trigger in a sick game of Russian Roulette. That's not weird or anything.

Tom Shaves His Head, Becomes A Nazi, Makes Everyone Uncomfortable

Turns out Tom spent his time away from "The Blacklist" growing his hair into a middle-parted fright-fest, but good news: he's offered a new undercover job as a German fellow named Christof, and the first thing he does is shave his head. Thank. God.

Tom gives Liz a call to say goodbye, and after a sexually tense conversation, he proceeds to get a bunch of "SS"-themed tattoos all over his body and then engage in an angry bar fight. So yeah, you might say he's taking a preeeeeeeeetty questionable path in life.

In other news, Detective Cooper is put into an awkward position when the same friend who hooked him up with a clinical trial wants an illegal favor. We all know how much Cooper values his morals, and it looks like he's about to embrace his impending doom instead of abandoning his beliefs –– which means he has literally no effs to give when it comes to the FBI's treatment of prisoners. After all, he can't get fired if he's dead!

And now for some burning questions....

1. What's the deal with Tom's new job? Because unless he's taking down a fleet of Neo-Nazis, there's cause for concern.

2. Is Cooper really going to die? Surely he'll manage to beat his cancer and go into remission, right?

3. The Fulcrum was barely mentioned this week –– does Red no longer care about finding it, or are there just other fish to fry?

4. Tom and Liz seemed to have some over-the-phone tension. Will they get back together once Liz forgives him for all those times he tried to kill her?