Stephen Rodrick's lengthy profile is alternately sad, strange, confusing, poignant, damning, illuminating, alarming, and pretty hilarious.
The purpose from Depp's side seems to be a desire for justice in his legal battles with his business managers over his lost fortune.
He considers himself a funny man and tells me how, in one of the early Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Sparrow washes ashore and mumbles an incoherent curse.
"I say 'Dirty Sanchez,' " says Depp, using slang for an obscene sex act. "Before the DVD, they dropped it out."
Depp has a great affinity for Sparrow, whose persona is borrowed from Keith Richards, another Depp idol. He's protective of the character and claims he battled with Disney screenwriters repeatedly.
"Why must you have these f*cking heinous subplots?" asks Depp. "It's convoluted. There is not a f*cking soul that wants to see Captain Jack Sparrow sad."
He may have a point there. But he may lose you in the section that includes a random pitch to make "Titanic" in a bathtub. That comes toward the very end of the interview, when the reporter is tired but Depp's mind is still racing:
"Depp rambles on about what he wants to do as soon as the lawsuits are settled and he is vindicated. There is a French book he wants to adapt and direct. It's about a man who loses his wife, loses everything and then checks into a senior-citizen home even though he's only in his forties.
"It's called Happier Days," Depp tells me. (This is not to be confused with a Keith Richards documentary that Depp says he's halfway done with, which is tentatively titled Happy.)
From there, it's a short jump to musing about a remake of Titanic, filmed entirely in a bathtub.
"That would be great, but Hollywood never takes risks anymore," says Depp with a sigh.
I want to go home, but feel reluctant to leave. One of the most famous actors in the world is now smoking dope with a writer and his lawyer while his cook makes dinner and his bodyguards watch television. There is no one around him who isn't getting paid."
To the bathtub!
Brushing aside the sadness that no one around Depp isn't being paid -- and his defenders are all fans who don't really know him beyond the big screen or selfies/autographs -- what do you think of "Titanic" in a bathtub? Would you watch? Honestly ... we might give it a shot, just out of curiosity.
There's a lot in the interview about the money issues, and while much of it sounds insane, this part is just funny:
"It's insulting to say that I spent $30,000 on wine," says Depp. "Because it was far more."
Depp says they got the Hunter S. Thompson cannon story wrong, too. "By the way, it was not $3 million to shoot Hunter into the f*cking sky," says Depp. "It was $5 million."
Haha. He also addressed the idea that he has his lines fed to him through an earpiece on movie sets (a rumor that earned an eyeroll from Jessica Chastain):
"According to the suit, Depp kept a sound engineer on the payroll so he could feed him lines through an earpiece while filming. This Depp does not deny, saying the sounds fed to him made him act with just his eyes.
'I've got bagpipes, a baby crying and bombs going off,' says Depp. 'It creates a truth. Some of my biggest heroes were in silent film,' Depp tells me, lighting another cigarette. 'It had to be behind the eyes. And my feeling is, that if there's no truth behind the eyes, doesn't matter what the f*cking words are.'"
Read the full profile for more on his money woes and allegedly abusive relationship with ex-wife Amber Heard.
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Thrust into an all-new adventure, a down-on-his-luck Capt. Jack Sparrow feels the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost sailors led by his old nemesis, the evil Capt. Salazar, escape from the Devil's Triangle. Jack's only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, but to find it, he must forge an uneasy alliance with a brilliant and beautiful astronomer and a headstrong young man in the British navy. Read More