George Wyner Quotes

Larry Gopnik She seems to be asking an awful lot. But then, I don't know. Somebody has to pay for Sy's funeral.

Rabbi Nachtner Uh-huh.

Larry Gopnik His own estate is in probate, but why does it have to be me? Or is it wrong to complain? Judy says it is. But I'm so strapped for cash right now, carrying the mortgage, and paying for the Jolly Roger, and I wrecked the car, and Danny's Bar Mitzvah coming up, I...

Rabbi Nachtner Something like this... there's never a good time.

Larry Gopnik I don't know where it all leaves me, Sy's death. Obviously it's not gonna go back like it was.

Rabbi Nachtner Mm. Would you even want that, Larry?

Larry Gopnik No, I- well, yeah... sometimes... or... I don't know; I guess the honest answer is "I don't know". What was my life before? Not what I thought it was. What does it all mean? What is Hashem trying to tell me, making me pay for Sy Ableman's funeral?

Rabbi Nachtner Mm.

Larry Gopnik And did I tell you I had a car accident the same time Sy had his? The same instant, for all I know. I mean, is Hashem telling me that Sy Ableman is me? Or that we are all one, or something?

Rabbi Nachtner How does God speak to us? A good question.

Rabbi Nachtner You know Lee Sussman.

Larry Gopnik Doctor Sussman? I think I - yeah.

Rabbi Nachtner Did he ever tell you about the goy's teeth?

Larry Gopnik No. Uh... what goy?

Rabbi Nachtner So... Lee is at work one day; you know he has the orthodontic practice there at Great Bear. He's making a plaster mold - it's for corrective bridge work - in the mouth of one of his patients, Russell Kraus. The mold dries and Lee is examining it one day before fabricating an appliance. He notices something unusual. There appears to be something engraved on the inside of the patient's lower incisors. He vav shin yud ayin nun yud. "Hwshy ny". "Help me, save me". This in a goy's mouth, Larry. He calls the goy back on the pretense of needing additional measurements for the appliance. "How are you? Noticed any other problems with your teeth?" No. There it is. "Hwshy ny". "Help me". Son of a gun. Sussman goes home. Can Sussman eat? Sussman can't eat. Can Sussman sleep? Sussman can't sleep. Sussman looks at the molds of his other patients, goy and Jew alike, seeking other messages. He finds none. He looks in his own mouth. Nothing. He looks in his wife's mouth. Nothing. But Sussman is an educated man. Not the world's greatest sage, maybe, no Rabbi Marshak, but he knows a thing or two from the Zohar and the Caballah. He knows that every Hebrew letter has its numeric equivalent. 8-4-5-4-4-7-3. Seven digits... a phone number, maybe? "Hello? Do you know a goy named Kraus, Russell Kraus?" Who? "Where have I called? The Red Owl in Bloomington. Thanks so much." He goes. It's a Red Owl. Groceries; what have you. Sussman goes home. What does it mean? He has to find out if he is ever to sleep again. He goes to see... the Rabbi Nachtner. He comes in, he sits right where you're sitting right now. "What does it mean, Rabbi? Is it a sign from Hashem, Help me'? I, Sussman, should be doing something to help this goy? Doing what? The teeth don't say. Or maybe I'm supposed to help people generally, lead a more righteous life? Is the answer in Caballah? In Torah? Or is there even a question? Tell me, Rabbi, what can such a sign mean?

Larry Gopnik So what did you tell him?

Rabbi Nachtner Sussman?

Larry Gopnik Yes!

Rabbi Nachtner Is it... relevant?

Larry Gopnik Well, isn't that why you're telling me?

Rabbi Nachtner Okay. Nachtner says, look. The teeth, we don't know. A sign from Hashem? Don't know. Helping others... couldn't hurt.

Larry Gopnik No! No, but... who put it there? Was it for him, Sussman, or for whoever found it, or for just, for, for...

Rabbi Nachtner We can't know everything.

Larry Gopnik It sounds like you don't know anything! Why even tell me the story?

Rabbi Nachtner First I should tell you, then I shouldn't.

Larry Gopnik What happened to Sussman?

Rabbi Nachtner What would happen? Not much. He went back to work. For a while he checked every patient's teeth for new messages. He didn't find any. In time, he found he'd stopped checking. He returned to life. These questions that are bothering you, Larry - maybe they're like a toothache. We feel them for a while, then they go away.

Larry Gopnik I don't want it to just go away! I want an answer!

Rabbi Nachtner Sure! We all want the answer! But ] doesn't owe us the answer, Larry. Hashem doesn't owe us anything. The obligation runs the other way.

Larry Gopnik Why does he make us feel the questions if he's not gonna give us any answers?

Rabbi Nachtner He hasn't told me.

Larry Gopnik And... what happened to the goy?

Rabbi Nachtner The goy? Who cares?