Harold GouldQuotes

Grandfather Disguisey: Who are you now?

Pistachio: The question is not who I am, the question is who are you? I know who I am. I'm Prince Lali Jhamba from the Ringy Dingy Heights, near Bombay, Calcutta and New Delhi, India. India. India.

Grandfather: [claps; opens basket] It is time to test that.

Pistachio: [a snake emerges from basket; plays smooth jazz music] What is it? That is a big reptile. Not a problem. Oh, yes. He wouldn't hurt anybody now. I'm going to call him Buttercup! So cute, eh?

Grandpa: [laughs while Pistachio tickles the snake] Energico! God help me, I love it! A complete transformation!

Pistachio: [dangling cheese above the snake] You like the cheese. Go get the cheese, Buttercup. You know you love it.

Arthur Mendelson: [his attorney is expressing concern over him using his land for Patch's free medical clinic] You learn anything about proctology yet?

Patch Adams: A little.

Arthur Mendelson: Good. Take care of this asshole for me, will you?

Arthur Mendelson: See what no one else sees. See what everyone chooses not to see... out of fear, conformity or laziness. See the whole world anew each day!

Arthur Mendelson: You're focusing on the problem. If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem!

Harry: Grandpa, could you pass the milk?

Harry: [Shakes table] Grandpa, PASS the MILK. GRANDPA!!! PASS THE MILK!!!

Grandpa: EARTHQUAKE!!!

Harry: I don't think he knows I even exist, so stupid thinkin about him, but I can't help it. Jake! Ooooh! Jake!

Anna: [Anna chases the boys from her room; Realizes her door is missing] GET OUTTA MY ROOOOM!!! OUT! Oh! My... My... Ah! I HATE YOU AND YOU'RE NEVER LOSING DOOR *AGAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!!* Aaah!

Ryan: [Anna shrieks again offscreen] She saw it.

Grandpa: I'm gonna check out those Lakers.

Ryan: I'm with you.

Anna: [sees Tess sitting at the table with her arms crossed] Mom! Mom, did you see what happened to my doo--?

Tess: I spoke to your principal.

Anna: What?!

Tess: Just now, on the phone.

Anna: Where's my door?

Tess: Privacy is a privilege, Anna.

Anna: Where's my door, Mom?

Tess: Your door will be returned to you, Anna, if or when you can explain--

Anna: I need my door. You give me the door, or I will kill myself!

Harry: [to Tess] Oh! Can I watch?

Tess: Harry!

Anna: [Boys run away] SHUT UP!!!

Tess: I think we can dispense with the drama. And maybe you can just calmly explain to me why you were in detention twice today.

Anna: Okay, I went to detention. But that was only because Stacey Hinkhouse kept hitting me on the head with a volleyball!

Tess: Now, when is this conflict with Stacey Hinkhouse going to end?

Anna: Never, because she's an insane, psycho freak! And you'd know that if you'd paid like a speck of attention while door is gone and it’s all your fault!

Tess: Anna?!

Anna: What?!

Tess: I think you know I pay attention, Anna. Enough to know that you got an F in English today.

Anna: Well, Mr. Bates is out to get me.

Tess: Oh, him too?

Anna: Yeah. You know, he just looks for ways to torture me. Like the one time Jake even spoke to me, he totally...

Tess: Who's Jake?

Anna: He's just... nobody.

Tess: You say I'm not interested, Anna. I'm interested. Try me.

Anna: Okay, he's just this really amazing guy, Mom.

Tess: Where'd you meet him?

Anna: Detention, but...

Tess: [Laughing] That's promising.

Anna: See? Do you see? Why do I even bother telling you anything?

Ryan: Okay, who's up for Chinese?

Anna: [Screaming; [The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland|YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!! I'M MOVING OUT TOMORROW WHILE SLEEP IS GONE AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT AND I'M NEVER COMING BACK EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER AGAIN! NEVER *AGAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIN!!*] ]

Pei-Pei: Hello, how are you?

Tess: Hello, Pei-Pei.

Pei-Pei: Anna, Harry, you're so big now. What happened? Are you happy for your mommy?

Anna: About what?

Pei-Pei: [laughs] Oh. She's such a joker. Who's catering? Chinese food good luck.

Tess: It's all planned already.

Pei-Pei: Okay, how about me?

Ryan: Anna, I preordered the Peking Duck.

Anna: Joy.

Ryan: Well, I know that's your favorite.

Anna: Whatever.

Tess: The wedding is in two days.

Pei-Pei: Think about it. See you soon. Happy dining.

Ryan: Anna, your door is underneath the back stairs.

Anna: Like I didn't figure that out.

Grandpa: Stop groveling, man. Let her come to you.

Ryan: She'd come with a hatchet. I think I'll go check on that duck.

Tess: Anna, do you really think that your surliness is the best way for you to get what you want?

Anna: I'm sorry, Mom. I really have been stressing in school, and I deserved every single one of those trips to detention. And I'm gonna apologize to Stacey Hinkhouse and Mr. Bates. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'll try and do better, Mom. I'll really, really try.

Tess: All right, what do you want?

Anna: To go to this really important audition tomorrow that we can never have again at the House of Blues.

Tess: An audition, that's great. Tomorrow? You mean after the rehearsal dinner?

Anna: Well, during.

Tess: During". You mean as "instead of"?

Anna: Technically?

Tess: Anna, I need to talk to you right now.

Anna: I think I'm gonna pass on that.

Tess: Now! Anna, I am going to make one final attempt to understand what goes on in your head.

Anna: Don't treat me like your patients.

Tess: What?

Anna: All calm and reasonable. Let's talk about it. I really want to understand.

Tess: I really do want to understand, Anna!

Hostess: Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Pei-Pei: Oh, Mama, stay out of it, please. Mama.

Anna: Okay, fine. They're gonna pick one local band to play at Wango Tango. We were lucky to make this cut. Seriously, it's a once-in-a-lifetime chance, Mom. Please. Why can't I just go? Please.

Tess: And what I hear is that my special night means absolutely nothing to you.

Anna: I don't even have to ask if my band means anything to you. It's totally clear to us that you guys think we're all noise.

Harry: Look, I'm a walrus!

Tess: I do not!

Anna: Do too!

Tess: Anna, I let you practice in the garage. Anna, stop.

Anna: What?

Tess: Let's talk about what this is really about, okay? This is about your dad, isn't it?

Anna: Mom, stop shrinking me. It's not about Dad. It's about the audition! You're ruining my life!

Tess: Enough with the drama. Anna, high school is not that hard.

Anna: You couldn't last one day in my high school.

Tess: I could, and I would do it without getting a detention.

Anna: I'm sorry that I'm the one thing in your life that isn't perfect!

Tess: Perfect? You think my life is perfect?

Anna: Oh, I know your life is perfect. Your perfect job, perfect boyfriend, perfect patients who worship the ground you walk on.

Tess: You need a serious and bracing reality check if you think my life is perfect!

Anna: You can cut me some slack just this once, Mom.

Tess: I am beyond cutting you slack, Anna. But you are not going to the audition.

Anna: Yes, I am!

Tess: No, you're not!

Anna: Why not?

Tess: Because I said so!

Kid Twist: Now how do you want to work this? Flat rate or percentage?

Benny Garfield: Who's the mark?

Kid: Doyle Lonnegan.

Benny: [short pause] Flat rate.