Memorable Quotes from Jack Benny
7 quotesA Darkly Humorous Exchange Between Characters
Joseph Tura
I can't tell you how delighted we are to have you here.
[disguised as Colonel Ehrhardt]
Siletsky
May I say, my dear Colonel, that it's good to breathe the air of the Gestapo again. You know, you're quite famous in London, Colonel. They call you Concentration Camp Ehrhardt.
Joseph Tura
Ha ha. Yes, yes... we do the concentrating and the Poles do the camping.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Dilemma of Choices and Consequences
Joseph Tura
Well, Colonel, all I can say is... you can't have your cake and shoot it, too.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles of Attention in a Relationship
Maria Tura
It's becoming ridiculous the way you grab attention. Whenever I start to tell a story, you finish it. If I go on a diet, you lose the weight. If I have a cold, you cough. And if we should ever have a baby, I'm not so sure I'd be the mother.
Joseph Tura
I'm satisfied to be the father.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Artistic Interpretation of National Tragedy
Joseph Tura
Her husband is that great, great Polish actor, Joseph Tura. You've probably heard of him.
[disguised as Siletsky, speaking in reference to his wife, Maria]
Colonel Ehrhardt
Oh, yes. As a matter of fact I saw him on the stage when I was in Warsaw once before the war.
Joseph Tura
Really?
Colonel Ehrhardt
What he did to Shakespeare we are doing now to Poland.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in a Troubled Relationship
Joseph Tura
It's unbelievable! Unbelievable! I come home to find a man in the same boat with me and my wife says to me, "What does it matter?
Sobinski
But, Mr. Tura, it's the zero hour'.
Maria Tura
You certainly don't want me to waste a lot of time giving you a long explanation.
Joseph Tura
No, but I think a husband is entitled to an inkling.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Plan for Confrontation and Deception
Dobosh
Now you take him back to the hotel.
[motioning to Siletsky]
Joseph Tura
Alright.
Dobosh
As soon as you're in his room, you hit him over the head with the butt of the gun.
Joseph Tura
Alright.
Dobosh
Then you take his keys, open his trunk and burn the papers. And then you shoot him.
Joseph Tura
Alright. Just a minute... what'll happen to me? They'll kill me.
[He turns to leave, then turns back]
Dobosh
Well... we're going to keep our fingers crossed.
Joseph Tura
Good. Hey, wait a minute... you go to the hotel and I'll cross my fingers.
[Once again turns to leave, then turns back]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Forgiveness and Consequences in Uncertain Times
Joseph Tura
If I shouldn't come back, I forgive you what happened between you and Sobinski. But if I come back, it's a different matter.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.