Jim Breuer Quotes

Brian Lady, you want seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record? I'll give you five.

Woman Uh-uh. He autographed it himself...

Brian Okay, I'll give you four.

Brian I'll pretend I'm Jamaican man! Yeah!

Thurgood You have smoked yourself retarded!

Nasty Nate So the next time I come for you, I'm gonna want some cocktail...FRUIT!

Sir-Smoke-Alot I want to talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! Cause it's hard being black and gifted. Sometimes I just wanna throw it all down and get lifted!

Sir-Smoke-Alot I'm impotent, man! Get away from me, bitch!

Kenny Ya hear that? I'm somebody's bitch!

Brian Get some...sour cream and onion chips, with some dip, man. Some beef jerkey, some peanut butter. Get some Hagen-Dagz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and we'll make some s'mores man. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, we need two big pizzas, man, everything on em, water, a whole lotta water and.......Funyuns.

Brian Don't worry. Don't worry. l'm not gonna do what everyone thinks l'm gonna do: Flip out, man! All l wanna know is: who's comin with me? Who's comin', man? Who's comin with me?

Enhancement Smoker You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some weird shit in there, man. There's a dude sittin in the bushes, man, does he have a gun? I dunno, man, I dunno! Wha, wha? RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO. It's just some weird shit, man!

Sir-Smoke-Alot Doctor says I need a back-iotomy!

Betsy Jobs Are you, like, the President's Dog Walker?

John Dean I'm John Dean. Chief White House Counsel.

Betsy Jobs Oh, That's too bad.

Brian I just wanna say that that was a great idea, Thurgood. I mean how do you come up with...

Scarface Just smoke it, yo.

Brian You smoke?

Mary Jane No my grandmother died from lung cancer.

Brian That's all the more reason to toke up man! It'll ease the pain!