Margaret Dumont Quotes

The Big Store

Negotiating a High Fee for Services

Martha Phelps Tell me, what would you want to handle this case for me?

Wolf J. Flywheel Twenty thousand dollars.

Martha Phelps Don't you think that's too much?

Wolf J. Flywheel Of course it is, only a cheap chisler would ask that much.

Martha Phelps I was prepared to pay five hundred dollars.

Wolf J. Flywheel Oddly enough, I'm prepared to take it. Shall we bind the deal with a kiss? Or, five dollars in cash? You lose either way.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Animal Crackers

Courage and Science in Animal Crackers

Guests He put all his relianceIn courage and defianceAnd risked his life for science.

Spaulding Hey, hey!

Mrs. Rittenhouse He is the only white man who covered every acre...

Spaulding I think I'll try and make her...

Guests Hooray, hooray, hooray!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Cocoanuts

Questioning Certainty in a Conversation

Hammer Are you sure your husband is dead?

Mrs. Potter Why....yes.

Hammer There seems to be a slight trace of uncertainty in that "yes". A "yes" like that was once responsible for me jumping out of a window. And I'm not the jumper I used to be.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Big Store

The Bonds That Connect Us

Wolf J. Flywheel Martha, dear, there are many bonds that will hold us together through eternity.

Martha Phelps Really, Wolf? What are they?

Wolf J. Flywheel Your government bonds, your savings bonds, your liberty bonds.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Night at the Opera

Missed Opportunities at the Opera

Gottlieb If you pardon my saying so, Mrs. Claypool, Mr. Driftwood seems hardly the person to handle your business affairs?

Driftwood Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Well, I made it. How soon does the curtain go up?

Gottlieb The curtain, Mr. Driftwood, will go up again next season.

Mrs. Claypool You've missed the entire opera.

Driftwood Well, I only missed it by a few minutes. Then, I can go then, huh?

Gottlieb Mrs. Claypool, was I right? Isn't Lassparri the greatest tenor that ever lived?

Mrs. Claypool He's superb. What would you have to pay him?

Gottlieb What's the difference? He must sail with us tomorrow no matter how much we pay him. Why, he would be worth $1,000 a night.

Driftwood How much?

Gottlieb $1,000 a night.

Driftwood A thousand dollars a nacht? What does he do?

Gottlieb What's he do? He sings!

Driftwood And you're willing to pay him $1,000 a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of ] for 75 cents. For a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie.

[[w:Minnie the Moocher|Minnie the Moocher]

Gottlieb If you'll excuse me, Mrs. Claypool, I think I had better arrange to see Lassparri immediately. You are agreed-- $1,000 a night?

Mrs. Claypool Just as you like.

Driftwood Thousand dollars a night? There must be some way I can get a piece of this? Wait a minute! Why don't I sign Lassparri? I represent Mrs. Claypool.

[To himself; To Gottlieb]

Gottlieb But, I represent the New York Opera Company. My boy? Will you give my card to signor Lassparri, please?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Cocoanuts

Love and Wealth: A Conditional Relationship

Mrs. Potter I don't think you'd love me if I were poor.

Hammer I might, but I'd keep my mouth shut.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Night at the Opera

A Night at the Opera - Dialogue

Mrs. Claypool I've been sitting right here since 7 o'clock.

Driftwood Yes, with your back to me. When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Night at the Opera

Unrequited Promises and Confessions of Love

Mrs. Claypool Mr. Driftwood, three months ago you promised to put me into society. In all that time, you've done nothing but draw a very handsome salary.

Driftwood You think that's nothing, huh? How many men do you suppose are drawing a handsome salary nowadays? Why, you can count them on the fingers of one hand, my good woman.

Mrs. Claypool I'm not your good woman!

Driftwood Don't say that, Mrs. Claypool. I don't care what your past has been. To me, you'll always be my good woman. Because I love you. There. I didn't mean to tell you, but you...you dragged it out of me. I love you.

Mrs. Claypool It's rather difficult to believe that when I find you dining with another woman.

Driftwood That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you.

Mrs. Claypool Really?

Driftwood Of course, that's why I'm sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips! Everything about you reminds me of you. Except you. How do you account for that? If she figures that one out, she's good.

Mrs. Claypool Mr. Driftwood. I think we'd better keep everything on a business basis.

Driftwood How do you like that? Every time I get romantic with you, you want to talk business. I don't know, there's something about me that brings out the business in every woman.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Cocoanuts

Celebrating Engagement with Humor and Toasts

Hammer And now, friends, in view of the fact that Miss Potter's engagement is being celebrated here tonight, so to speak, I think a few words from her mother would be revolting! I now take great pleasure in presenting to you the well-preserved and partially pickled, Mrs. Potter.

Mrs. Potter My good, good friends. If I could only tell you how rosy-hued everything seems to me tonight. As I look into your faces, they're all lit with gay laughter. The whole world and everything in it is bathed in a soft, glowing luminous haze...

Hammer The old gal is stewed to the eyebrows.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Animal Crackers

Aces of Spades and Coincidences

Ravelli I've got Ace-a spades. He’s got Ace-a spades! Ha ha ha ha ha! That's what you called quinsidenses.

Mrs. Rittenhouse Two Aces of spades?

Ravelli Yeah, he's got thousands of them.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Animal Crackers

Timing and Payment in Music Performance

Mrs. Rittenhouse You are one of the musicians, but you were not due until tomorrow.

Ravelli Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.

Spaulding Say, you're lucky he didn't come yesterday.

Ravelli We were busy yesterday. But we charge just the same.

Spaulding This is better than exploring. What do you fellas get an hour?

Ravelli Oh, for playing, we get ten dollars an hour.

Spaulding I see. What do you get for not playing?

Ravelli Twelve dollars an hour.

Spaulding Well, clip me off a piece of that.

Ravelli Now for rehearsing, we make special rate: that's'a fifteen dollars an hour.

Spaulding That's for rehearsing?

Ravelli That's for rehearsing.

Spaulding And what do you get for not rehearsing?

Ravelli You couldn't afford it. You see, if we don't rehearse, we don't play. And if we don't play , that runs into money.

[snaps fingers]

Spaulding How much would you want to run into an open manhole?

Ravelli Just the cover charge.

[Laughs with Mrs. Rittenhouse.]

Spaulding Well, drop in some time.

Ravelli Sewer.

Spaulding Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.

Ravelli Well, let's see how we stand.

Spaulding Flat-footed.

Ravelli Yesterday, we didn't come. You remember, yesterday, we didn't come.

[to Mrs. Rittenhouse]

Spaulding Oh, I remember.

Ravelli Yeah, that's three hundred dollars.

Spaulding Yesterday, you didn't come, that's three hundred dollars.

Ravelli Yes, that's three hundred dollars.

Spaulding Well, that's reasonable, I can see that all right.

Ravelli Now today, we did come. That's, uh...

Spaulding That's a hundred you owe us.

Ravelli Hey, I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal. Tomorrow, we leave. That's worth about...

Spaulding A million dollars.

Ravelli Yeah, that's all right for me, but I gotta partner.

Spaulding A partner?!

Hives The Professor!

[announcing]

A Night at the Opera

Connecting Spaghetti to an Opera Director

Driftwood You see that man over there eating spaghetti?

Mrs. Claypool No.

Driftwood Well you see the spaghetti, don't you?? Now, behind that spaghetti is none other than Herman Gottlieb, director of the New York Opera Company. Do you follow me?

Mrs. Claypool Yes.

Driftwood Well stop following me or I'll have you arrested!

The Big Store

Fears of Love and Commitment

Martha Phelps Tell me, Wolfie dear, will we have a beautiful home?

Wolf J. Flywheel Of course. You're not planning on moving, are you?

Martha Phelps No, but I'm afraid after we're married awhile, a beautiful young girl will come along, and, uh, you'll forget all about me.

Wolf J. Flywheel Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.

The Big Store

Complicated Relationships in the Workplace

Mr. Grover If Ms. Phelps were not my fiancée, I would turn in my resignation and walk out of this store for good!

Martha Phelps Oh no, no...

Wolf J. Flywheel Fiancée?

Martha Phelps Yes.

Wolf J. Flywheel You mean a woman of your culture and money and beauty and money and wealth and money would, would marry that impostor?

Memorable Quotes from Margaret Dumont