The Cocoanuts - Celebrating Engagement with Humor and Toasts
Hammer:
And now, friends, in view of the fact that Miss Potter's engagement is being celebrated here tonight, so to speak, I think a few words from her mother would be revolting! I now take great pleasure in presenting to you the well-preserved and partially pickled, Mrs. Potter.
Mrs. Potter:
My good, good friends. If I could only tell you how rosy-hued everything seems to me tonight. As I look into your faces, they're all lit with gay laughter. The whole world and everything in it is bathed in a soft, glowing luminous haze...
Hammer:
The old gal is stewed to the eyebrows.
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The Cocoanuts - Questioning Certainty in a Conversation
Hammer:
Are you sure your husband is dead?
Mrs. Potter:
Why....yes.
Hammer:
There seems to be a slight trace of uncertainty in that "yes". A "yes" like that was once responsible for me jumping out of a window. And I'm not the jumper I used to be.
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The Cocoanuts - Love and Wealth: A Conditional Relationship
Mrs. Potter:
I don't think you'd love me if I were poor.
Hammer:
I might, but I'd keep my mouth shut.
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The Big Store - The Bonds That Connect Us
Wolf J. Flywheel:
Martha, dear, there are many bonds that will hold us together through eternity.
Martha Phelps:
Really, Wolf? What are they?
Wolf J. Flywheel:
Your government bonds, your savings bonds, your liberty bonds.
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The Big Store - Complicated Relationships in the Workplace
Mr. Grover:
If Ms. Phelps were not my fiancée, I would turn in my resignation and walk out of this store for good!
Martha Phelps:
Oh no, no...
Wolf J. Flywheel:
Fiancée?
Martha Phelps:
Yes.
Wolf J. Flywheel:
You mean a woman of your culture and money and beauty and money and wealth and money would, would marry that impostor?
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The Big Store - Fears of Love and Commitment
Martha Phelps:
Tell me, Wolfie dear, will we have a beautiful home?
Wolf J. Flywheel:
Of course. You're not planning on moving, are you?
Martha Phelps:
No, but I'm afraid after we're married awhile, a beautiful young girl will come along, and, uh, you'll forget all about me.
Wolf J. Flywheel:
Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
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The Big Store - Negotiating a High Fee for Services
Martha Phelps:
Tell me, what would you want to handle this case for me?
Wolf J. Flywheel:
Twenty thousand dollars.
Martha Phelps:
Don't you think that's too much?
Wolf J. Flywheel:
Of course it is, only a cheap chisler would ask that much.
Martha Phelps:
I was prepared to pay five hundred dollars.
Wolf J. Flywheel:
Oddly enough, I'm prepared to take it. Shall we bind the deal with a kiss? Or, five dollars in cash? You lose either way.
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A Night at the Opera - Missed Opportunities at the Opera
Gottlieb:
If you pardon my saying so, Mrs. Claypool, Mr. Driftwood seems hardly the person to handle your business affairs?
Driftwood:
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Well, I made it. How soon does the curtain go up?
Gottlieb:
The curtain, Mr. Driftwood, will go up again next season.
Mrs. Claypool:
You've missed the entire opera.
Driftwood:
Well, I only missed it by a few minutes. Then, I can go then, huh?
Gottlieb:
Mrs. Claypool, was I right? Isn't Lassparri the greatest tenor that ever lived?
Mrs. Claypool:
He's superb. What would you have to pay him?
Gottlieb:
What's the difference? He must sail with us tomorrow no matter how much we pay him. Why, he would be worth $1,000 a night.
Driftwood:
How much?
Gottlieb:
$1,000 a night.
Driftwood:
A thousand dollars a nacht? What does he do?
Gottlieb:
What's he do? He sings!
Driftwood: [[w:Minnie the Moocher|Minnie the Moocher]
And you're willing to pay him $1,000 a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of ] for 75 cents. For a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie.
Gottlieb:
If you'll excuse me, Mrs. Claypool, I think I had better arrange to see Lassparri immediately. You are agreed-- $1,000 a night?
Mrs. Claypool:
Just as you like.
Driftwood: [To himself; To Gottlieb]
Thousand dollars a night? There must be some way I can get a piece of this? Wait a minute! Why don't I sign Lassparri? I represent Mrs. Claypool.
Gottlieb:
But, I represent the New York Opera Company. My boy? Will you give my card to signor Lassparri, please?
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A Night at the Opera - Connecting Spaghetti to an Opera Director
Driftwood:
You see that man over there eating spaghetti?
Mrs. Claypool:
No.
Driftwood:
Well you see the spaghetti, don't you?? Now, behind that spaghetti is none other than Herman Gottlieb, director of the New York Opera Company. Do you follow me?
Mrs. Claypool:
Yes.
Driftwood:
Well stop following me or I'll have you arrested!
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A Night at the Opera - Unrequited Promises and Confessions of Love
Mrs. Claypool:
Mr. Driftwood, three months ago you promised to put me into society. In all that time, you've done nothing but draw a very handsome salary.
Driftwood:
You think that's nothing, huh? How many men do you suppose are drawing a handsome salary nowadays? Why, you can count them on the fingers of one hand, my good woman.
Mrs. Claypool:
I'm not your good woman!
Driftwood:
Don't say that, Mrs. Claypool. I don't care what your past has been. To me, you'll always be my good woman. Because I love you. There. I didn't mean to tell you, but you...you dragged it out of me. I love you.
Mrs. Claypool:
It's rather difficult to believe that when I find you dining with another woman.
Driftwood:
That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you.
Mrs. Claypool:
Really?
Driftwood:
Of course, that's why I'm sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips! Everything about you reminds me of you. Except you. How do you account for that? If she figures that one out, she's good.
Mrs. Claypool:
Mr. Driftwood. I think we'd better keep everything on a business basis.
Driftwood:
How do you like that? Every time I get romantic with you, you want to talk business. I don't know, there's something about me that brings out the business in every woman.
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A Night at the Opera - A Night at the Opera - Dialogue
Mrs. Claypool:
I've been sitting right here since 7 o'clock.
Driftwood:
Yes, with your back to me. When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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Animal Crackers - Aces of Spades and Coincidences
Ravelli:
I've got Ace-a spades. He’s got Ace-a spades! Ha ha ha ha ha! That's what you called quinsidenses.
Mrs. Rittenhouse:
Two Aces of spades?
Ravelli:
Yeah, he's got thousands of them.
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Animal Crackers - Timing and Payment in Music Performance
Mrs. Rittenhouse:
You are one of the musicians, but you were not due until tomorrow.
Ravelli:
Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.
Spaulding:
Say, you're lucky he didn't come yesterday.
Ravelli:
We were busy yesterday. But we charge just the same.
Spaulding:
This is better than exploring. What do you fellas get an hour?
Ravelli:
Oh, for playing, we get ten dollars an hour.
Spaulding:
I see. What do you get for not playing?
Ravelli:
Twelve dollars an hour.
Spaulding:
Well, clip me off a piece of that.
Ravelli:
Now for rehearsing, we make special rate: that's'a fifteen dollars an hour.
Spaulding:
That's for rehearsing?
Ravelli:
That's for rehearsing.
Spaulding:
And what do you get for not rehearsing?
Ravelli: [snaps fingers]
You couldn't afford it. You see, if we don't rehearse, we don't play. And if we don't play , that runs into money.
Spaulding:
How much would you want to run into an open manhole?
Ravelli: [Laughs with Mrs. Rittenhouse.]
Just the cover charge.
Spaulding:
Well, drop in some time.
Ravelli:
Sewer.
Spaulding:
Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.
Ravelli:
Well, let's see how we stand.
Spaulding:
Flat-footed.
Ravelli: [to Mrs. Rittenhouse]
Yesterday, we didn't come. You remember, yesterday, we didn't come.
Spaulding:
Oh, I remember.
Ravelli:
Yeah, that's three hundred dollars.
Spaulding:
Yesterday, you didn't come, that's three hundred dollars.
Ravelli:
Yes, that's three hundred dollars.
Spaulding:
Well, that's reasonable, I can see that all right.
Ravelli:
Now today, we did come. That's, uh...
Spaulding:
That's a hundred you owe us.
Ravelli:
Hey, I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal. Tomorrow, we leave. That's worth about...
Spaulding:
A million dollars.
Ravelli:
Yeah, that's all right for me, but I gotta partner.
Spaulding:
A partner?!
Hives: [announcing]
The Professor!
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Animal Crackers - Courage and Science in Animal Crackers
Guests:
He put all his relianceIn courage and defianceAnd risked his life for science.
Spaulding:
Hey, hey!
Mrs. Rittenhouse:
He is the only white man who covered every acre...
Spaulding:
I think I'll try and make her...
Guests:
Hooray, hooray, hooray!
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