Robin Soans Quotes

Arthur Bigge What the hell were you thinking?!

Abdul Karim You said, "Present the jelly," sir.

Arthur Bigge I didn't say kiss the feet of the Empress of India!

Abdul Karim I thought it would cheer her up.

Arthur Bigge Cheer her up?! They'll have me court-martialed!

Henry Ponsonby What on Earth is going on?! Her Majesty has requested Mr. Karim and Mr. Baksh be her personal footmen for the rest of the Jubilee.

Arthur Bigge The Hindus, sir!

Alick Yorke But they're completely different sizes.

Arthur Bigge There was an incident, sir, with an elephant.

Alick Yorke Hmm. The Queen arrives, fanfares, ceremonial entrance. The Royal Entourage make their way to the table to be seated thus: Her Majesty, Sir Henry Ponsonby, Private Secretary, the Secretary of State for India, the Emperor of Russia, Dr. Reid, Lady Churchill, Miss Phipps, et cetera, et cetera. Grace. Soup, potage Saint-Germain with pureé de madeleine. Fish course, morue aux hutres, fanfare. Entre, quenelle with regency sauce, et cetera, et cetera. Dessert, pain d'pinards, tartelettes la suisse, profiteroles. Always profiteroles. You will come from the northwest service entrance, Process together, and you will stand here. No! A little bit. That's it. Presenting the tray thus.

Abdul Karim Tray? I thought it was a cushion.

Alick Yorke You will present the tray...

Mohammed Bakhsh Excuse me. Do I get a tray?

Alick Yorke No. We've only got one tray.

Mohammed Bakhsh So, what do I do?

Alick Yorke You'll just have to improvise. Whatever you do, you must not look at Her Majesty. You will bow again. Then moving backwards, you will turn to your left, you will lead thus, and you will process down the hall to be met by Mr. Bigge, who will walk you to the north wall, where you will stand till the end of the meal. Would you like me to run through that again?

Messenger Boy Mr. Yorke, she's heading to Paddington!

Alick Yorke Everybody, out! You two, stairs, now!