Memorable Quotes from Vinnie Jones
20 quotesA Call to Action Among Friends
Mad Maynard
Hey lads, that wanker's ], let's give ] ] Come on lads, it's goin off!
[''Spots a rival football fan in [[w:Paris|Paris; [w:Paris FC|got a frog football shirt on; [w:Effeminacy|this Nancy; [w:Swarming (military)|a fucking good kickin'!; ''Hooligans all chase the French football fan'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in a Digital Love Letter
Scott
Hey, Mieke. "Dear Scott, I was very sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. Since you no longer have a girlfriend, maybe I could come to America "and we could get to know each other better. Perhaps we could... "zussamen." What the fuck is "zussamen"? "Arrange a meeting." No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right! This guy wants to have sex with me. Listen, Mieke... I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, ]. So please keep your hands off my genitals, and never write to me again, and don't come to America. Goodbye." Oww. I'm never drinking again.
[''Turns attention to computer''; ''Reads e-mail aloud''; ''Looks up dictionary''; ''Starts typing''; [w:Armin Meiwes|you sick, German freak; ''Falls off chair''; ''He wakes up in bed and sees Bert at his computer'']
Bert
Oh, that's nice.
Scott
Bert, what are you doing?
Bert
Reading your email.
Scott
Don't do that. Why are you wearing my bathrobe?
Bert
Oh, I'm sorry... but somebody pissed all over mine last night. Wow. I can't believe this German chick wants to come here and hook up with you.
Scott
I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy.
Bert
No, it says right here, "trauriges madchen." "I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona." Fuckin A, Scott. I'm taking ], and even I know that.
[[w:German language|"Intro to German"]
Scott
Come here. He sent me a picture, retardo. See? That's a picture of Mieke and his cute cousin, Jan.
Bert
No, retardo. That's Jan, a man's name, and that's not "Mike," it's "Mieke," a common German girl's name, similar to our Michelle. I hope you wrote her back and told her to come visit! You didn't?! You thought she was a guy! I'm getting the video camera! Ha! What an asshole!
[''Points to photo''; ''Scott's eyes widen in revelation'']
Scott
No! No! No! "Address blocked"?! "Email not delivered!" No... come on!
[''At computer'']
Cooper
Hey, Mom made ]! What's going on?
[''Bounding into room''; [w:waffle|waffles]
Scott
I'm in love with my penpal! I'm in love with Mieke!
Cooper
Okay, okay, you know what? I was actually expecting this, and frankly, no, listen, I'm flattered that you picked me to come out to first. And don't worry about telling your folks, cause I think they already know.
[''Starts rubbing Scott's back'']
Scott
No, you idiot. Mieke's a girl.
Cooper
No, no, no, I get it, yeah. He's the girl, then you're the girl. Sometimes you're both the girl. Right? Right? That's hot. But whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it.
[''Pause'']
Scott
Will you stop? Look, come here. Look at this picture.
Cooper
Wow. Who's the hot chick?
Scott
That's "Mike." I mean, Mieke.
Cooper
That's who you've been writing to all this time?
Scott
Until last night, when I took your advice and told her to keep her "hands off my genitals.
Cooper
Given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want.
Scott
This is a total disaster.
Cooper
Oh, come on. It's not that bad. Though she is really hot.
Scott
You're not listening. I don't even care what she looks like. Mieke and I had this incredible bond. I told her things I couldn't even tell you.
Cooper
Like what?
Scott
Nothing. It's a figure of speech.
Cooper
No, seriously. What?
Scott
Nothing. The point...
Cooper
You like me better, right?
Scott
This girl is not only smart and funny, and stunningly beautiful, but until I screwed up, she wanted to come all the way to America, just to be with me.
Cooper
So do something about it.
Scott
What can I do? She blocked her email account, her phone number's not listed. The only thing I know is she lives in ].
[[w:Berlin|Berlin]
Cooper
So go to Berlin.
Scott
I can't just go to Berlin, Coop.
Cooper
Why not?
Scott
Because... I just can't, Okay? I'm supposed to work for my dad this summer. It looks good on my med school application.
Cooper
Oh, Jesus, Scotty! Man, Fiona was right. You're so predictable.
Scott
I'm going to ].
[''Face lights up in revelation''; [w:Germany|Germany]
Cooper
No... WE'RE going to Germany!
Scott
How are we going to get to Germany?!
Cooper
Don't worry. I've got it covered.
Scott
We're going to be couriers?
Cooper
Best way to get a cheap flight. We just have to carry their packages, then drop them off when we get there. My cousin did it going to ].
[[w:India|India]
Scott
Yeah?
Cooper
Of course, he ended up using a public restroom in ] and they had to ]. You know... but he got there cheap, is what I'm saying.
[[w:New Delhi|New Delhi; [w:amputation|cut off his leg]
Airline desk attendant
Okay, I don't have anything to Germany for a week. But I can get you both to ] today for $118. Anything else?
[[w:London|London]
Cooper
Europe is the size of ]. We can walk to Berlin from there.
[[w:Eastwood Mall|the Eastwood Mall]
Scott
Cooper, ] ].
[[w:England|England's; [w:British Isles|an island]
Cooper
Okay, swim. Whatever. We'll take it.
Scott
Hey. Thanks for coming with me. I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer.
Cooper
Well, forget about the law firm. And don't thank me. I should be thanking you. This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to broaden my sexual horizons.
Scott
What are you talking about?
Cooper
I'm talking about crazy European sex.
Scott
Ah.
Cooper
]. Prudes who left Europe, because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. And now I, Cooper Harris, will return to the land of my perverted forefathers and claim my birthright, which is a series of erotic and sexually challenging adventures.
[[w:Puritans|You know America was founded by prudes]
Scott
You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you?
Cooper
It's my passion.
Scott
Come on, come on! The adventure begins. Welcome to jolly old England.
Cooper
Yeah, breathe that sweet, sexy, European air. Oh.
[''Takes out cellphone'']
Scott
What is that?
Cooper
It's the phone they gave me at the law firm. Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh? Works anywhere. Yeah? Excuse me. Cooper here. Hello, Mr. Walters. Yes, sir, I'm down in file storage. Um, hang on one second. No, sir, I can't find the Gutterman file anywhere. Yes, sir, I'll keep looking. I don't rest until I find it.
[''He picks at teeth and eats it'']
Scott
Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country?
Cooper
They would've stopped paying me. It seemed easier. So, where to?
Scott
I don't know. First bus to Berlin doesn't leave till tomorrow. What do you wanna do?
Cooper
Got ] there's ].
[[w:Tower of London|the Tower of London...; [w:Buckingham Palace|Buckingham Palace]
Scott
Uh... There's no drinking age.
Cooper
There you go! Come on. Hey! "The Fiesty Goat.
[''They walk off'']
Scott
All right! What do you wanna... Soccer Hooligans!
[''Turns around to study bar patrons who all go silent, turn around and stare with one hooligan stubbing out a cigarette on his arm'']
Cooper
Hey... This isn't where I parked my car.
[''They turn to walk out and are thwarted by Maynard'']
Mad Maynard
Oye, Who the bloody hell are you? This is private members bar exclusively for the supporters of the greatest football team in the world... ]. Now please enlighten me... who the fuck are you?!
[[w:Manchester United F.C.|Manchester United]
Cooper
That is a good question and... Scotty?
Scott
We're the Manchester United Fan Club... from Ohio.
Mad Maynard
If you are the Manchester United Supporters, then sing the Manchester United song!
Scott
Excuse me, I'm sorry I'm not much of a singer.
Mad Maynard
OI... SING!
[''He grabs a bottle and smashes it on the floor'']
Scott
] The Manchester United Football team! the best freakin team in all the land woohoo!
[[w:9 to 5 (Sheena Easton song)|My baby takes the morning train, he works from 9 to 5 and then, he takes another home again, to find me watching...; ''pausees'']
Mad Maynard
Pretty good... pretty damn good lads, right!
[''All bar patrons faces light up in approval'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Football Offer Rejected by Monk
Danny Meehan
Hello Mr Monk. Can you play football?
Monk
Aye.
Danny
Good. Would you like to play with us?
Monk
Nah.
Danny
We're playing the guards.
Monk
Aye, then I'm with you.
[pause]
Chiv
Sound.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Language and Respect
Big Chris
I've got some bad news for you, John.
John
What the fuck?
Big Chris
Mind your language in front of the boy!
John
Jesus Christ!
Big Chris
That includes blasphemy as well!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Appreciation for Music in Snatch
Bullet Tooth Tony
Oh, I love this track.
[Madonna's "Lucky Star" comes on on the radio]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Opportunity in Challenging Circumstances
Danny Meehan
Oh right lads, you wanna be nothing, prisoners...numbers...that's fine. But you win out there today and you'll have something to remember forever, talk about it over and over, because up and down the country there are cons that are pig sick of not being here in your shoes...just to have one crack at those bastards next door! Run your guts out, and you'll have somethin in ere. They can never touch, no parole boards, judges or nutcase governors... NOW... ask yourselves one question...ARE YOU READY? ...YEAH, ARE WE? ...YEAH! THEN, COME ON!
[Talking to the squad before the game; points towards heart; team replies glumly; team replies whole heartedly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Trophy Cabinet Statement
Danny Meehan
Stick that in your trophy cabinet.
[gives the game ball to the governor]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mancs and Non-Mancs: A Divisive Statement
Mad Maynard
If you're not a Manc, you're a wank!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Predictability of Stupidity
Bullet Tooth Tony
Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation and Consequences Await
Bullet Tooth Tony
You're in trouble now, boy.
[To a would-be assassin who has just run out of bullets]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Threatening Confrontation in Swordfish
Marco
What?
[looks at Stanley while packing away a rocket launcher]
Marco
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: If that launcher was a suppository, would that bad man stick it up my ass? Well, you eyeball me once more boy,
Marco
and i'll stick it so far up your ass you'll be begging me for this bullet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Language in the Moment
Little Chris
Fucking hell, John, you always walk around with that in your pocket?
Big Chris
Hey! You use language like that again, son, you'll wish you hadn't!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Paths to Compromise and Conflict
Danny Meehan
I'll tell you something. I didn't start off out as a youngster looking to sell my country out.
Massive
None of us planned to be here, mate.
Chiv
Och, away to fuck man. You were a hero in Scotland!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Weight of Expectations in Football
Danny Meehan
]-] game] It's funny, but when you're in that football world, you just don't realise what it means to people. You only find out how disappointed they are, when you let them down. I was 16 when I signed pro forms. Thought I was the business. Didn't take long for standards to start slipping. Cars, booze, bad tips for slow horses... You think you can handle it, then bang, very soon it's handling you. Before I was picking up trophies, I was 425 grand down to men nasty enough... well, even they would have put the wind up Mr Sykes. But they did give me two choices - a wheelchair for life, or a deliberate penalty against the Germans. It's not as if I've prospered. Look where I've ended up.
[Explaining why he threw the [[w:England national football team|England; [w:German national football team|Germany]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Deception and Chaos in a Bar Encounter
Barfly Jack
Rory? Yeah, I know Rory. He's not to be underestimated. He's a funny-looking fucker, I know, but you've got to look past the hair and the cute, cuddly thing – it's all a deceptive facade. A few nights ago Rory's Roger iron's rusted, so he's gone down the battlecruiser to watch the end of the football game. No one's watching the custard, so he switches the channel over. A fat geezer's north opens, and he wanders up and turns the Liza over. "Now fuck off and watch it somewhere else!" Rory knows claret is imminent, but he doesn't want to miss the end of the game. So, calm as a coma, he picks up a fire extinguisher, walks straight past the jam rolls who are ready for action, and plonks it outside the entrance. He then orders an Aristotle of the most ping-pong tiddly in the nuclear sub and switches back to his footer. "That's fucking it," says the geezer. "That's fucking what?" says Rory. And he gobs out a mouthful of booze covering fatty. He flicks a flaming match into his bird's nest and the geezer's lit up like a leaking gas pipe. Rory, unfazed, turns back to his game. His team's won, too: four–nil.
Big Chris
It's been emotional.
Big Chris
All right, son. Roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on!
Dog
Golf – the best way to spoil a good walk. Winston Churchill said that. I say it's a dog-eat-dog world. And I got bigger teeth than you two.
Hatchet Harry
I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets.
J.D.
You're lucky you're still breathing, let alone able to walk. I suggest you take full advantage of that fact.
Winston
Charles, get the rifle out. We're being fucked!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Juggernaut Challenges Wolverine's Claw Abilities
Cain Marko / Juggernaut
I heard your claws can cut through anything. Wanna take a shot?
[to Wolverine, in a deleted scene]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Morning After a Wild Night
Scott
I'm never drinking again. Coop, wake up.
Cooper
Oh, man, that was a wild night.
Scott
You think?
Cooper
Scotty, where the hell are we going?
Scott
Don't worry. If anything bad happens, my parents will find us.
Scott's mother
Honey, where's Scotty?
Scott's father
Cooper said they were going camping.
Scott's mother
Oh, that's nice. And where's Bert?
Scott's father
Fuck if I know.
Mad Maynard
Hey! How are you, you scalawag! Look, ], ].
[[w:Geopolitics|given the current geopolitical climate; [w:European Parliament|all European countries should have a seat at the table]
Cooper
Right.
Mad Maynard
Except ]. I hate them Italian bastards. You know what I mean?
[[w:Italian people|those fucking Ities]
Scott
Excuse me.
Mad Maynard
Hello, boyo!
Scott
What the hell happened last night?
Mad Maynard
You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. Too much sauce, son! Don't worry. We come and got ya, so you wouldn't miss the trip.
Scott
What trip? Where are we going? What do you mean, where are we going?
Mad Maynard
We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. Aren't we, boys? Yeah!
[''All hooligans break out in cheers'']
Cooper
Why are you yelling at me?
[''To hooligan'']
Cecil
So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yardballs!
[''[[w:Manchester dialect|With heavy Mancunian accent]
Cooper
Wow. You guys are on a completely different level of swearing over here.
Scott
Coop? Cooper, we're going to Paris!
Cooper
I know. Cecil told me.
Scott
Mieke's in Berlin.
Cooper
We're not going to Berlin.
Scott
What are we gonna do? We need a plan.
Cooper
See what I'm talking about? This is predictable Scotty talking. Relax. Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin. It's a nothing commute.
Scott
].
[[w:French-German relations|That's why France and Germany have always been allies]
Hooligan
Aye, allies.
Scott
The twins. The twins are in Paris, right? We can call them. They could help. Let me see your phone.
Cooper
Okay, but I'm only supposed to use this for business calls. Hey, don't...
[''Scott snatches the phone'']
Mad Maynard
Hey, lads! That wanker's got a frog football shirt on! Let's give this nancy a fucking good kicking! Come on, lads, he's going off!
[''Spots a supporter of the rival team''; ''All the hooligans charge after the man'']
Scott
All right. Twins said they'd meet us here. Look at that! There they are. Come on. Jenny! Jamie! Hey! Come here!
[''Spots them'']
Jenny
No, no. No, no, no! Scott, bienvenue a Paris!
Scott
Thank you.
Cooper
Is that a new camera?
Jamie
It isn't just a camera, this is a Leica M. Uber-sensitive exposure settings, legendary cloth shutter system.
Cooper
Let me see that thing.
Jamie
No can do. ] to pay for it, so nobody touches my camera but me.
[[w:Lacrosse|I spent four years tutoring lacrosse players]
Cooper
It's like ].
[[w:Human penis|your wiener]
Jamie
No, it's not... Jenny...
Jenny
Cooper, leave him alone. Wow, I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl.
Cooper
Wait, not just any girl. Show her the picture, Scotty. She makes girls in our high school look like walruses.
Jenny
I'm a girl from your high school.
Cooper
No, I mean "girl" girls.
Scott
Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris! Let's go to ]!
[[w:Louvre|the Louvre]
In unison
To the Louvre!
Cooper
So, you guys wanna stay here, or should we check out the huge line at ]?
[[w:Eiffel Tower|the Eiffel Tower]
Jamie
Here's a fun fact. ] contracted ] two blocks from here. Should we go?
[[w:Voltaire|Voltaire; [w:syphilis|syphilis]
Cooper
Can we please get out of here? This guy's really creeping me out.
Scott
Who, robot man? He's just trying to feed his robot family.
Cooper
I really don't like him.
Scott
Why? Because he's doing this?
Cooper
Okay, seriously, don't do that. Cooper. Do not hate me.
Scott
I am familiar with over 600 dance moves and I am programmed to get... freaky. You're just upset because people like me better. It's okay. Oh!
[''Robotman pushes him'']
Jenny
Fight! Fight!
Cooper
Break the leg shot!
Scott
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Jamie
Don't look in his eyes, Scotty.
Scott's friends
Ohhh! That was not cool. Oh!
Scott
Guys, let's go. Come on.
Robotman
Error! Error! Error!
Scott
How cool is this? It's a shame we only get to spend one day together. Why don't you come to Berlin?
Jamie
Umm, no.
Scott
Jamie, come on. In a few months, we go to different colleges. This could be the last chance the four of us are together like this. Plus, we're in Europe. Huh? This should be the trip of a lifetime. There's no way we should split up. All right, this table is now Europe, Okay? Excuse me. We are right here, in Paris, and I have got to get to Mieke, who is over here, in Berlin. If you come with us, I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff to see along the way. We can go to ].
[[w:Denmark|Denmark]
Jenny
I love Denmark.
Cooper
We gotta hit ].
[[w:Amsterdam|Amsterdam]
Scott
Definitely.
Jamie
And ]!
[[w:Camaret|the cathedral at Cameret]
Scott
Yeah... Maybe. We'll see.
Cooper
Whatever.
Scott
If there's time. Come on! I really want you to be there when I meet Mieke.
Cooper
Fine.
Scott
Excellent! All right! A toast!
Cooper
Yes!
Scott
To Mieke! To Europe!
In unison
To Europe! Merci. Berlin, here we come! All right.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Greeting in Snatch
Bullet Tooth Tony
* Bonjourrr?
[In French version]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Bold Warning About Masculinity and Power
Bullet Tooth Tony
So, you're obviously the big dick. And there on either side of you are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big, brave balls, and there are little, mincy faggot balls. Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever; they smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good ol pussy, and have brought your two little, mincey, faggot balls along for a good ol time. But you've got your parties muddled up; there's no pussy here, just a dose that will make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written on the side of your guns…and the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle .50" written on the side of mine…should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now…fuck off!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Juggernaut's Assertion of Identity
Cain Marko / Juggernaut
Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.