Will SmithQuotes

Richard Williams: I'm trying to look out for my kids.

Rick Macci: No, you're looking out for yourself. You know, all I hear from you is pressure. Pressure, pressure pressure! But you know what I see? On TV, every day I see the Richard Williams show. A million dollars, number 1! The Greatest of All Time! You don't think that adds pressure?

Richard Williams: It adds confidence.

Rick Macci: Bullshit! It's about you. Now look, you wanna jerk my chain, go ahead and jerk it but do not do it to those girls.

Richard Williams: Rick, all respects, dude, we love you. You're like a member of our family. But you work for us. I wrote this plan.

Rick Macci: Plan.

Richard Williams: And when I say she's not playing, she is not playing. I call the shots. And I'm sorry if you don't like that.

Rick Macci: Richard, screw your frickin plan. You don't know what you're doing. You don't.

Richard Williams: Are we a team? We're family.

Oracene Brandy Williams: So we're a team? You don't think that that was a decision you should have discussed with me? Discussed with Venus? Richard, my faith dictates that I stand by your side but don't mistake my silence for agreement. You do that again and I won't be quiet.

Richard Williams: Now don't do that. Don't do that to me.

Oracene Brandy Williams: You don't make a fool out of me!

Richard Williams: Who made a fool out of you?

Oracene Brandy Williams: You made a fool out of me. Don't make a fool out of me.

Richard Williams: Ain't nobody made a fool out of you.

Richard Williams: Venus and Serena gon shake up this world.

Richard Williams: Now, I know what you thinking. This family is from the ghetto. How they gonna pay old me? Well, don't you worry about that. We're not here to rob ya. We here to make you rich.

Richard Williams: When I was a little boy, I grew up in Shreveport. One day, my father took me to town. He give me this money to pay this White man for something. Back in them days, Black folks weren't allowed to touch White peoples. So I went to give the man this money, and I accidently touched his hand. And he start beating on me. He knocked me down, his friends come over, they all start stomping on me and beating on me. And I look up and I see my father in the crowd, and he took off running. Left me there with these grown men beating on me. Now, I haven't been no great daddy... but I've never done nothing but try to protect you. This next step you about to take, it would... It would be hard for anybody. But for you, you not gonna just be representing you, you gonna be representing every little Black girl on Earth. And you gonna be the one gotta go through that gate. And I just never wanted you to look up... and see your daddy running away.

Richard Williams: Open stance!

Richard Williams: The most strongest, the most powerful, the most dangerous creature on this whole earth is a woman who knows how to think. Ain't nothing she can't do.

Robert Neville: [telling Anna about [[Bob Marley; [racism; [hate; [music; [love; [lives; [peace] He had this idea. It was kind of a virologist idea. He believed that you could cure ] and ]... literally cure it, by injecting ] and ] into people's ]. When he was scheduled to perform at a ] rally, a gunman came to his house and shot him down. Two days later he walked out on that stage and sang. When they asked him why — He said, "The people who are trying to make this world worse are not taking a day off. How can I? Light up the darkness.

Robert Neville: [now completely alone, Neville talks to the department store mannequins; crying] I promised my friend I would say hello to you today. Hello. Hello. Please say hello to me. Please say hello to me!

Robert Neville: [sees the department store dummy, Fred, outside of the store; grabs his assault rifle; guns the dummy down] What the hell are you doing out here, Fred? What the hell-No! NO! What the hell... Fred, if you're real, you better tell me right now! Dammit Fred... IF YOU'RE REAL, YOU BETTER TELL ME RIGHT NOW! DAMN IT, FRED!! DAMN IT!

Robert Neville: This is Ground Zero. This is my site. I can still fix this.

Robert Neville: [to Sam] Day 1001. Uh, we came in close contact with a hive today. Blood tests confirm that I am immune to both the airborne and contact strains. Canines remain immune to airborne strain only. You can't go running into the dark, dummy. Vaccine trials continue, I'm still unable to transfer my immunity to infected hosts. The Krippen Virus is... elegant. Just fishing in the dark, son. Hm, a behavioral note, um, an infected male exposed himself to sunlight today. Now, it's possible decreased brain function or the growing scarcity of food is causing them to... ignore their basic survival instincts. Social de-evolution appears complete. Typical human behavior is now entirely absent.

Robert Neville: [goes over to a stack of glass cubicles containing KV infected rats; pause] Dr. Robert Neville, September 5th, 2012, GA series, serum 391. Animal trials. Streaming video. GA series results appear typical. Compounds 1, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 14, 16, 18 did not kill the virus. Compounds 2, 5, 7, 12, 13, 15, 17 all killed the host. Hold on a second. Compound 6 appears to be showing decreased aggression response. Partial pigmentation return. Slight pupil constriction. GA series, serum 391, Compound 6, next candidate for human trials. You hang in there, #6.

Robert Neville: My name is Robert Neville. I am a survivor living in New York City. I am broadcasting on all AM frequencies. I will be at the South Street Seaport everyday at mid-day, when the sun is highest in the sky. If you are out there... if anyone is out there... I can provide food, I can provide shelter, I can provide security. If there's anybody out there... anybody... please. You are not alone.

Marcus Burnett: [''While pursuing Fouchet, who is up ahead in a roadster''] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will be used against you in a court of law.

Mike Lowrey: Yo man, what the fuck are you doing?

Marcus Burnett: Getting it out the way.

Mike Lowrey: You know what man? I'm so sick of this bull-shit. What, I'm supposed to apologize for my family leaving me money? All I ever wanted to be was a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I'm the first guy through the door and I'm always the last one to leave the crime scene. So you know what? Fuck you, and fuck them, and fuck everybody that's got a problem with Mike Lowrey.

Marcus Burnett: I love you, man.

Mike Lowrey: Fuck you, Marcus.

Marcus Burnett: I do. You're cool. You're my boy.

Mike Lowrey: Shut up, shut up, Marcus. Slow-ass driver. Drivin like a bitch. Slow-ass.

Marcus Burnett: Why I gotta be all that? I'll take you and me off this fuckin cliff if you keep fuckin with me. Then it'll be, what, two bitches in the sea? Huh, is that it? Is that what you want?

Mike Lowrey: Shut up, Marcus.

Marcus Burnett: My wife knows I ain't no bitch. I'm a bad boy.

Mike Lowrey and Marcus Burnett: [''singing''] Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Store Clerk: Hey, freeze bitch!

Mike Lowrey: You freeze, bitch!

Store Clerk: Oh, shit! I'm fucked.

Mike Lowrey: [[w:List of chewing gum brands#B|a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious] Now back up, put the gun down, and get me ].

Marcus Burnett: [[w:skittles|Skittles] And some ].

Mike Lowrey: Hello?

Marcus Burnett: We're your new neighbors.

Mike Lowrey: Don't be alarmed, we're Negros.

Marcus Burnett: [''In high pitched voice''] Naw man, naw. There's too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. You got to sound like them. We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar?

Mike Lowrey: What the hell are you doin'?

Marcus Burnett: Keepin my shit quick.

Mike Lowrey: Oh, I see. You aren't gettin any at home, so you got a lot of extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.

Captain Howard: Ho! What did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said cause I was standing there when I said it. I told you. I told you to secure a witness. Not to shoot up a neighborhood! Not to do another dead body! Just get the dope back, and do it quietly.

Marcus Burnett: Look, Captain, this whole situation is getting out of control.

Captain Howard: You're goddamn right it's getting out of control!

Marcus Burnett: Look, man, I damn near had to pass a pop quiz before she believed I was him.

Captain Howard: [''Shoots the ball''; ''Missed shot''] Going, it's going... Shit. A little off.

Mike Lowrey: I haven't killed anybody yet today, Captain.

Captain Howard: Hey, do you want me to yell at you? Cause I can do that. Let me tell you something. This witness—is my only good news I got, okay? The only good news. You guys are bad news. So what does that mean? It means if you have to be Mike Lowrey, Santa Claus, FD Hutton—I don't give a shit, that's what you're gonna be!

Mike Lowrey: Wait a minute, what the hell is going on here?

Captain Howard: [''Missed another shot''] I was getting them all in before you showed up.

Mike Lowrey: Can somebody talk to me, please? Can I know what's going on?

Marcus Burnett: Captain, these fools could have gotten a look at my license plate last night.

Captain Howard: So where's the girl now?

Marcus Burnett: [''Points to Mike''] ...His place.

Mike Lowrey: What!?

Captain Howard: You left her by herself? Our only fucking witness?!

Mike Lowrey: You left a strange hooker alone in my apartment?!

Marcus Burnett: The girl is not a hooker, as far as I know. See, I had to stash her someplace. Her and her dogs, Luke and Dukie.

Mike Lowrey: Oh, so y-you left dogs in my house? There's dogs and a hooker in my house? How about you add some chimps, we can have a carnival.

Marcus Burnett: [''Talking over Mike''] I said she isn't a hooker. Can you please—

Mike Lowrey: [''Talking over Marcus''] Respect my stuff—

Captain Howard: [''To Marcus] Shut up!! For years, Sinclair has been up my ass, trying to pin something on me. I'm always taking it for you. Do it for me! Now, if we can get this witness to IDs our shooters, maybe we catch our bad guys. But until then—until then— ] YOU are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him—

Marcus Burnett: [''Talking over Howard''] But I—

Captain Howard: [''Talking over Marcus''; ''to Mike''; ''To Marcus''; ''To Mike''; ''Takes another shot and misses''] You're him—I don't wanna hear it! You're him! And you, you're you, you be you, but...not in front of her. You're him! You're you! Fuck!

Mike Lowrey: Can we get a time-out, Captain? What am I, the designated homeless?

Captain Howard: Does it look like I care? Whatever it takes, all right? Whatever it takes. What did she say to you? The shooters are making their drop in four days? So we got four days.

Marcus Burnett: Captain! What kind of plan is that, man? I can't be shacked up with that woman. I have a family to look after. My wife will kill my ass!

Captain Howard: [''Missed another shot''] You don't like your job? Quit. Damn!

Mike Lowrey: Look, I'll stay at the house with Theresa and the kids.

Marcus Burnett: Thank you—Thank you, but no thank you. You wouldn't last five minutes with my family.

Mike Lowrey: [''Picks up a basketball''] Please, married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy.

Marcus Burnett: [[The Cosby Show|Cosbys] Yo, man, we ain't the ].

Mike Lowrey: [''In position to shoot''] Let's go, I got this.

Captain Howard: Go.

Mike Lowrey: [''Posing''; [w:Be Like Mike|be like Mike] Everybody wants to ].

Captain Howard: [[w:Michael_Jordan#First_retirement_and_stint_in_Minor_League_Baseball_(1993–1994)|retired like him] Yeah, and you're going to be ], too.

Marcus Burnett: [''Walks off from the court''] I'd have dunked it on your ass...

Mike Lowrey: [''To the White Carjacker holding a gun to his head''] Let me tell you how bad a day you're having: right now you're jacking a couple of cops.

White Carjacker: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a stand-up comedian. And I suck! That's why I need your car.

Marcus Burnett: [''To the Black Carjacker''; [Wesley Snipes] Look, now I ain't no ]! I just hang out with stupid-ass friends, that drive stupid-ass cars, that attract a lot of motherfuckin attention!

Mike Lowrey: You know what? I need to jump over this car and smack you in your peasy-ass head. That's what I need to do.

Marcus Burnett: Well, you know what? You're arguin over a motherfuckin french fry.

Mike Lowrey: It's not about the french fry, it's about your lack of respect for other people's property!

White Carjacker: Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey!

Black Carjacker: Shut the fuck up!

Mike Lowrey: That shit is stupid!

White Carjacker: Shut up, shut up!

Marcus Burnett: [''To the Black Carjacker''] Hold-- Hold the fuck on!

Black Carjacker: Forget this!

Marcus Burnett: [''To Mike''] Alright, now, you want some bad enough? Come get some!

Marcus Burnett: [''Pointing gun at the Black Carjacker, who is on the ground''; [w:Passenger 57|Wesley Snipes, "Passenger 57"!] You like that shit? ] Now gimme a motherfuckin Handy Wipe!

Mike Lowrey: [''Pointing gun at the White Carjacker, who is on the ground''] Now let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.

Mike Lowrey: Hey-hey, what's this having-a-picnic shit in my car?

Marcus Burnett: Please, man. I'm not getting my sex at home. Don't-don't deny me this.

Mike Lowrey: What are you talking about? You sleep with a beautiful woman every night.

Marcus Burnett: I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.

Mike Lowrey: Why don't you watch it with all that shit, man?

Bagger Vance: Yep... Inside each and every one of us is one true authentic swing... Something we was born with... Something that's ours and ours alone... Something that can't be taught to you or learned... Something that got to be remembered... Over time the world can, rob us of that swing... It get buried inside us under all our would haves and could haves and should haves... Some folk even forget what their swing was like...

Bagger Vance: Yeah, I always felt a man's grip on his club just like a man's grip on his world...

Bagger Vance: I hear you lost your swing. I guess we got to go find it.

Bagger Vance: Don't worry about hitting the ball or where it goes, just swing the club, feel the club.

Chris Gardner: How many planets are there?

Christopher: Um... seven?

Chris Gardner: Seven? Nine! OK, who's the king of the jungle?

Christopher: The gorilla?

Chris Gardner: Gorilla? Nope. Lion.

Christopher: Yeah, lion, lion. You wanna hear something funny?

Chris Gardner: OK.

Christopher: Knock knock.

Chris Gardner: Who's there?

Christopher: Shelby.

Chris Gardner: Shelby who?

Christopher: Shelby comin round the mountain when she comes, Shelby comin round the mountain when she comes!

Chris Gardner: Hey, that's good.

Christopher: Knock knock.

Chris Gardner: Who's there?

Christopher: Nobody.

Chris Gardner: Nobody who?

Chris Gardner: Nobody who?

Chris Gardner: A-ha-ha, that's a good one, I like that!

Chris Gardner: I thought I'd wear a shirt today, um, you know, being the last day and all.

Martin Frohm: Well, thank you. Thank you. We appreciate that. But... wear one tomorrow though, okay? Because tomorrow's going to be your first day... if you'd like to work here as a broker. Would you like that, Chris?

Gardner: Yes, sir.

Frohm: Good. We couldn't be happier. So welcome. Was it as easy as it looked?

Gardner: No, sir. No, sir, it wasn't.

Frohm: Good luck, Chris.

Gardner: [shakes hands with Jay Twistle and the other partners, and prepares to leave] Thank you. Thank you.

Frohm: [gives him back five dollars for an earlier cab ride] Oh, Chris. I almost forgot. Thank you.

Chris Gardner: Don't ever let someone tell you, you can't do something. Not even me. All right?

Christopher: All right.

Chris Gardner: You got a dream, you got to protect it. People can’t do something themselves, they want to tell you you can’t do it. You want something, go get it. Period.

Chris Gardner: [about the spelling mistakes in the graffiti of a building] It's not "H-A-P-P-Y-N-E-S-S" Happiness is spelled with an "I" instead of a "Y

Christopher: Oh, okay. Is "Fuck" spelled right?

Chris Gardner: Um, yes. "Fuck" is spelled right but you shouldn't use that word.

Christopher: Why? What's it mean?

Chris Gardner: It's, um, an adult word used to express anger and, uh, other things. But it's an adult word. It's spelled right, but don't use it.

Chris Gardner: Probably means there's a good chance. Possibly means we might or we might not.

Christopher: Okay.

Chris Gardner: So, what does probably mean?

Christopher: It means we have a good chance.

Chris Gardner: And what does possibly mean?

Christopher: I know what it means! It means we're not going to the game.

Christopher: What are you doing?

Chris Gardner: Just filling out a check, paying some bills and a parking ticket.

Christopher: We don't have a car anymore.

Chris Gardner: Yeah, I know...

Chris Gardner: [To a man with a sports car] I just have two questions for you: What do you do, and how do you do it?

Chris Gardner: [[Thomas Jefferson; [United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence] It was right then that I started thinking about ], the ] and the part about our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking: How did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue. And maybe we can actually never have it, no matter what. How did he know that?

Congressman Sam Albert: [on TV] We knew that we had to monitor our enemies. We've also come to realize that we need to monitor the people who are monitoring them...

Carla Dean: Well who's gonna monitor the monitors of the monitors?

Robert Clayton Dean: I wouldn't mind doing a little... "monitoring" myself.

Carla: Yes, and you've got lots and lots of... "monitoring" to do.

Eric Dean: Are you guys talking about sex?

Robert: [surprised with Carla] Boy!

Eric: Oh no, it's time for dinner.

Robert: Get in there and eat your dinner, no more hanging with Dylan.

Edward "Brill" Lyle: You're the threat now. Just like I was.

Robert Clayton Dean: Threat to whom? To them?

Lyle: No. To your family, your friends, everybody you know, everybody you meet. That's why I went away and didn't come back. You've got to go away, Robert.

Dean: No, I don't think so. This is my life, I worked hard for it and I want it back. I grew up without a father, I know what that is. And I will not allow my family to go through that.

Kid at Nearby Table: Mommy, I want to go home.

Lyle: Want to take a poke at me? Come on.

Dean: I don't hit senior citizens.

Lyle: [cat cuddles up; [w:guerrilla warfare|guerrilla warfare] Come here, Babe. Come here, come on. In ] they taught us to use our weaknesses as strengths.

Dean: Such as?

Lyle: Well, if they're big and you're small, then you're mobile and they're slow. You're hidden and they're exposed. You only fight battles you know you can win. That's the way the Vietcong did it. You capture their weapons and you use them against them the next time. That way they're supplying you. You grow stronger as they grow weaker.

Robert Clayton Dean: What the hell just happened?

Edward "Brill" Lyle: I blew up the building.

Dean: Why?

Lyle: Because you made a phone call!

Edward "Brill" Lyle: The government's been in bed with the entire telecommunications industry since the forties. They've infected everything. They get into your bank statements, computer files, email, listen to your phone calls...

Robert Clayton Dean: My wife's been saying that for years.

Lyle: [analyzes disk] Every wire, every airwave. The more technology used, the easier it is for them to keep tabs on you. It's a brave new world out there. At least it'd better be. There it goes. It's some kind of simple encryption.

Dean: Oh, conspiracy theorists of the world, unite.

Lyle: [[w:Fort George G. Meade|Fort Meade] It's more than a theory with me. I'm a former conspirer. I used to work for the NSA. I was a communication analyst. Listen to international calls, calls from foreign nationalists. That GPS tracking device we found in your cellular telephone? I designed one of the first models in that series. ] has 18 acres of mainframe computers underground. You're talking on the phone and you use the word, "bomb," "president," "Allah," any of a hundred keywords, the computer recognizes it, automatically records it, red flags it for analysis; that was twenty years ago. You know the Hubble Telescope that looks up to the stars? They've got over a hundred spy satellites looking down at us. That's classified. In the old days, we actually had to tap a wire into your phone line. Now calls bouncin around on satellite, they snatch right out of the air.

Edward "Brill" Lyle: Is this about me? Do they know me?

Robert Clayton Dean: Who's them?

Lyle: Do they know me??

Dean: [emotionally charged] I don't know what you're talking about!

Lyle: You're either very smart or incredibly stupid.

Robert Clayton Dean: I was shopping for some lingerie. That's still legal, isn't it?

David Pratt: Were you buying that for your wife?

Dean: No, I was picking something up for myself, I do a little cross dressing on the weekends. You know, you'd be surprised how a nice pair of edible panties can make a guy feel sexy.

Robert Clayton Dean: [explaining himself to Mr Pintero's lieutenant when a new article tags him and Pintero] Actually, I believe the slur "shyster" is generally reserved for Jewish attorneys. I believe the proper slur for someone like myself would be "eggplant".

Robert Clayton Dean: [talking to wife on the way back from work; [w:Janet Jackson|Janet Jackson] You're the only woman for me. You and ].

Sara: Why don't you go hit a titty bar with your buddy, Vance?

Hitch: ...Wow, I don't believe this... That's your source?

Sara: You buried yourself, Alex.

Hitch: Then you weren't listening.

Sara: I heard every word. You're a scam artist. You trick women into getting...

Hitch: ... Into getting out of their own way so great guys like Albert Brennaman have a fighting chance.

Speed Dating Host: Ok...

Hitch: [gestures at speed-dating scene] No, no, I want -— I want everybody to take a look at this right now! Because this — this right here — this is exactly why falling in love is so goddamn hard!

Speed Dating Host: Sir, let's go. Now.

Hitch: [while leaving] And Vance Munson is a pig! And I refused to work with him. You need to get your facts right. It's because of jerks like him that I even have a job! Had a job.

Sara: My job is to try to find the truth!

Hitch: The truth?! You wouldn't know the truth if it kicked you in the head!

Hitch: So, tell me about her.

Vance: Have you ever met someone, and you knew right away she was gonna be important to you? Not just because of her looks, but that X factor?

Hitch: How'd you meet her?

Vance: Actually, I was in a shop buying pajamas for my mom-

Hitch: And by that, of course, you mean you were buying lingerie for another woman.

Vance: Yes. You can't help where you meet somebody. And the lingerie is for a woman I'm no longer seeing... But anyway, the girl I met, the one I was talking about... She's so sweet, funny, Southern. She gives me her number... Now she won't return my phone calls. I don't know what it is about her. I just can't get her out of my mind. You know? Food has lost its taste. Colors, they seem dull. Things that used to matter... I don't know, they just no longer do. I think things aren't gonna snap back unless I... Unless I bang her.

Hitch: ...Excuse me?

Vance: You know, bang her. Clear my head. Get in, get off, get out.

Hitch: ...I think you may have misunderstood what I do, exactly.

Vance: [taken back] No, I was told that you help guys get in there!

Hitch: Right, but see, here's the thing - my clients actually like women. "Hit it and quit it" is not my thing.

Vance: Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi, I need professional help.

Hitch: Well, that is for damn certain. And I'm glad you can admit it because generally, that's the hardest part.

Vance: [grabs Hitch by the wrist] You see what I'm doing? This is what I'm about - power suit, power tie, power steering. People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want.

Hitch: [not intimidated] Oh! So that's, like, a metaphor?

Vance: Oh, yeah.

Hitch: [he reverses the grip, twists Vance's arm back and slams him on the table] Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this... This is more like me saying that I will literally break your shit off if you ever touch me again. Mmkay, pumpkin?

Hitch: Now, on the one hand, it is very difficult for a man to even speak to someone who looks like you. But, on the other hand, should that be your problem?

Sara: So life's kind of hard all around.

Hitch: Not if you pay attention. I mean, you're sending all the right signals - no earrings, heels under two inches, your hair is pulled back, you're wearing reading glasses with no book, drinking a Grey Goose martini, which means you had a hell of a week and a beer just wouldn't do it. And if that wasn't clear enough, there's always the "fuck off" that you have stamped on your forehead. because who is going to believe there is a man out there that can sit down beside a woman he doesn't know and genuinely be interested in who she is, what she does, without his own personal agenda?

Sara: Yeah, I wouldn't even know what that would look like. So what would a guy like that say?

Hitch: Well, he'd say, "My name is Alex Hitchens and I'm a consultant," but she wouldn't be interested in that because she would be just counting the seconds until he left...

Sara: ... Thinking he was like every other guy...

Hitch: ... Which life experience has taught her is a virtual certainty... but then he'd ask her name, and what she did for a living and she might blow him off, or she might say... ?

Sara: I'm Sara Melas and I run the gossip column at The Standard." Then he would ask all these penetrating questions about it because he's sincerely, if atypically, interested...

Hitch: No.

Sara: No?

Hitch: He'd be interested... but he would see that there was no way of possibly making her realize, that he was for real.

Sara: Ah...He could be funny, and charming, and refreshingly original.

Hitch: Wouldn't help.

Sara: Don't ya hate it when that happens?

Hitch: Not really... they'd probably both lead the lives they were headed toward, and my guess is... they'd do just fine. It's a pleasure to have met you, Sara Melas.

Hitch: You are flat out, out of your mind, you know that?

Albert: I know.

Hitch: That's good!

Albert: It is?

Hitch: Yeah. You ever heard of Michelangelo? The Sistine Chapel?

Albert: Yeah.

Hitch: [Gestures towards himself; Gestures towards Albert] Michelangelo. The Sistine Chapel.

Albert: Does this mean you can do this?

Hitch: My name's Alex Hitchens. Let's go paint that ceiling.

Hitch: Allegra? As in "Allegra Cole"?

Albert: I realize I'm not her usual kinda guy.

Hitch: Well her last boyfriend like... owned Sweden, or something!

Albert: Yeah, and he was a bum.... I mean he didn't seem like a very nice person... to me.

Hitch: You... you swing for the fence!

Agent J: [After seeing 1969 K shoot 1969 Boris; [death] Where there's ], there will always be death.

Agent J: [To Boris] You might wanna get a pedicure if you get a second.

Agent J: [from trailer, talking to Marco, a graffiti alien, and a graffiti artist] Crazy, right? Two grown men, talking to the wall, wall talking back, it's a mess. But hey. Don't even worry about it.

Agent J: First of all, my name is J. Okay? It's not Son, it's not Slick, and it damn sure ain't no Cochise.

Agent J: No, I call ladies "O." To me O is feminine, K is masculine. Y'know, I see a couple, I'm like... OK.

Agent J: [Neuralyzes a crowd; Points to an alien fish being towed away] May I have your attention please... Okay. You know how your kid won the goldfish in that little baggy from the school fair, but you didn't want that nasty thing in your house so you told your kid it ran away but what you really did was flush it down the toilet? Well, this what happens. Okay, see what I'm talking about? Don't lie to your kids!

Agent J: [looking at an ugly alien fish] Ooh, man, you look like you come from the planet... Damn.

Agent J: [talking to K at Wu’s restaurant] Man, I am getting too old for this. I can only imagine how you feel.

Agent J: [Showing the crowd a crashed spaceship] Okay! You know how you're on a airplane and the flight attendant asks you to turn your cell-phone off. And you're like, I ain't turning my cell-phone off, that don't have nothing to do with no damn airplane. Well, this is what we get, that's what happens. It gets up there, bounces around on the satellites, then blam! Just turn your damn cell-phone off. Now you're gonna drive off a cliff tonight because your GPS don't work.

Marcus Burnett: I got this!

Mike Lowrey: But you don't though!

Mike Lowrey: You got hit?

Marcus Burnett: No, black jelly bean! Nobody likes that shit!

Mike Lowrey: Windshield wiper fluid is inflammable!

Marcus Burnett: [''The car is on fire and crashes''] I ain't no damn scientist!