Dog Soldiers Quotes

Private "Spoon" Witherspoon I hope I give you the shits, you fucking wimp.

Cooper Go on then, Bruce, what scares you?

Campbell The self-destructive nature of the human condition.

Spoon You're just takin the piss now.

Campbell Oh, you think so?

Cooper What about you then, Spoon?

Spoon Castration.

Cooper Hm, there's no argument there. Joe?

Kirkley Only one thing guaranteed to put the shits up me: a penalty shoot-out.

Cooper Figures. Terry?

Milburn Watchin a penalty shoot-out... with Joe.

Campbell What about you, Coop?

Cooper Spiders. And women. And, uh... spider-women.

Spoon You know what this reminds me of? ]. A hundred men of Harlech making a desperate stand against ten thousand Zulu warriors. Outnumbered, surrounded, staring death in the face, not flinching for a moment. Balls of British steel.

Kirkley You're bloody loving this, aren't you? It's totally bone. That's all there is to say.

Ryan Ever heard of Special Weapons Division? They're the men in white coats who train dolphins to stick mines on submarines, and cute furry animals to tear your head off at the neck. They saw an opportunity and called me in.

Cooper To do what? Catch one of these things?

Ryan And to bring it back. Alive, if possible.

Megan Only "it" turned out to be "them".

Ryan We underestimated enemy numbers.

Cooper Underestimated? I'd have a serious word with your head scheds about the quality of their intelligence.

Ryan It may have been their invitation, but it was my party. I planned it, executed it.

Cooper And you loused it up.

Wells We lost good men, Ryan. Yours and mine. I want to know... ...where we fit in.

Ryan The reality is, you're expendable. And I had approval to put you at risk.

Cooper Get to the fuckin point, Ryan!

Ryan I made a gap in enemy lines. You were good enough to spot it, and predictable enough to go for it. That was your bait. You were mine.

Cooper You bastard.

Ryan I had to choose somebody. I remembered you. Monkey see, monkey do.

Wells They were my men!

Cooper Get up, ya shit! You know what we can do! Give us a fightin chance!

Ryan Live and learn, Cooper.

Wells If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya. Because we're firing blanks doesn't mean we have to be thinking nice thoughts. So you remember, you keep the fire down, right, you get stuck in and you kick their fucking teeth out, or I guarantee you, Joe, they will be eating your bollocks for breakfast, sunshine.

Milburn Hard-boiled or fried, Sarge?

Wells Scrambled.

Cooper How are you feeling?

Wells A touch of gas. And the fact that various body parts are trying to vacate the premises, fucking awful.

Cooper What now?

Spoon They shut down the generator!

Milburn Why would they do that?

Megan Because they can see in the dark.

Ryan And you're afraid of it.

Private Cooper You think it's all over? It is now.

Megan Up until today you believed there was a line between myth and reality. Maybe a very fine line sometimes, but at least there was a line. Those things out there are real. If they're real, what else is real? You know what lives in the shadows now. You may never get another night's sleep as long as you live.

Sergeant Harry G. Wells I just didn't make it out this time, that's all. When I signed my life away on that dotted line, I fucking meant it. I am a professional soldier.

Taglines Six men. Full moon. No chance.

Milburn I want to know what scares the Sarge.

Spoon Piss off, man, nothin scares the Sarge.

Wells I don't know about that; the thought of never seeing my wife again scares the shit out of me. That and those little things that make your skin crawl and the hair stand up on the back of your neck.

Kirkley You mean like Spoon?

Wells No, there's one thing, actually, in particular that I'll remember til the day I die. Yeah, it was back in 91, just before my unit was flown out to Kuwait to mop up the last pockets of resistance. Me and this young fella called Eddie Oswald decided to get a tattoo done to commemorate our first trip into the desert.

Campbell I remember im, he was... he was a stocky hardcase with a broken nose and a bong eye, eh?

Wells Yeah, that's him. Good-lookin fella, big hit with the ladies. Anyway, me and Eddie, we went and had a few drinks - we had a lot of drinks - and we went down to the tattoo parlor, and I got a desert rat done. And Eddie, being Eddie, wanted something a bit more meaning. And being a bit of a believer, he said that his soul still belonged to God. But his flesh, oh, his flesh was way beyond redemption, and it was up to Satan to save his skin. So he got this fucking great laughing devil tattooed right on his arse. Anyway, about six days later, we were making a regular sweep along the Iraqi border, and Eddie... poor fucker triggered an anti-tank mine.

Wells Yeah, we all saw it happen, I mean, he was on point. White, blinding lightning flash and a fucking deafening crack, and by the time we picked ourselves up off the deck, Eddie was... he was gone. Just bits and pieces of him, s'all that remained, this big fuckin red circle, hundred meters. I'll tell you something, lads, it really puts things in perspective when you have to scoop your mate up with a shovel and stick him in a bin bag. Anyway, the thing that really did our nuts in that day was when you, uh... came across a bit you recognized. Bit of ear, toe, a nose, a tooth. But the thing that really freaked us out that day was when Left-Hand Charlie found the bit of Eddie with the tattoo on it. I mean, everything else was burnt to a crisp, covered in claret, all mushed up, pulped up. Not this bit. This bit was perfect. And there's old Nick, chortlin his fuckin arsehole off at us. So you could say that Eddie was right, that Satan did indeed save his skin. Just not all of it. Or you could say that Eddie was just unlucky. Either way, it taught me to keep a very open mind. Boom. Boom.

Taglines Imagine you're leading a six man squad on a routine army exercise...and it all goes horribly wrong....

Cooper So either we all make a break for it and fight our way clear, or the rest of us keep them occupied while one of us goes for help.

Kirkley And by the time the cavalry get here, they'll have to pick what's left of us from between their fuckin teeth.

Captain Ryan Of course, the real trick to survival lies not in running and hiding, but in removing your enemy's capacity to hunt you down.

Wells My guts are out, Coop!

Cooper We'll just put em back in then!

Wells They're not gonna fucking fit!

Cooper Of course they'll fit, man!

Private Cooper Yeah, I failed. I'm bloody glad of it. Cos given the choice of takin orders from a toffee-nosed twat like you and sluggin it out with these guys, I'll take the underdogs any time.

Private Cooper We are gonna make it through this. You know why? I don't scare that easy.

Cooper Werewolves spend most of their time in human form, right? And the only people for miles around live right here.

Spoon So these things aren't about to give up the fight and go home...

Cooper They are home.

Wells Yeah, well, that makes perfect sense, don't it? I mean, think about it. We bust into their house, we eat all their porridge, we sleep in their fucking beds. No wonder they're pissed off.

Megan But they're good people, they're kind people.

Cooper More's the pity.

Megan Why?

Cooper Cos we're gonna have to kill them all.

Wells Too right, mate.

Sergeant Harry G. Wells I am not breaking radio silence just cos you lot got spooked by a dead flying fucking cow.

Megan What happened?

Spoon What happened? We were attacked by huge fuckin howlin things, that's what.

Megan I'm sorry. When I found you out there tonight, I truly believed you were the best chance I had of getting out. But now we have no chance. There is no out, there never was. I came here to be at one with nature. Well, I got what I wanted... now I have to live with it.

Cooper There is no house in the next glen.

Megan No.

Cooper And there were no werewolves in the barn when it blew.

Megan Not one.

Cooper And the reason you're not in the photograph is because you took it.

Megan I never meant to..

Cooper New women. Same old shite.

Megan Being nice to women will get you nowhere, Cooper. Being nice to me will get you killed. You may think they're all bitches but... I'm the real thing. Do you think I like being part of this fucked-up family? You think I chose to run with the pack? No. I chose you. But now you're out of luck, and I'm out of time, and all we can do is let nature take its course. They were always here. I just unlocked the door. It's that time of the month.

Wells Somebody had to put her out of her misery.

Captain Ryan We're on a different level here, Cooper. For that, I need men of action, not deeds.

Wells Right lads, ditch your ATs. From here on in the exercise is well and truly over. Anyone not carrying live rounds had better do so.

Ryan It won't make any difference. They won't die.

Wells Yeah, well, this gives me better peace of mind, sir.

Ryan You want peace of mind? Run for lives before they tear your legs from under you.

Wells Will you just shut up, like a good gentleman? You are scaring my lads.

Cooper You alright?

Wells Oh yeah, I'm fine, Cooper. I mean, I feel... absolutely fantastic. That's the problem, isn't it, eh? What if she's wrong? What if they're not all in there, eh?

Cooper Then we get some of em. It's a shitload better than none of em, and a marked improvement on all of us.

Wells No no no, you listen to me. You get the fuck out now. I hold em back, I keep em occupied, and you get out.

Cooper We've lost enough men for one night, d'ye think?

Wells Let me show you something. Now do not tell me that that is fucking normal. What happened to Ryan is happening to me. It's just a matter of time, mate.

Cooper Stop wasting time with this hari-kari crap. This fight isn't lost yet.

Wells With Ryan, it only took a couple of hours, mate. It's a full moon. I mean, I don't know, maybe it's like when you need to take a piss or something, I don't know. When you gotta go, you gotta fucking go.

Cooper Or maybe it's more like needin a shite. Just cos you need one doesn't mean you drop your kegs and pinch one off. Anyway, fuck Ryan. Shifty bastard could've been one of those things from the start.

Wells You know, Coop, there's one more thing you've gotta learn about command, mate: Sometimes the people that you kill... are your own men.

Taglines A Bitch of a Werewolf Movie

Cooper Well, Ryan, you heard the score. Maybe one or two of us are gonna make it through this. I don't care much for our chances. D'ye like football?

Ryan What, "they think it's all over" and all that crap? No, I don't.

Cooper Well, Joe, you remember Joe? He liked football. Fuckin lived for it.

Ryan Is this relevant?

Cooper He missed the most important match of his life for this bullshit exercise, and now he's dead along with two other mates I'd have readily given my right arm for. Too fuckin right it's "relevant"!

Megan Every month, when the moon is full, they hunt as a team. Dedicated to the kill. During that time, at least fifteen people have vanished. Hikers mostly. In small groups or alone. They're caught out in the open, hunted down, torn apart and devoured. I've never witness the actual slaughter, but the next day, no bodies, no werewolves, just blood.

Sergeant Harry G. Wells We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch.

Megan Tell me. Honestly, what are our chances?

Cooper Morale seems good, considering. But that will only last as long as the ammunition holds out. Although high spirits are just no substitute for eight hundred rounds a minute, but I don't think that's what you wanted to hear.

Private Cooper Ryan. Ya tried lickin your own balls yet? I forgot, you don't fuckin have any.