30 quotes
Unchanging Over a Decade
Sheriff Parker
(To Chris) Ten years, and you have not changed a bit.
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Complimenting Engineering Skills
Chris McCormack
(First lines) You sure look like a pretty good engineerer.
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Belief in a Father's Sanity
Chris McCormack
(About his father's gold) I knew he wasn't crazy!
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A Call to Aunt Gladys
Chris McCormack
Aunt Gladys!
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Phone lines are down, Mike.
Sheriff Parker
All the phone lines are down, Mike.
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Farewell to Consuela
Chris McCormack
Adieus, Consuela!
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Sheriff Parker Questions Deputy About Missing Cat
Sheriff Parker
(To Deputy Pete) Something ate your cat? What do you think it was?
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A Simple Observation About Chris
Sheriff Parker
(About Chris) He just needs a shave...
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Confronting Fear in a Desolate Landscape
Harlan
(First lines) Do you know fear? Have you ever had your heart beating in your chest so intensely... that you can't even breathe? This is a story of... monsters... hideous nightmares crawling in the night. I've seen them. I've seen them in visions. And you... will... too. (Laughs.) I know what you must be thinking, what's this crazy guy doing out here in this godforsaken landscape? Well, I'll tell you. For this is the only place in the country where I can tell the truth and they can't. Hit me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Greeting Consuela in a quirky way
Joshua
Say hello to Consuela...
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Confronting the Eight-Legged Threat
Chris McCormack
Get back, you EIGHT-LEGGED FREAKS!
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Sheriff Parker's Concern Over Communication Failure
Sheriff Parker
Where have you been, Wade? All the phones are dead!
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Spider Growth Explained Through Diet
Joshua
(After Mike has enquired about the alarming size of the arachnids): It's their diet. These have been growing in the pond for the last three days. (Mike: Crickets?) They're like, spider steroids.
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A Missing Companion in the Cage
Joshua
(Last line, as he observes the empty tarantula cage) Where'd you go, little fella?
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Identity Clarification by Chris McCormack
Chris McCormack
And my name's not Sonny. It's Chris.
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Confronting Disrespectful Communication with Authority
Sheriff Parker
(To Ashley) Who said it was OK to talk to your mother like that?
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Spiders Will Be Bigger Next Week
Joshua
(As Mike leaves) When you come back next week they'll be twice as big as they are today!
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Panic Ensues as Danger Approaches
Chris McCormack
(Hysterical) They're here! They're here!
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Bribing Customs and Competing for Attention
Joshua
I had to bribe every customs agent from San Diego to Tuscon. (Leads Mike over to orb weavers.) You see, the female species is three times as big as the male. (Consuela emerges.) The males try to compete for the females attention by bringing them the best presents, you know, like rats, mice, (Looks at his parrot, smirking), the occasional parrot. Come.
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Unexpected heroism in a crisis moment
Chris McCormack
(Confronted by Conseula) I can't! It'll set off the gas! (Squirts perfume into Conseula's face) Mike, you saved us!
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Advice for Overcoming Disorientation
Chris McCormack
If you start feeling disorientated, then get to one of these higher chambers as soon as possible.
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Observation on an old cactus piece
Chris McCormack
You know, that does look like an old piece of cactus.
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Contemplating Personal Grooming Choices
Chris McCormack
Uh, maybe I don't need a shave...
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Consuela's Unusual Hunting Method Explained
Joshua
(About Consuela) So she can liquefy her prey, wrapped alive...
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Confronting Delusions and Enforcing Consequences
Sheriff Parker
(To Mike) This is your problem, right here. I don't want to hear any more of your paranoid delusional nightmare. Right you're grounded for a week, mister. And no TV!
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Call to Awareness in Prosperity, Arizona
Harlan
We're here in Propsperity, Arizona, with the only reports on government conspiracies, space aliens, and updated reports on when they plan to invade. It's a beautiful day in Prosperity, and it's time for America to WAKE UP PEOPLE! WAKE UP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! But no, of course, they're still asleep.
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Pet Abductions and Alien Conspiracy Theories
Harlan
We've just received a report that our pet dog Skippy's been missing, fourth missing pet call we've had this morning. Yeah, it's strange, it's strange. And people are saying, well you know it's cayotes, and it's wolves, but we know the truth. Yes, we all know about those aliens, and the probe, heh, yes, the probe. Let's talk about the probe. I mean, what are they looking for? I mean, it's just wrong! What are they doing? I mean, Skippy didn't do anything to anyone, he doesn't deserve that! I'm telling you, it's wrong! If you want a piece of me, just don't take that piece!
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Joshua Greets Mike Appropriately
Joshua
(First lines) Hello Mike.
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Aiming for Financial Success
Joshua
I'm going to make a fortune!
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Scientific Name Mentioned by Joshua
Joshua
Yeah, Habronattus orbus.
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