The Full Monty Quotes

Police Inspector So your daddy dances in front of you, does he?

Nathan When he's rehearsing.

Gaz You don't sing?

Guy No.

Gaz You don't dance?

Guy No.

Gaz Hope you don't mind me being nosy, but what do you do?

Guy Well, there is this...

Gaz Gentlemen, the lunchbox has landed.

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Gerald Fat, David, is a feminist issue.

Dave Well, what's that supposed to mean when it's at home?

Gerald I don't bloody know, do I? But it is.

Dave I know. You could stand in middle of road and have a mate run smack into you right fast.

Lomper Haven't got any mates.

Gaz Listen to you. We just saved your fucking life. So don't tell us we're not your mates, all right?

Lomper Really?

Gaz Yeah.

Lomper Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Dave Yeah, me an'all, I'd run into ya as soon as look at ya.

Lomper Cheers.

Gary Gaz Schofield I've got a degree in arse-wiggling, mate.

Dave I've been dieting. I do try. Seems like I spent most of me fuckin life on a diet. The less I eat, the fatter I get.

Lomper So, stuff yourself and get thin.

Gaz Y'know Dave, it's a thought...

Gerald Ha! I could just see ] prancing around Sheffield with their widgers hanging out. Now that would be worth 10 quid!

Gaz Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying...

Gerald Widgers on parade! Bring your own microscopes!

Dave I don't see why the chuff not, Gerald.

Gerald Because you're fat and he's thin, and you're both fucking ugly!

Dave I mean, what if next Friday 400 women turn round and say "He's too fat, he's too old and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser"? What happens then, eh?

Horse They wouldn't say that, would they?

Dave Why not? He's just said her tits are too big.

Lomper That's different. We're... blokes.

Dave Yeah, and...

Gerald I think she's got nice tits, actually.

Lomper I never said nowt about her personality, like. I mean, she's probably quite nice if you get to know her.

Dave No. And they won't say nowt about your personality neither, which is good cause you're basically a bastard. Bollocks to your personality — this is what they're looking at, right? And I'll tell you summat, mate. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none.

Taglines Six men. With nothing to lose. Who dare to go....