14 quotes
A Reflection on Tradition and Responsibility
Principal Steven Wilkins
I didn't do such a good job, did I? What do you think? Hey. You OK? You need a ]? Oh, wait. That's right. There's another tradition, a very important one... ].
[notices Charlie looking nauseous; [w:Root beer|root beer; chuckles; [w:Poisoned candy scare|always check your candy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Offering to Lost Souls by the Lake
Sara
You are so full of shit.
[after Macy tells the story about the School Bus Massacre]
Macy
Really? Well, then I guess you won't mind being first.
Sara
First what?
Macy
Eight victims, eight jack-o'-lanterns, each one representing a lost soul. So we're going to leave them by the side of the lake as an offering to those who died.
Chip
Oh.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Halloween Safety Guidelines and Wishes
Halloween Commercial Man
During the spookiest time of the year there are a few guidelines all ghosts and goblins should follow. Always stay on sidewalks. Never go to a strangers house, and never go out alone.
Emma
This was a great idea, honey. Really. It's just magical. It makes me wish every night was Halloween.
[Sarcastically]
Henry
I'm sorry Em. Wait, wait. Not yet.
Emma
What?
Henry
You're supposed to keep it lit.
Emma
Why?
Henry
Ancient tradition?
Emma
Henry, it's Halloween, not Hanukkah. Baby, I'm lit and you're lit.
Henry
But honey...
Emma
But our little friend here? His night's over.
Henry
You know, there are rules, you should be more careful. You might upset someone.
Emma
Oh, please. Who?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Halloween in Warren Valley: A Night of Costumes
Reporter
Werewolves, zombies and demons of every variety. They've all descended on the normally sleepy town of Warren Valley, OH. Where the holiday and all of its strange traditions are taken very seriously. It's only 8:00 and the streets are already packed with costumed visitors. Some to show off, others to blend in, but all to celebrate the magical night of Halloween. The one night a year where we can pretend to be the scariest thing we think of.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Foggy Confusion Among Friends
Sara
That bus is around here somewhere. I think it's over here.
[in the quarry]
Schrader
Over where? I can't see shit in this fog. Think I found a dead retard.
Macy
That's me asshole.
Schrader
Like I said.
Macy
Both of you shut up and keep looking.
Schrader
There's something moving by that rock.
Macy
I can't see.
Sara
Jesus, what is that? Help me!
[screams]
Macy
Sara! Where's Sara? Run!
Schrader
There's nowhere to go!
Chip
Up! I wanna go back up!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lessons on Halloween Traditions and Respect
Principal Steven Wilkins
Here. Help yourself. It's for the pumpkin, not you. Promise. All of mine were dull. Ahh, smashin ]? Stealin candy? It's OK. Believe it or not, I was just like you when I was a kid. Til my dad set me straight, that is. See, my dad taught me tonight is about respecting the dead because this is the one night that the dead and all sorts of other things roam free... and pay us a visit. Sorry. All these traditions... jack-o'-lanterns, putting on costumes, handing out treats... they were started to protect us, but nowadays... no one really cares.
[pulls a knife out of his bag; [w:Jack-o'-lantern|jack-o'-lanterns]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Carving a Pumpkin Together
Billy Wilkins
Let's carve a scary face this time.
[Steven Wilkins places his hand on his son's head]
Steven Wilkins
A scary face it is. Wrap it around.
[raises a butcher knife above his head; Wilkins stabs down with the knife and grunts, then raises the bloodied knife; whispers]
Billy Wilkins
But don't forget to help me with the eyes.
[smiles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Methods of Mortality
Taglines
Poison, drowning, claw, or knife - so many ways to take a life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Child's Longing for Connection and Tradition
Principal Steven Wilkins
Daddy, I want to carve a pumpkin." "Daddy, I want to go to the festival." "Daddy, I wish mommy was still alive.
[mocking his son]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Halloween Reflections at the Rock Quarry
Schrader
Great, a rock quarry. Nice way to celebrate Halloween, Macy.
Chip
Why are we here?
Macy
To pay our respects to the dead.
Chip
What happened? Did somebody die here?
Sara
Wait. Is this where - ? It is isn't it? This is where that school...
Macy
Shut up, Sara.
Chip
The Halloween School Bus Massacre.
Macy
Just don't call it that.
Schrader
What's she talking about?
Sara
It's this awesome town legend. There's this bus full of...
Macy
Jesus, will you shut up and let me tell the damn story?
Rhonda
You said a bad word.
Macy
It happened 30 years ago on a late Halloween afternoon. A school bus was on its usual route. But this wasn't your typical school bus and they weren't your typical kids. There were eight of them and they were different. Troubled. Disturbed. Every day, parents put their dirty secrets on this bus to be driven to a school miles out of town.
[begins narrating the flashback]
Vampire Kid
3260. 3264. 3266.
[in his seat counting the addresses outside]
Macy
But that day... the driver took a different route.
Vampire Kid
Wrong way. Wrong way. Wrong way.
Macy
And instead of taking the students home he drove the bus to an abandoned rock quarry. This rock quarry. What the kids didn't know is that, over the years, their parents had become exhausted, and embarrassed. And they were willing to do anything to ease their burden. So one day, the parents approached the bus driver and made him an offer. With the money collected together, they asked him to do the unthinkable. It almost worked perfectly.
Vampire Kid
Wrong way. Wrong way. Home. Home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. Home. Home. Home. Home. I wanna go home. Home.
[he manages to get out of his chains and gets behind the wheel]
Macy
The driver was never heard from again. As for the bus, some say it sank so deep that it couldn't be found. Others say the town just didn't want it to be found. For all we know, it's still down there and so are those kids.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation in Mr. Kreeg's Home
Mr. Kreeg
Spike! Spike! Get your ass in here. Are you finished crapping or what? Who the hell is that?
[hears a noise]
Mr. Kreeg
I've got an NRA membership in my pocket and a shotgun over the fireplace, so get outta here before I...
Steven
It's me, Mr. Kreeg. Steven, Steven Wilkins.
Mr. Kreeg
What in God's name are you doing down there, Wilkins? Hiding Bodies?
Mr. Kreeg
What did you say?
Steven
Nothing, its... Uh, septic tank is acting up.
Mr. Kreeg
Is that what that smell is?
Steven
I'm afraid so.
Mr. Kreeg
Then fix it. It stinks like a dead whore out here.
Steven
I'm... ...trying.
[kicks the kid; kicks the kid again]
Mr. Kreeg
And keep your kid out of my yard. Goddamn freak.
Steven
Happy Halloween.
Mr. Kreeg
Screw you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussions on Costumes and Dating Preferences
Laurie
I am not wearing this. It's too small. And my tits keep popping out.
[wearing Disney princess costumes]
Danielle
That's the idea.
Laurie
I don't know why we drove out here when there are perfectly good guys in the city.
Janet
Fresh meat.
Maria
It's what we do every Halloween, Laurie.
Laurie
Whatever happened to Trick or Treating?
Maria
Puberty.
Janet
Last year we were in Tampa.
Maria
And we went as sexy nurses.
Danielle
No Janet, Tampa was two years ago, I remember because you puked doing a guy in his pickup truck.
Janet
I ate some bad Mexican, and it was a jeep.
Danielle
Last year was San Diego. We dressed as sailors and ended up with sailors.
Janet
Yeah, and Maria's sailor was a girl.
Maria
So what, she had a nice ass, it all tastes the same to me anyway.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Halloween Traditions and Their Dark Origins
Chip Winslow
You must really like Halloween.
Rhonda Curran
You mean ]?
[[w:Samhain|Samhain]
Chip Winslow
What?
Rhonda Curran
Samhain, also known as ], also known as Halloween. Pre-dating ], the ] ] was celebrated on the one night between ] and ] when the barrier between the living and the dead was thinnest, and often involved rituals that included human sacrifice. I like your eye patch.
[[w:All Hallows' Eve|All Hallows' Eve; [w:Christianity|Christianity; [w:Celtic|Celtic; [w:Holiday|holiday; [w:Autumn|autumn; [w:Winter|winter; pauses awkwardly]
Chip Winslow
Oh...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Halloween Evening at Home
Steven
Happy Halloween.
Billy
Daddy! I'm back from Trick-or-Treating!
[shouting from the top floor bedroom window]
Steven
Billy. Shh. Please, be quiet.
Billy
Why?
[shouts]
Steven
Because you'll bother the neighbors, now go watch Charlie Brown and I'll be in in a minute.
Billy
Charlie's Brown's an asshole!
Steven
Billy Wilkens! Language.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.