Varsity Blues (1999) - Quotes

A Direct Inquiry from Jules

Jules: Hi. What do you want?

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Future Dreams and Relationship Dynamics

Darcy: Baby I got so excited thinking about next year and Florida state and the future, I think I need to be your wide receiver.

Lance: Here baby.

Darcy: Well not "here" here, but somewhere here.

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Unexpected Cult Confession in Varsity Blues

Mo Moxon: Kyle, did you start a cult?

Kyle: Yup.

Mo Moxon: That is so sweet!

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Varsity Blues - Dialogue 8

Police Officer: These kids, they're just running around wild these days. Them kids last night, they stole a cop car.

Bar Man: No.

Police Officer: Yes! Them boys been exposing themselves.

Bar Man: Exposing themselves?

Police Officer: Yes. They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club, while the ladies were rehearsing the Christmas pageant.

Bar Man: They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club?

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Humor in Unexpected Situations

Tweeder: Say I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.

Billy Bob: That's funny.

Tweeder: Ain't it funny? That's what I mean. See they need to change the name of the show to America's funniest shots in the nuts.

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Questioning Goodness and Identity

Mox: [looks at a box of condoms] I'm a good boy. I've always been good. What's my upside to being good? I'm 18 years old. It's not like I'm married to her. She invited me over. I'm just being polite, right Kyle? Kyle?

Kyle: I only answer to one name. Ali-Actabaor-Shabaz-Da.

Mox: That's a bunch of names.

Kyle: There is only one God. All praise and honor be to Allah.

Mox: Yeah. Well, would Allah nail Darcy if he had the chance? I think so.

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Tweeder Introduces His New End Zone Dance

Tweeder: Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?

Tweeder: You know what it's called?

Mox: What?

Tweeder: The new Tweeder end zone dance.

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Misguided Views on Relationships and Substance Use

Tweeder: Will you listen to me? Women are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.

Mox: What?

Tweeder: Listen. You give em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties fall off. This is nice. It's very nice.

Mox: [laughing] It's nice?

Tweeder: It's nice.

Mox: Tweeder, you think you'll enjoy prison?

Tweeder: [not paying attention] I don't know...What?

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Humorous Terminology for Male Erection

Mox: The male erection? Uh, pitchin a tent, sportin wood, icicle has formed, the march is on; stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, Rigger Mortis has set in; uh, flesh rocket, Jack's magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroom Head, purple-headed yogurt-slinger...and, uh, Pedro.

Miss Davis: Pedro?

Mox: Mmhmm.

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Discussion of Slang Terms in Class

Miss Davis: Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?

Student: Boner? Is boner one?

Miss Davis: Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!

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Misunderstanding About a Pet's Identity

Billy Bob: I sure do love that dog.

Mox: I think it's a pig.

Billy Bob: Yeah.

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A Lesson in Confidence and Expectations

Miss Davis: Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina!

Sam Moxon: I raised you to be a winner, so dammit boy, win!

Sam Moxon: I'm really proud about Brown son, but I need to talk to you about Gilroy.

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A Prom Invitation in Varsity Blues

Billy Bob: [staring at Miss Davis's breasts] Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?

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Perfection Rating in Varsity Blues

Billy Bob: [about Miss Davis' strip routine] A 10... a 10... a fucking 10!

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A Work Ethic in Unexpected Places

Billy Bob: It's a strip club, man. I'm here to work!

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Humorous Commentary on Physical Appearance

Charlie Tweeder: Looks like she fell out of the I-wanna-suck-your-dick tree and hit every branch on the way down!

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Confronting Vulnerability and Freedom in Unusual Circumstances

Charlie Tweeder: Well we're all naked in there and we've got handcuffs and cool shit to play with so take off your clothes and get in the car.

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A Command for Focus and Attention

Charlie Tweeder: [[nipples] Ladies, shut up and hold on to your ]!

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Unexpected Arrest and Unusual Demands

Charlie Tweeder: Jonathan Moxon you're are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your goddamn clothes and get in the car.

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Facing Consequences of Poor Choices

Charlie Tweeder: [after stealing a cop car] I'm gonna go to jail!

Morning Greetings and a Question

Charlie Tweeder: [Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window] Good moonin, Boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to ass you a question.

Coach's Threat to Control Player's Future

Coach Bud Kilmer: [pulling Moxon aside after practice] You disobey me, and I will bury you. I know about your scholarship to Brown. I got your grades under review. Don't think for a minute that I can't fuck with your transcripts, and get this whole deal blown for you.

Coach Kilmer's Frustration with His Player

Coach Bud Kilmer: [to Billy Bob] Son, you are fucking up my universe. You're fat, you're slow...now all of a sudden you're lazy.

Tough Love from Coach Kilmer

Coach Bud Kilmer: [to Mox] Your daddy was a no-talent pussy, but at least he listened!

Sacrifice and Disrespect in Team Dynamics

Coach Bud Kilmer: The hard work of so many, sacrificed by the disrespect of few.

Emphasizing Strength Over Vulnerability

Coach Bud Kilmer: Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.

Coach Kilmer's Unconventional Comparison of Actions

Coach Bud Kilmer: It makes me wonder if you know the difference between a sneeze and a wet fart!

A Paradox of Intelligence and Foolishness

Coach Bud Kilmer: [to Mox] You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know.

Reflections on a Defining Day

Jonathon "Mox" Moxon: [voiceover] And for some of us, it ended without us knowing. Maybe these were the last days. I never played football again. But I will never forget that day. Billy Bob cried cause he's a bit of a cryer. And Tweeder drank beers cause...Well, Tweeder drinks beer. Lance is happy. He found his calling as a football coach. Wendell got his ride to Grambling. That statue still stands, but only because it was too heavy to move. Kilmer never coached again. I took my scholarship and will graduate from Brown University. The day was ours...and no one can ever take it away.

Embracing Fearlessness for Greatness on the Field

Jonathon "Mox" Moxon: Before this game started, Kilmer said "48 minutes for the next 48 years of your life". I say "fuck that". All right? Fuck that. Let's go out there, and we play the next 24 minutes for the next 24 minutes, and we leave it all out on the field. We have the rest of our lives to be mediocre, but we have the opportunity to play like gods for the next half of football. But we can't be afraid to lose. There's no room for fear in this game. Now if we go out there, and we half-ass it cause we're scared, all we're left with is an excuse; we're always gonna wonder. But if we go out there, and we give it absolutely everything - that's heroic. Let's be heroes. Come on. What do you say, boys?

Choosing My Own Path in Life

Jonathon "Mox" Moxon: [to his father] Playing football at West Canaan may have been the opportunity of your lifetime, but I don't want your life!

Football's Unwritten Laws in West Canaan

Jonathon "Mox" Moxon: [voiceover] In America we have laws. Laws against killing. Laws against stealing. It's accepted that, as a member of society, you will live by these laws. In West Canaan, Texas, there's another society that has its own laws. Football is a way of life. That's me as a kid, playing ball with my best friends. I'm Jonathan Moxon, but most people call me Mox. As a boy in West Canaan, you never question the sanctity of football. You just listened to the coaches and tried as best you could to win. Win at all costs.