32 quotes
Football's Unwritten Laws in West Canaan
Jonathon "Mox" Moxon
In America we have laws. Laws against killing. Laws against stealing. It's accepted that, as a member of society, you will live by these laws. In West Canaan, Texas, there's another society that has its own laws. Football is a way of life. That's me as a kid, playing ball with my best friends. I'm Jonathan Moxon, but most people call me Mox. As a boy in West Canaan, you never question the sanctity of football. You just listened to the coaches and tried as best you could to win. Win at all costs.
[voiceover]
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Embracing Fearlessness for Greatness on the Field
Jonathon "Mox" Moxon
Before this game started, Kilmer said "48 minutes for the next 48 years of your life". I say "fuck that". All right? Fuck that. Let's go out there, and we play the next 24 minutes for the next 24 minutes, and we leave it all out on the field. We have the rest of our lives to be mediocre, but we have the opportunity to play like gods for the next half of football. But we can't be afraid to lose. There's no room for fear in this game. Now if we go out there, and we half-ass it cause we're scared, all we're left with is an excuse; we're always gonna wonder. But if we go out there, and we give it absolutely everything - that's heroic. Let's be heroes. Come on. What do you say, boys?
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A Direct Inquiry from Jules
Jules
Hi. What do you want?
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Sacrifice and Disrespect in Team Dynamics
Coach Bud Kilmer
The hard work of so many, sacrificed by the disrespect of few.
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Varsity Blues - Dialogue 8
Police Officer
These kids, they're just running around wild these days. Them kids last night, they stole a cop car.
Bar Man
No.
Police Officer
Yes! Them boys been exposing themselves.
Bar Man
Exposing themselves?
Police Officer
Yes. They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club, while the ladies were rehearsing the Christmas pageant.
Bar Man
They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club?
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Tweeder Introduces His New End Zone Dance
Tweeder
Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?
Tweeder
You know what it's called?
Mox
What?
Tweeder
The new Tweeder end zone dance.
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Humor in Unexpected Situations
Tweeder
Say I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.
Billy Bob
That's funny.
Tweeder
Ain't it funny? That's what I mean. See they need to change the name of the show to America's funniest shots in the nuts.
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Humorous Commentary on Physical Appearance
Charlie Tweeder
Looks like she fell out of the I-wanna-suck-your-dick tree and hit every branch on the way down!
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Reflections on a Defining Day
Jonathon "Mox" Moxon
And for some of us, it ended without us knowing. Maybe these were the last days. I never played football again. But I will never forget that day. Billy Bob cried cause he's a bit of a cryer. And Tweeder drank beers cause...Well, Tweeder drinks beer. Lance is happy. He found his calling as a football coach. Wendell got his ride to Grambling. That statue still stands, but only because it was too heavy to move. Kilmer never coached again. I took my scholarship and will graduate from Brown University. The day was ours...and no one can ever take it away.
[voiceover]
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Choosing My Own Path in Life
Jonathon "Mox" Moxon
Playing football at West Canaan may have been the opportunity of your lifetime, but I don't want your life!
[to his father]
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Coach's Threat to Control Player's Future
Coach Bud Kilmer
You disobey me, and I will bury you. I know about your scholarship to Brown. I got your grades under review. Don't think for a minute that I can't fuck with your transcripts, and get this whole deal blown for you.
[pulling Moxon aside after practice]
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Confronting Vulnerability and Freedom in Unusual Circumstances
Charlie Tweeder
Well we're all naked in there and we've got handcuffs and cool shit to play with so take off your clothes and get in the car.
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Coach Kilmer's Frustration with His Player
Coach Bud Kilmer
Son, you are fucking up my universe. You're fat, you're slow...now all of a sudden you're lazy.
[to Billy Bob]
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A Work Ethic in Unexpected Places
Billy Bob
It's a strip club, man. I'm here to work!
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Misguided Views on Relationships and Substance Use
Tweeder
Will you listen to me? Women are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.
Mox
What?
Tweeder
Listen. You give em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties fall off. This is nice. It's very nice.
Mox
It's nice?
[laughing]
Tweeder
It's nice.
Mox
Tweeder, you think you'll enjoy prison?
Tweeder
I don't know...What?
[not paying attention]
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Questioning Goodness and Identity
Mox
I'm a good boy. I've always been good. What's my upside to being good? I'm 18 years old. It's not like I'm married to her. She invited me over. I'm just being polite, right Kyle? Kyle?
[looks at a box of condoms]
Kyle
I only answer to one name. Ali-Actabaor-Shabaz-Da.
Mox
That's a bunch of names.
Kyle
There is only one God. All praise and honor be to Allah.
Mox
Yeah. Well, would Allah nail Darcy if he had the chance? I think so.
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Perfection Rating in Varsity Blues
Billy Bob
A 10... a 10... a fucking 10!
[about Miss Davis' strip routine]
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A Prom Invitation in Varsity Blues
Billy Bob
Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?
[staring at Miss Davis's breasts]
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Future Dreams and Relationship Dynamics
Darcy
Baby I got so excited thinking about next year and Florida state and the future, I think I need to be your wide receiver.
Lance
Here baby.
Darcy
Well not "here" here, but somewhere here.
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Discussion of Slang Terms in Class
Miss Davis
Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?
Student
Boner? Is boner one?
Miss Davis
Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!
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Unexpected Cult Confession in Varsity Blues
Mo Moxon
Kyle, did you start a cult?
Kyle
Yup.
Mo Moxon
That is so sweet!
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A Command for Focus and Attention
Charlie Tweeder
Ladies, shut up and hold on to your ]!
[[nipples]
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Tough Love from Coach Kilmer
Coach Bud Kilmer
Your daddy was a no-talent pussy, but at least he listened!
[to Mox]
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A Paradox of Intelligence and Foolishness
Coach Bud Kilmer
You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know.
[to Mox]
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Coach Kilmer's Unconventional Comparison of Actions
Coach Bud Kilmer
It makes me wonder if you know the difference between a sneeze and a wet fart!
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Humorous Terminology for Male Erection
Mox
The male erection? Uh, pitchin a tent, sportin wood, icicle has formed, the march is on; stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, Rigger Mortis has set in; uh, flesh rocket, Jack's magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroom Head, purple-headed yogurt-slinger...and, uh, Pedro.
Miss Davis
Pedro?
Mox
Mmhmm.
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Emphasizing Strength Over Vulnerability
Coach Bud Kilmer
Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.
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Morning Greetings and a Question
Charlie Tweeder
Good moonin, Boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to ass you a question.
[Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window]
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Facing Consequences of Poor Choices
Charlie Tweeder
I'm gonna go to jail!
[after stealing a cop car]
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A Lesson in Confidence and Expectations
Miss Davis
Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina!
Sam Moxon
I raised you to be a winner, so dammit boy, win!
Sam Moxon
I'm really proud about Brown son, but I need to talk to you about Gilroy.
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Unexpected Arrest and Unusual Demands
Charlie Tweeder
Jonathan Moxon you're are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your goddamn clothes and get in the car.
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Misunderstanding About a Pet's Identity
Billy Bob
I sure do love that dog.
Mox
I think it's a pig.
Billy Bob
Yeah.
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