Every 'Universal Soldier' Movie, Ranked From Worst to Best

On July 10, 1992, "Universal Soldier" was unleashed on an unsuspecting world. Now, in the 25 years that followed, the franchise has gone to some truly nutzo places and has one of the more complicated mythologies and timelines of any modern franchise. Half of ranking the movies is just explaining where they fit into the larger "Universal Soldier" ecosystem. But, trust me, it's worth the effort. Put on your ill-fitting rubber armor and get ready for a trip down memory lane, as we rank the "Universal Soldier" movies, from worst to best. Holler at me, JCVD!

6. 'Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business' (1999)

Okay, so here's the beginning of the long and tangled history of the "Universal Soldier" franchise: Following the release of the first film Carolco (the splashy production company founded by Mario Kassar and Andrew Vajna that had an infamously meteoric rise and fall) went bankrupt. In an effort to salvage something (anything) from the debacle, they sold the rights to "Universal Soldier" to Skyvision Entertainment. If you've never heard of this company it's because it is a Canadian television company located in Toronto. They, in turn, produced two "Universal Soldier" sequels that could also be aired as a lengthy miniseries (I wish I was making this up). The second of these movies (and, I guess, the back half of the miniseries), is "Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business," which is a much cooler name than an actual movie. This movie has a lot of stuff, including (but not limited to) mistaken identities, evil clones, hostage situations, and a performance by Burt Reynolds so lifeless and uninspired that it seems almost impossible that he shot "Boogie Nights" right beforehand. Anyway, skip it.

5. 'Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms' (1998)

"Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms" is the first direct-to-video/TV miniseries sequel to the original film, although in this one Matt Battaglia (a former football player who wound up producing that Jake Gyllenhaal/Natalie Portman movie "Brothers" somehow) takes over for Jean-Claude Van Damme in much less convincing costumes. It's hard not to giggle that a cheapie sequel to a fairly successful studio film has a plot element involving the Universal Soldier program undergoing budget cuts (just look at its opening sequence, with some straight-out-of-iMovie font choices and Nu Metal score). Also hard not to giggle at: an appearance by none other than Gary Busey in full-on career freefall mode.

4. 'Universal Soldier: The Return' (1999)

This is where the timeline gets really weird because "Universal Soldier: The Return," which was an official sequel to the 1992 film was released the same year as the "Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business," a semi-legitimate TV movie/direct-to-video programmer. How something like this is even legally possible boggles the mind. Still, this sequel, which is competently produced but fairly lifeless, sees Jean-Claude Van Damme return to the role of Luc Deveraux (sorry, Matt Battaglia), who has stripped himself of his bionic enhancements and is now just Some Dude who is helping to develop the next generation of Universal Soldiers. Didn't he learn anything from his hellish experience the first time around? (Oddly enough, this film also sees the program facing budget cuts, only in this one a sentient program decides to unleash hell, which is way cooler.) Nonsensical and dull, with a very awful supporting cast, much of the events of this film are either ignored or blatantly contradicted in subsequent sequels which is probably for the best.

3. 'Universal Soldier: Regeneration' (2009)

Here's where it starts getting good again. Ten years after "The Return," Jean-Claude Van Damme, um, returns to the franchise under the watchful eye of John Hyams, son of journeyman cinematographer and director Peter Hyams (who shoots "Universal Soldier: Regeneration," incredibly). In this one, Van Damme's Luc Deveraux is undergoing a kind of intense spa treatment to turn him back into Some Dude (again: the events of the sequel are pretty blatantly ignored) after a former Universal Soldier is revealed to be a bloodthirsty terrorist. (One of the many awesome things about this movie is how unrelentingly violent it is.) Also back for more fun (for the first time since the original) is Dolph Lundgren, who is totally amazing and has a genuinely incredible death scene. The younger Hyams knows his way around an action sequence, artfully staging and choreographing set pieces that would trip up most younger directors, and setting the stage for the next film, which is honestly flat-out brilliant (more on that in a minute). While the timeline of the sequels has, with the sequel and this film, become more linear, the fact that they don't acknowledge what happened in "The Return" as canon and oftentimes push thing to bizarre, sometimes surreal places, ensures the franchise is just as weird as ever.

2. 'Universal Soldier' (1992)

Here it is, the one that started it all: "Universal Soldier"! Few people will remember this, but the film was an early Roland Emmerich/Dean Devlin joint and, if you watch it today, holds up surprisingly well. It's really, really fun. Van Damme is a Vietnam soldier killed in combat who is brought back to life thanks to the Universal Soldier program, Lundgren is the villain (and Van Damme's old heel). While modestly budgeted, the movie provides some big thrills, and is oftentimes very funny and goofy in a charming way that keeps it from aging poorly. What's sort of incredible, looking back on it, is how, while it's thought of as a success and has obviously spawned a rich and variety (and confusing) franchise, it wasn't that much of a hit. It made $36 million on a budget of $23 million. Nowadays, that would be the kind of thing that's shuffled to the back of a studio's annual report, but clearly the hook was good enough that further exploration was required.

1. 'Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning' (2012)

Here it is, "Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning," the one straight-up masterpiece in the entire franchise. Made for only $8 million and released by Magnet, the genre arm of indie distributor Magnolia, this installment saw the return of John Hyams, who also co-wrote the screenplay (dad didn't come back to lens, sadly), as well as Van Damme and Lundgren (despite that killer death scene). A lot of the charm of this film is thanks to a lead performance by Scott Adkins, one of the most unsung heroes in all of action cinema, and a performer who can emote as well as he can deliver a roundhouse kick to the forehead. He is a man who wakes up from an amnesiac stupor to finger Luc Deveraux as the man who murdered his family. This movie is just as cumbersomely convoluted as the other films, but with entirely more conviction, and goes to some increasingly weird (and oftentimes outrageously violent) places. But through it all, thanks to Adkins and some committed performances from an almost unrecognizable Van Damme and Lundgren (amounting to glorified cameos that they probably could have shot during filming for "Regeneration"), you stick with it. It's a visual feast and very much worth tracking down the hard-to-get-a-hold-of unrated cut of the film to see it unfold in all of its gory glory. This was the one sequel to do the premise of the original film justice while pushing it to surprisingly lengths both visually and storytelling-wise.