The 15 Most Quotable 'Simpsons' Episodes, Ranked
In its heyday, "The Simpsons" was one of the smartest and most hilarious shows on TV, animated or otherwise. Maybe its golden years are done, but those classic episodes remain some of the most quotable pieces of pop culture around. Here are the 15 most quote-worthy episodes of them all.
15. "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment" (1991)
This is one of those classic episodes where it becomes apparent that Lisa is the only member of the Simpson clan with a real conscience. Between Homer’s fumbling efforts to justify stealing cable and Bart and Lisa’s first Sunday school education about the perils of Hell, there are a lot of quotable moments to be found here. Favorite quote: Reverend Lovejoy: "Now, today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. He thinks he's got it made. He's got his hi-fi. His boob tube. And his instant pizza-pie."
14. "Homer Badman" (1994)
In one of the many cases where “The Simpsons” was well ahead of its time, this episode turned a simple, candy fueled misunderstanding into a full-blown sexual harassment scandal for Homer. Nowhere was this episode more prescient than showing how the media can distort the truth in order to spin a narrative. Favorite quote: Marge: "Homer, that's your solution to everything. To move under the sea. It's not going to happen!" Homer: "Not with that attitude."
13. "I Love Lisa" (1993)
Ralph Wiggum is the source of some of this show’s best one-liners, but he can also be a compelling character in his own right when he’s treated as more than just dim-witted comic relief. This episode proved as much, as it explored Ralph’s unhealthy attachment to Lisa after she "choo-choo-chooses" to give him a pity Valentine’s card. Favorite Quote: Lisa: "Ralph thinks I like him but I only gave him a Valentine because I felt sorry for him." Homer: "Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?"
12. "I Am Furious" (Yellow)’ (2002)
‘The Simpsons’ may have been well past its prime by the time Season 13 rolled along, but this episode proved the show can still replicate that old magic now and again. Stan Lee proved to be one of the show’s more memorable celebrity guest stars, and Bart’s efforts to turn Homer into an online web-toon phenomenon paid off handsomely. Favorite Quote: Stan Lee: "Now hold on, Comic Book Guy, this boy is still finding his voice." Bart: "So you’re saying I should keep trying?" Stan Lee: "Absolutely, and if you fail, you can always open a comic book store." Comic Book Guy: "Stan Lee insulted me! But in Bizarro World, that means he likes me."
11. "Bart vs. Australia" (1995)
Back before “The Simpsons are going to [insert country here]!”, it was quite the novelty seeing the family take a trip to Australia. This episode got a lot of mileage out of parodying everything from “Crocodile Dundee”to the infamous case of American tourist Michael Fay. The result was a hilarious culture clash as Bart managed to insult pretty much every citizen of Australia in the span of a few days. Favorite Quote: Australian: "You call that a knife? This is a knife!" Bart: "That's not a knife. That's a spoon." Australian: "Alright, alright, you win. Heh. I see you've played knifey-spooney before."
10. "Mr. Plow" (1992)
This would be one of the more quotable “Simpsons” episodes by sheer virtue of Homer’s catchy business slogan. But once you factor in all the other memorable moment, including a guest appearance by TV’s Adam West and a snow plow rivalry between Home and Barney, this one really earns its spot in the pantheon. Favorite Quote: Homer: "Mr. Plow, that name again is Mr. Plow." Man: "Hello, I'm calling from Delinquent Accounts at Kumatsu Motors." Homer: "Oh, you want the Mr. Plow who plows driveways. This is Tony Plow. You know, from “Leave It To Beaver.” [pauses] Yeah, they were gay."
9. "You Only Move Twice" (1996)
You can’t help but love any episode that features the legendary Albert Brooks as a guest star. Brooks gave us his greatest “Simpsons” character ever when he played Hank Scorpio, a Bond villain who also happens to be the world’s greatest boss. Unfortunately, not everyone was so enamored with Homer’s cushy new job at the right hand of the king. Favorite Quote: Homer: "I can't buy that. Only management guys with big salaries like me can afford that… guys like me! I'm a guy like me!"
8. "Kamp Krusty" (1992)
You really have to wonder what Bart sees in Krusty, given how often his idol fails to live up to expectations and seems to go out of his way to put Bart in mortal danger. Bart and Lisa’s summer-long plight as prisoners at Kamp Krusty yielded some of the show’s most memorable lines, including Lisa’s impassioned plea to her parents and Homer’s dejected realization that his son had become master of a “Lord of the Flies”-worthy civilization. Favorite Quote: Bart: "All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a seven or an eight, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far! WE WANT KRUSTY!!!"
7. "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show" (1997)
In its golden age, “The Simpsons” was an absolute master at lampooning the sort of mindless, arbitrary thinking that fuels most studio decision-making. This classic episode gave us Poochie, a faux-hip, wisecracking dog who tried and failed to give “The Itchy & Scratchy Show” the adrenaline boost it needed. Thanks to the endless stream of clever dialogue in this episode, it feels just as relevant now as it did 20 years ago. Favorite Quote: Executive: "We at the network want a dog with attitude. He's edgy, he's 'in your face.' You've heard the expression, 'Let's get busy'? Well, this is a dog who gets 'biz-zay!' Consistently and thoroughly. Krusty: "So he's proactive, huh?" Executive: "Oh, god, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm."
6. "Lisa the Vegetarian" (1995)
Lisa’s nagging conscience fueled another all-time great episode in Season 7, as Lisa experience the trials and tribulations of going vegetarian. The result was the iconic “You don’t win friends with salad!” conga line, easily one of the funniest moments in the show’;s long history. But with everyone in town taking the chance to poke fun at Lisa, there’s no shortage of terrific lines to quote here. Favorite Quote: Lisa: "Dad, can't you have some other kind of party, one where you don't serve meat?" Homer: "But all normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo, Goober! Where's the meat?!' I’m trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."
5. "Homer vs. the 18th Amendment" (1997)
Homer has feuded with countless people (both real and fictional) over the course of tis series, but few rivalries have amused us more than the clash between the Beer Baron and ruthless lawman Rex Banner. Springfield’s fleeting anti-alcohol hysteria resulted in one of the most quotable and hilarious episodes of all time. Favorite Quote: Helen Lovejoy: "We demand you bring in a police chief who will enforce the Prohibition law!" Mayor Quimby: "Demand? Who are you to demand anything? I run this town. You're just a bunch of low-income nobodies!" Assistant: "Uh, election in November. Election in November." Mayor Quimby: "What? Again!?! This stupid country..."
4. “Deep Space Homer” (1994)
Homer has held pretty much every job imaginable over the course of the show’s three decade run. But even now, it’s hard to top his very brief career as an astronaut. This episode also boasts what may be the single most quotable “Simpsons” moment ever thanks to Kent Brockman’s hilarious overreaction to a shattered ant colony. Favorite Quote: Kent Brockman: "It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthmen or merely enslave them. But, one thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords."
3. “Treehouse of Horror V” (1994)
The “Treehouse of Horror” specials have long been an annual tradition with this show, and never did one hit the mark better than with the fifth installment. The pitch-perfect Stephen King spoof “The Shinning” alone is one of the most quotable segments of all time, and the other two segments deliver nonstop hilarity as well. If anything, it’s a shame no subsequent Halloween special has managed to live up to this one. Favorite Quote: Mr. Burns: "Yes, by cutting off cable TV and the beer supply, I can ensure an honest winter's work out of those low-lives." Mr. Smithers: "Sir, did you ever stop to think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?" Mr. Burns: "Hmm... perhaps. Tell you what: we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke."
2. “Last Exit to Springfield” (1993)
You can pretty much walk into any crowd, shout the phrase “Dental plan!” and be guaranteed that at least one person will respond back with “Lisa needs braces!” That’s the sign of a quotable episode. This episode captures “The Simpsons” at the peak of its impeccable writing quality, with a teleplay that’s been memorized and repeated endlessly for 25 years now. Favorite Quote: Mr. Burns: "This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon they'll have written the greatest novel known to man. Let's see. 'It was the best of times, it was the *blurst* of times?' You stupid monkey!"
1. “Marge vs. the Monorail” (1992)
“Marge vs. The Monorail” isn’t just the most quotable “Simpsons” episode ever, it’s also a clear contender for the best episode in general. This one has it all, with homer finding his new calling as a monorail operator, Leonard Nimoy stopping by and Marge leading a one-woman crusade to save Springfield from becoming the next North Haverbrook. It even has that endlessly catchy “Monorail” musical number. Favorite Quote: "A town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it, and danged if he knows how to use it."