You'll never want to walk around in the woods again after watching this week's episode of "The Blacklist," because apparently they're crawling with feral hill people who want to kill us all. Yep, Raymond Reddington's newest blacklister is a polygamous cult leader with a fleet of child brides and crazy backwoods love children, and it's up to Elizabeth Keen to take them down. In other words, just another day on the job.

Keen and Ressler Take On Their Weirdest Cast Yet, We Run and Hide

Meet Justin Kenyon, a polygamous preacher who runs Church of the Shields, which is basically the creepiest cult ever. Here are two important things to know about this fellow: he lets terrorists store cargo in shipping containers on his property, and he has a master plan wherein he wants to disappear for six days and then kill everyone in the USofA. Which is bad news considering that he disappears at the beginning of this episode.

It's obviously imperative to find Kenyon so he doesn't...ya know...murder everyone, and though the FBI initially have a few reservations about raiding his compound , they change their mind when his people blow up a van and kill a couple of policemen. Samar, Ressler, and Lizzy join forces with the local law to raid Kenyon's digs, and realize that it's actually children who are blowing up the vans –– killing themselves in the process. Fortunately, Samar manages to rescue one of said children, while Ressler and Lizzy's troll the other side of the compound and stumble across a church filled with corpses. Turns out Kenyon was marrying another child bride when his service was raided, and everyone was killed with the exception of one kid (who basically spends this episode looking like the girl from The Ring only creepier).

Red Heads To Saint Petersburg, Samar Hangs with Terrifying Small Child

Remember when Alan Fitch told Red that he had a safe in Saint Petersburg, and then his head exploded and you spent the rest of the evening dry-heaving into a paper bag? Well this week Red gets to work finding Fitch's safe, and hits up Saint Petersburg with his tracker friend Glen. These two find the safe hidden behind a painting in a swank apartment, and discover that it contains a simple telephone number of all things!

Back in Washington, Samar interviews a former cult member, who voluntarily explains the rules of Kult Kenyon. Apparently, each man was required to take three wives when the church got off the ground –– which became problematic due to the unbalanced boy-to-girl ratio. Kenyon solved the problem by shoving all the unwanted boys into the woods to die (because that definitely makes the most sense!), but instead they formed a weird feral army and started an uprising. To be honest, Kenyon kind of had it coming.

Keen and Ressler Get Kidnapped, Red Gets Presidential

Despite the ominous warnings of the creepy kid they found hiding in church, Lizzy and Ressler decide to drive around Kenyon's compound only to have their tires blown out by some disgruntled youths known as The Watchers (aka Kenyon's rejected all-boys club). Naturally, Lizzy and Ressler get themselves kidnapped, and The Watchers bring them back to the same camp where they're keeping Kenyon.

Meanwhile in Saint Petersburg, Red pays a visit to a fellow terrorist and asks for the activation codes for missiles she'd been storing at Kenyon's compound, and he uses their cameras to get a lead on Lizzy's location. Samar manages to rescue everyone with Red's trans-Atlantic help –– but not before Kenyon's murdered with a bunch of twigs. That's right, twigs. What a pleasant way to die, said no one ever.

In other totally terrible news, Agent Cooper still has what appears to be cancer –– but at least he's starting a clinical trial. And on a less devastating note, Red buys Lizzy an apartment (she cruelly rejects it) and then hits up Kenyon's bunker to check in on his storage unit. Turns out he's been keeping a car with presidential plates in the basement of Kenyon's church, and he quickly grabs a cell from the trunk and uses it call the number listed on Fitch's business card. Who answers? No one Red recognizes, that's for sure. Looks like we have a new blacklister on our hands!

And Now, For Some Burning Questions:
Who was the voice on the other end of Red's phone call?!
Is Elizabeth still being investigated for murder? Because that plot was definitely dropped this week.
Will Agent Cooper make it through the season alive?
Lizzy still isn't budging in her friendship with Red. Will she ever forgive him?
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