Alan Napier Quotes

Mr. Rutland The best thing for the inside of a man or a woman is the outside of a horse.

F. Holmes Harmon If you're the janitor, come back later. If you're anyone else, there's a window at the end of the hall, jump out of it.

Jerry, the morgue attendant If the Creeper's still alive, I'm gonna put in some overtime.

Elinu, the High Priest And that is not all. The king has shown weakness and poor judgement. He believes in the divinity of these intruders. Dealing with the divine is *our* office. If we abandon the smallest particle of it to outsiders, our position will soon come to naught.

Priest But, are these outsiders not divine?

Elinu, the High Priest No, they are mortal. Do they not eat when they are hungry? Do they not sleep when they are weary? When the guards attacked them, did not their faces show the fears of mortal men?

Priest But, do they not possess the power of heaven?

Elinu, the High Priest Aah. The cylinder they carry possesses it. If you had that cylinder, or you, or you, you could use it too. And if it is the power of heaven, is it not we who should possess it? And use it to control the beasts of the dark, the people and... yes, if need be, even a faltering king himself? You will therefore follow these intruders wherever they may go, and bring me that cylinder.

Joan Medford You know, sometimes I feel sorry for you. You must be very unhappy.

F. Holmes Harmon You're wasting your pity. I'm really a very happy fellow. Especially when I'm deflating the egos of artistic pretenders.

Joan Medford Steve Morrow is not a pretender. He's honest. And he has talent. And on top of that, he's successful.

F. Holmes Harmon Judged by the dollar sign, yes. Unfortunately, the general public's appreciation of art is limited to billboards and magazine covers. The morons wallow in a sea of girls, girls, unbelievably beautiful and well-proportioned girls.

Joan Medford Are you saying that Steve should paint ugliness instead of beauty?

F. Holmes Harmon I don't say that anyone should do anything. I merely say, as a critic, what he actually does.

Joan Medford Then why don't you temper your criticism with the truth? Oh sure, you have a right to say you don't like apple pie. But it's certainly unfair to say that apple pie isn't good.

F. Holmes Harmon You're a clever wench, Joan. But we're not talking about apple pie. We're talking about cheesecake. Here, for example, is a little bit of your Mr. Morrow's "art".

Joan Medford Is that bad?

F. Holmes Harmon It's revolting! Did you ever see a girl that perfect?

Joan Medford You don't get around much, do you? That's why I feel sorry for you, Holmes. You crawl into your bottle of acid and stay there, dripping vitriol indiscriminately, always destroying.

Willie Spears Where are you? Where are you?

Geoffrey Radcliffe Here beside you!

Willie Spears But, but I can't see you!

Geoffrey Radcliffe Of course you can't, I'm a ghost.

Willie Spears Ghost!

Willie Spears What kinda ghosts sneeze?

Geoffrey Radcliffe It's cold in the other world, so cold!