Allen Covert Quotes

Grandma's Boy

Comment on Fashion Price Inquiry

Alex Hey JP, that's a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in the ]?

[[The Matrix (film)|Matrix]

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Grandma's Boy

Grandma's Unexpected Consumption of Marijuana

Alex My grandma drank all my pot.

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Grandma's Boy

Unexpected Situations and Unforeseen Outcomes

Alex Yeah, it was my roommates, they're crazy. They tied me up. I was like one of those little calfs at the rodeo, all helpless, and you know, right when I was about to call the police, I came...and that felt nice.

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Jack and Jill

A Misunderstanding Among Friends

Jill Oh, please! Tell me you don't feel this.

Jack I didn't feel it. Maybe if you did it harder.

Jack Little harder.

Erin No, Jill, stop it. He's kidding

Jill What?

Otto Donkey fight!

Erin Jill, are you okay?.

Jill Yeah, no, I'm fine. Gary, that was... He didn't 100% percent connect.

Gary Feel that, Daddy?

Jack I... I actually did feel something, there. Pride in my son.

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Grandma's Boy

Imagining a fight against a helpless opponent

Alex This is like if ] fought an infant.

[while playing video game; [Mike Tyson|Tyson]

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Grandma's Boy

Confusion About a Character Named Jonny

Alex Jonny...? Who the fuck is Jonny?

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Grandma's Boy

Attempting to Save a Baby from Fire

Alex There was this fire...and I was trying to save it from this baby...

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Grandma's Boy

Frustration at Dinner Time

Alex Ooh, dinner time. Oh, Fuck! Damn! Cocksucking fucker ass fuck! Ohhh! Goddamn it!

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Grandma's Boy

A Unique Perspective on Sleeping Arrangements

Alex Dude, your bed's a car.

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Grandma's Boy

A Friend's Reassurance in Tough Times

Alex Don't slit your wrists, Kane. I'm here.

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Grandma's Boy

Embracing Unconventional Perspectives on Life

Alex At least I have a bush!

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Grandma's Boy

Understanding the Food Chain Dynamics

Alex Dude, you do know that lions eat deer, right?

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The Wedding Singer

Denial of Feelings in a Conversation

Sammy Uh oh.

Robbie What?

Sammy You like her.

Robbie No, I don't!

Sammy Of course you do. She's a cool chick with a hot ass.

Robbie You talk about her ass again, I'll break your neck.

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Grandma's Boy

Uncontrollable Pleasure and Apologies

Alex Oh! Oh! Oh my God! I'm sorry, I can't stop cumming, I'm sorry! Oh-ho-ho, it feels so good!

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Grandma's Boy

Casual Expression of Familiarity

Alex Yeah, I know...west west, yo.

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Grandma's Boy

Level Six Strategy and Tips

Alex So, you can't kill the demon at the end of level six? Do you have the magic arrows? Easy, here's what you do. Hide behind the boulder. When the demon comes out of the cave, shoot him three times with the magic arrows. Then his head will start to spin. Once that happens, you jump up on the boulder, you do a flying downward thrust with the sword of doom, and that's it - level six is done.

[to children sitting at wedding reception table]

Grandma's Boy

A Disturbance During an Unusual Moment

Alex I didn't wanna disturb you. You were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth.

50 First Dates

Memory Loss and Short-Term Challenges

Dr. Keats Tom lost part of his brain in a hunting accident. His memory only lasts ten seconds.

Ten Second Tom I was in an accident? That's terrible.

Dr. Keats Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about three seconds.

Ten Second Tom Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the brain... Hi. I'm Tom.

Grandma's Boy

The Risks of Substance Use in Professions

Alex You can't get stoned and be an accountant, you make too many mistakes, you lose people millions of dollars, you get fired.

Grandma's Boy

Excitement Over Delicious Food Choices

Alex Oh, yes! Finally, a roommate who goes shopping. Chicken cutlet, spaghetti with garlic bread, oh my God, the wings to go with the breast. I don't know what you are but I'm gonna fucking eat you, too.

Grandma's Boy

A Defense Against Judgment

Alex Don't judge me, monkey!

Grandma's Boy

A Comment on Unconventional Behavior

Alex You're fuckin weird, man.

[to J.P. after exiting Samantha's office]

Memorable Quotes from Allen Covert