Memorable Quotes from Ben Stein
3 quotesInquiry About Ferris Bueller's Absence
Economics Teacher
Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
[takes attendance]
Simone
Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
Teacher
Thank you, Simone.
Simone
No problem whatsoever.
Teacher
Frye? Frye? Frye?
[continues with attendance]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Loki's Defiance Against Odin's Reputation
Dr. Neuman
Loki brought nothing but shame to Odin and his ilk. In fact, Loki was such an unruly child that Odin ultimately locked him up in chains far beneath the earth.
Loki
HE DID NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT!!!
Museum Person
Good God!
Loki
And don't you forget it!
Dr. Neuman
Apparently, you do not agree with my theories.
Loki
Finally. This is a fake!
[looks at the mask]
Dr. Neuman
Yes, but it's a good fake. Ow. Sir, that is museum property.
[Loki throws the mask at him which hits him in the head]
Loki
Oh, I'm sorry. Let me replace it.
Dr. Neuman
What-- what are-- what are you doing? Perhaps I should inform you I suffer from vertigo and I have a lawyer. Hello? Where's my body? Come get me.
Museum Security Guard
Hold it right there!
Dr. Neuman
I don't like it here.
Loki
Thanks for dropping by.
Museum Security Guard
Dropping?
Loki
Bye!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inheritance and Unexpected Legacy
Mr. Rugg
To the Save the Dolphins Foundation: $11 million. To the Save The Pumas Foundation: $1.2 million. To the Padigonian Wasps Salvation Fund: $1.4 million. To The Dyslexic Dalmatians Foundation...
[reading Mr. Crittenden's will]
Carrigan Crittenden
To hell with the livestock. What did the old stiff leave me?
Dibs
Um, I believe that what the bereaved is trying to express is that the, um, sudden death of her only father has left a great gaping void in her bank-- in her life, and err, Carrigan wonders what he has left her to fill it up with.
[clears throat]
Mr. Rugg
Hmm. Let's see. Bobcats, owls, snakes... daughter, Carrigan: Whipstaff Manor in Maine.
Carrigan Crittenden
... And?
Mr. Rugg
And I'm late for lunch, so if you'll excuse me...
Carrigan Crittenden
Are you telling me that I spent the last two days holding his clammy hand, waiting for him to kick, and all I get in return is one lousy piece of property?!
Mr. Rugg
No, it was lousy fifty years ago. Now it's condemned. Enjoy.
[gives her the will]
Carrigan Crittenden
Wait a minute. This is not fair! I'll protest! I'm gonna drag you and every one of those damn dolphins into court!
Mr. Rugg
Knock yourself out.
Carrigan Crittenden
Dibs! This is all your fault, as usual. If you would have just forged the damn will.
Dibs
Hey you know Carrigan, this is condemned seafront property.
Carrigan Crittenden
Oh, Dibs! Don't you get it? Flipper got more money than me.
Dibs
Carrigan, the deed's in there! Oh! Ouch! Ow. Ouch! Buccaneers and buried gold. Whipstaff doth a treasure hold.
Carrigan Crittenden
Treasure? Dibs, you idiot. Get it out!" I knew that place was worth something. There's treasure in that house. And finally, I'm gonna get what I deserve.
Dibs
Carrigan, I think I need a doctor.
Carrigan Crittenden
Oh, there's plenty in Maine.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.